Bravo TV is one hell of a tight rope for me. Knowing that at any time they could let Nathan Fielder produce everything and I'd love that shit immediately...

- "Hey, Mom, what's that thing you do after someone died?" - "Grift. ... No, grief! Erika, wait! GRIEF!!! ERIKA?!?"

But, you see, Russia needs the Donbas, because they don't have enough land. 🥺

Me doing an IQ test. Test: How many triangles are in this image? Me after 0.4 seconds: 6 Test: Correct. Now, person A drives from location B to location C at 60mph while person E... Me: Dude, I don't fucking care.

Dell has "verified" my address with an old one from 20 years ago. I noticed this after placing the order and asked the AI assistant if I can change it, because this address doesn't exist anymore: No that's not possible, but you can return the product to get a refund. 😒

They have 1 week and 1 hour now to RELEASE THE EPSTEIN FILES. Meanwhile, memorize this: www.epsteinsblackbook.com

AI is that employee you hire because they trained how to sound smart during an interview, but you'll have to fire them after a while because you find out that they actually can't do anything right. This bubble burst is going to be EPIC.

Watching "2000 Meters to Andriivka". They're bleeping swear words. Screams of soldiers bleeding to death. They're bleeping them. What the actual FUCK YOU DISRESPECTFUL CUNTS.

Russia can win this by using nukes is like me saying I can win a chess game by flipping the table.

Twitter can still be funny.

And the winner of today's IQ limbo challenge is:

Have you tried turning him off and on again? If that doesn't work, try a factory reset. Just push a Q-tip into his hear until he goes bing bing bing

What the media isn't talking about: This turkey was facing 8 years in prison for wire fraud, but bought $1m in TRUMP meme coins last week.

What's in your breee-eead in your breee-ehee-eead Salami Salami Salami-i-i-i-i-i

Am I the only one who thinks that Stephen Miller is Putin's bastard son?

Today's achievements: ☑Added "isekai'd to Avernus" on top of my favourite synonyms list ☑Thought to myself "good things still happen"

Madrid Conference, Oslo Accords, Gaza & Jericho Agreement, Hebron Protocol, Clinton Parameters, Wye River Memorandum, Taba Summit, Arab Peace Initiative, Camp David Summit, Road Map for Peace, Geneva Accord, Sharm el-Sheikh Summit, Israeli Peace Initiative... But yeah, sure. This one will work. 🙄

You have to admit: Turning your country into a hostile shit hole is an effective strategy to keep immigrants away.

- He thinks he solved the war between Armenia and Cambodia - He thinks asylum seekers are coming from insane asylums. - He thinks he can lower prices by 1'500%. Y'all sure he's not deliberately causing another "great" recession?

His face is at half mast

Presumably not unlike Jesus, I wish there was a "remove follower" option.

MAGA is anti-abortion to ensure a steady supply of victims.

13'10": "Mandami is a communist" (Pronounced wrong, but I'll take it) 39'00": "Liberals have allied with radical Islam" 55'30": "80% of Gen Zers would marry an AI" 3/4. #RealTime #BillMaher

In other news: Barbra Streisand hospitalized after laughing too hard

Switzerland's government bent over backwards for Trump, praised him, promised investing billions in US production, didn't say a word when the F-35 purchase suddenly jumped from the agreed $6b to $7.5b... And he went from 31% to 39%. 😂

The US imported 4.38 billion pounds of beef in 2024. I... Ahm... Yeah, you know.

Even if there were men imprisoned for it, Trump couldn't pull off the Walter White scheme of hiring Nazis to kill anyone who could potentially talk. Because he pardoned all the Nazis.

AI does make coding easier, but you still need people who understand how to prompt, what to do with the output and how to maintain it. "It will replace programmers" is a bullshit sales pitch.

Me swiping through the Netflix documentary category these days: I know -> Trainwreck -> Too late -> Something about Cocaine -> Who cares -> Not interested in Baseball -> Trainwreck -> More about Cocaine -> I know it's unsolved -> Crack Cocaine... The 37th re-run of The Office it is, then.

Oh dear, Grandpa wants to rake the forest again.

Media: Today's youth is the first generation to grow up with unlimited and free access to pornography. Millenials:

It's just not fair. If there's a lion in your bedroom, you can call a guy, and they come and remove the lion. Free of charge. But even though they are statistically by far the most dangerous animals for humans: If there's a mosquito in your bedroom, you're on your own.

Working with people sometimes feels like when you ask a butcher for a steak, and he hands you a lasso, a knife and a hand drawn map with an X on it.

Have you ever heard of... "Heroin Hero"?

Bleak. But can't get rid of the assumption that the main reason for "alpha male" transphobia is the fear of being called gay after accidentally raping a trans woman.

Bill Maher is right on Joe Rogan's trajectory. Left stops watching -> Dems don't go on his show -> Right wing echo chamber.

These are the names of the 9 children whose lives russia took in yesterday's attack Their blood is on russia's hands Tymofii, age 3 Arina, age 7 Herman, age 9 Danylo, age 15 Alina, age 15 Kostyantyn, age 16 Mykyta, age 15 Nikita, age 17 Radyslav, age 7 Nine kids. Killed Source: U24GOVUA

AK-47 remains Russia's most reliable weapon, whether it stands for Automatic Kalashnikov 47 or Agent Krasnov 47.

In another chat on Mike Walz' Phone: March 13, 04:52 Jaromir Golofaev (RT): Comrade, where is my invitation? March 24, 13:40 Jaromir Golofaev (RT): WRONG JG!

Pro tip for politicians: Fighting corruption makes you look worse on Transparency International's Corruption Perceptions Index. Yeah. I'm just gonna say it: It's not for a lack of effort, but I can't see "the west" winning any of this. Cranking up my Pinyin.

We're talking a lot about the X algorithm pushing right wing propaganda. But have you ever tried just letting YouTube play suggested videos for a few hours without logging in on a new device? Jesus Christ, this explains A LOT.

Uhmmmm... What??

Russia is "doing what anybody else would do". Killing hundreds or thousands of people... That's what "anybody else would do"... People, this guy needs to go. NOW.

Zelenski 3️⃣ ‐ 0️⃣ Trump

Am I stupid or would it be way better for Canada to react with export taxes than retaliatory tariffs? It would put Mango Mussolini's "tactic" to shame on so many levels.

Americans: Do you think that the US Army would fight alongside Russia against Canada and/or Europe if ordered by Trump? We make "jokes" about this now. We used to make "jokes" about a lot of things he's now actually doing and there seems to be no way of stopping him.

Great that Zelenskyy didn't sign anything. Krasnov would have fucked him over afterwards anyway.

This is the kind of energy we need NOW. youtu.be/utl2uLh1wVI?...

Turns out that "just trolling" with a nazi salute isn't funny to people whose parents barely survived WW2. Who could have guessed?

Jaaa, ääh, dann mal herzliche Gratulation an Bernd Stromberg und seine Union. Aber @heidireichinnek.de hat mal so im Alleingang innert 2-3 Wochen (aktuell) 3.7% rausgeholt 💯😍🥳 Linke überall: Genau so.