But what if I want to continue my tube journey by *unreasonable* means, like flying carpet or mechanical horse, eh, TFL?

Wanna dance to the best 90s grunge and alternative, from Nirvana to Hole, Smashing Pumpkins to Placebo, and of course Alice in Chains? Bruise Violet at The Albany W1W 19 Sept, London UK 19 Sept, 9pm-2am, £10 door. #90sclub #alternativeclub #londonclub #grungeclub #londonclubnight

Oh look, it's Rome Final Boss...

The cup of coffee next to mine at Black Sheep this morning had the name "Torquil" on it. I didn't realize anyone was actually called that in real life (inasmuch as the City has any relation to real life).

TV show pitch: Last of the Sumer Wine. Three annoyingly roguish old blokes accidentally summon Ereshkigal via an inexplicably wheeled bathtub. She unleashes darkness, misery and gloom on West Yorkshire. No one notices.

@netflix.com production meeting: "Ed Gein, but make him sexy and brooding!" Strong Zoolander vibe coming off these posters...

"I need a guy who can play a no-nonsense cop with balls of hard, cold steel... get me Al Pachinko!"

Guess the groovy train has been cancelled...

Best explanation of blockchain I've ever seen...

I've noticed lately that there's one popular aftershave that smells of digestive biscuits, and another reminiscent of those weird freshening balls my mum used to chuck in the Hoover. Definitely didn't have "80s coffee morning" as the vibe in men's fragrances for 2025.

The Police once tried to find out what I knew about Post Office whistleblower Richard Roll. But I told them I was never gonna give him up.

Whenever I read about the publisher Penguin Michael Joseph.I always subconsciously parse that as a penguin named Michael Joseph.

Do you think he realises...?

Gmail's tendency to abbreviate with a full stop is giving Lord Steel a sort of Shinobi final boss energy here...

How come real-life motorcades never include three guys on dirt bikes with katanas?

Not feeling the new Weekend at Bernie's remake at all...

New Norse animal spirit of Monday mornings just dropped... #crow #corvid #idontlikemondays

Did anyone order Mulder and Scully from Temu...?

Presumably Netflix retains the rights to any kids that come out of this...

I wanted to learn how to defend myself using only 60s Italian lounge music, but I can't find anywhere in London that can teach me Tae-Quando-Quando-Quando.

It may seem like an innocuous and jolly word by today's standards, but a "flibbertigibbet" was actually a 17th century gallows used to execute people convicted of being overly excitable. Or something.

Someone in our building has started learning the Koto, which means I'm now sitting outside in the evening sunshine with a sense of inner peace and harmony, but also a slight fear I'm going to be attacked by ninjas.

Everyone else's inventors: "We called this weapon the Hellbomber, to inspire fear." British inventors: "We called this weapon the Wanking Cyril. Because we were drunk. And it looks like Cyril."

Ooh, someone got swiped right while they were at work today... #datenight #swiperight #mintyfresh

Someone in Whitehall needs to mention to Keir Starmer that he tweets in the voice of Doctor Doom...

Is Paul Giamatti just Stanley Tucci after a really bad day and too many espressos?

"So, how did you get the idea for this slogan...?"

"relax, it's just for a stock photo - they'll probably use it for a new herbal tea brand or something"

I think a lot of the world's problems have been caused by the sort of people who don't understand why funny cat videos are cute but AI-generated cat videos are sinister.

Love the great grunge and alternative sounds of the 90s? Love dancing? Love drinking beer in London basement bars? We've got you... Bruise Violet tonight at the Albany W1W, from 9pm. £10 on the door. #grunge #grungeclub #londonclub #londonalternativeclub #londonclubbing #whatsoninlondon

Oh Billboard, you had the chance to caption this "Cher, and Cher-alike", but you blew it.

I see that current Hackney fashion can be loosely described as "Your own clothes were destroyed, but we found these items in the lost property box."

"I'm the changing man," sings the guy who's had essentially the same haircut since 1976.

As my wise old grandmother always used to say, you can run with the wolves, and the devil, but never run with the Scissor Sisters.

Looking for a drawing pencil last night, I discovered that "2B or not 2B" really *was* the question...

In the sport of face-punchy, it strikes me that one of these men is at a disadvantage...

I love British uncalled-for politeness sometimes. Just overheard on the bus, "Her family were violent, in the nicest possible way."

And I said, "What about breakfast at Tiffany's?" She said, "I think I remember the film..." And I said, "What about breakfast at Tiffany's?" She said, "You already asked that." And I said, "What about breakfast at Tiffany's?" She said, "You're weird, I'm going home."

While very cinematic, I'm not sure fading to black when I walk down a corridor is what's meant by 'adaptive brightness'. #pixel8 #readyformycloseupmisterdemille

I can't believe @absoluteradio.bsky.social got rid of all the Motown and metal from DAB, but I can still listen to as much Ocean Colour Scene as I want. 😑

The DIY holy grail - getting a second use out of a tube of superglue.

"intoxicating, disconcerting and exhausting" Just like carbon monoxide poisoning then.

I still never fail to amuse myself by declaring "It's like Piccadilly Circus down there!" every time there's an overhead shot of Piccadilly Circus in a movie. #dadjoke #piccadillycircus

I love how polite chillis are, despite being fiercely hit. Easy to grow, and if you forget about them, they just quietly dry out until you need them, and still taste every bit as good. Ironic that they're so often used with the avocado, the Elton-meets-Mariah ultra-diva of the plant world.

"That guy looks like a 70s Bond villain," I commented about the bloke dressed in a black turtleneck, gold chain and grey suit on the nearby TV. As I sat there in my swivel chair, with my no hair and my all black outfit, stroking the cat. #armchairmegalomaniac #youonlylivetwicemisterbond

An incredibly noisy but oddly self aware kid on the bus earlier, after being admonished for running upstairs without permission and being very loud... "I'm sorry I didn't hear you. I was too busy shouting."

Designing packaging for women: "Let's make it unnecessarily pink, but also invoke style, aspiration and somehow refer to what it does." Designing packaging for men: "I don't care what it does, put it in a fucking grenade!" #packagingdesign #bigbaddaboom #compensatingmuch

It's a bitter suet symphony...

Yesterday morning I went out to feed our nousy resident crows and it turned out they'd invited a young fox too, who was sitting there with the awkwardness of an 11 year-old who'd been assured "I'll just tell mum you're staying for dinner, it'll be fine!"