The Americans pronounce ‘dynasty’ correctly.

Shall we have a quick game of Guess the Evil Bastard Currently in the News?

Getting kicked really hard in the balls is uplifting, in a very literal and physical sense. That’s what I mean when I tell someone I find their personality to be uplifting.

If any documentary makers are looking at the positives and negatives of cannabis use, call it A Joyn’t to be Messed With. You can have that for free.

Does any industry have weirder promotional tie-ups than the tyre industry? Michelin restaurant reviews. Pirelli calendars. Goodyear airships. I can only conclude that a byproduct of the vulcanisation process is an as yet unidentified hallucinogen.

Me and the void staring at each other like we're about to kiss.

I’m sorry, who is going to do what where?

I’m starting a club for people who make purchases they regret. The Guilty Buy Association.

Sketch of Kim Wilde - what do you think? youtube.com/shorts/hywJ9...

I’ve seen people talk about taking the W or taking the L and I think I get it. I’m going to ask if my chess opponent wants to take the D with me. I’ll let you know if he accepts.

Kelvin Mackenzie. A man named after 2 great rivers, neither of which contain as much effluent as he does.

Yep, why not score a goal from your own half in the 98th minute?

Sexual Predator Look, if you don’t repost and like this kind of thing then the AI wins. Is that what you want? Is it? Obviously it’s not good, but I am a human at least. Stand with humanity and our shit visual puns.

Just a reminder - Britain has the lowest number of asylum-seekers in major Western European countries. Source: www.gov.uk/government/s...

The Epstein files must be a hoax because there's no mention of the biggest dangers to children - transexual Muslim grooming gangs working for the BBC. #TomorrowsTelegraphToday

Considering how butch they're supposed to be, military men seem to care an awful lot about all their jewellery and little bits of decoration and sashes and getting their hats right and stuff. I'm not saying they shouldn't, just it's curious how fastidious they are about looking very glam.

If you can afford it - go on to your favourite charity's website and send them some money. Be nice.

Americans! Please note that the election of Zohran Mamdani in just about any European city would barely raise an eyebrow. New York elected someone who we regard as being entirely normal.

Spin Doctor Who Is that a thing?

Every man? Including those of us who have an even number of feet?

So there should be far fewer black and Asian faces in adverts because they don't represent Britain but you can't walk down a British high street and see a single white face. Can some right wing megabrain please explain how to square this definitely-not-racist circle?

Yesterday’s Halloween sketch of Nosferatu.

He looks more like his dad to me. Also, are we sure he’s only 24?

People talk about eyeing up something beautiful but nobody ever ears a sound.

Dog breeds and the political parties they'd vote for. 1) Golden Retriever - Conservative

Every time you ask an AI to help you do your job, you’re training it to replace you.

Not sure the now is the right time for the Tommy Cooper impression.

Hmmmm. CrOck on TommAnce.

When does a theft become a heist? Is it possible for me to go to my local supermarket and heist a packet of digestives?

Is The Scotsman doing a missing words round now?

You don’t think of the River Clyde as being like this do you? It looks more like something you’d find in the Amazon Basin rather than flowing towards Glasgow. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

Cream Crackers don't have any cream in them. They've been lying to us all along.

I’ve set a reminder in my calendar for my 70th birthday to check to see if I have dementia. It’s gonna freak me out if I do.

Computer Tip: Opening the command prompt & typing 'run DMC' causes the PC to play a tune. Why? Because... I.T.'s like that. And that's the way I.T. is.

Some more pics from my walk in a local forest today. #photography 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

I took a few nice photos in a local forest today. Which one do you like the most? #photography

Pretty house I passed yesterday.

Trump is about to demonstrate his peacefulness by nuking Venezuela.

Fortunately he’s fluent in more than six-million forms of communication. It’s a Star Wars joke.

Sarge, we have to be honest, it’s not all splatters of white paint.

Sold before I even had a chance to put it up here! ko-fi.com/s/45c2ff7a37 Thank you to the buyer.

Sometimes you need to sit down and just marvel at the fact that Liz Truss was the actual Prime Minister of the United Kingdom for a bit.

Amelia Earhart crash-landed on Epstein island while pioneering contrail technology. Release the files.

An Oreo, but it’s white chocolate biscuit and liquorice in the middle. They can have the rights for 5 mil.

Private Bone Spurs reflecting on how even the waiter has a row of medals.