Beautiful

THIS FEBRUARY HALF TERM I’m doing a mini tour of libraries in County Durham - come and join me at Thornley Library on Monday 23rd, 2.30pm, or Chilton Library, Thursday 26th, 10.30am, or Sacriston Library Thursday 26th 2.30pm

Holy moley I have just made the basic, simpe version of this and it is AWESOME. I am super-comforted and more than a little garlicky.

CRAZY HORSES I’ve done 5 already gradient.horse

omg everybody go draw a horse this is what the internet was made for gradient.horse

This gets funnier and funnier as it goes on…

I am planning out a new story. I expect Ian McEwan’s notebooks look similar

Where is Jeremy today?

“There I was, pants round my ankles, everyone staring at me. I felt a right proper Brexit.”

How it looks when I have a BAD idea

Where is Jeremy today?

Pleased with my new author pic! It’s the only one I got where one of us wasn’t blinking.

PREACH!

Agree

Stop scrolling and post two characters that bring you happiness.

I drew this remix of the old meme because I find myself constantly annoyed

“Have you not learned?” Chilling.

Where is Jeremy today?

Where is Jeremy today?

Where is Jeremy today?

Middlesbrough, 1970s, photo by Robin Dale (Mary Evans Picture Library).

I hope you have a lovely Christmas, but do remember HE IS WATCHING xxx

Happy Jolabokaflod to those who celebrate!!

I’ve never been an alpha male. Do alphas often kneel at the feet of other men? It looks quite relaxing!

One of the awkward things for the last few years has been trying to stop my kid from getting into a certain author's books because of how much of a pain it would be when one of those investigations finally got through a legal team.

"they don't know how to express the idea" here's rian johnson's storyboard for knives out pick up a pencil and a napkin

I do not like this saucer-faced weasel

Just to say, if you love down n dirty cinematic American small town crime novels, with plenty of violence, and a strong moral core, SA Cosby is for you.

Reposting to remind me to read this…

I am very interested in doing this…

Movie you’ve watched more than six times with a gif. Hard Mode: No Star Wars, Marvel etc

This is a good top 5 but you’d probably disagree wouldn’t you grandad?

Where is Jeremy today?

Where is Jeremy today?

Amazingly, hot new TV show Pluribus appears to have the EXACT same premise as my book Happytown Must Be Destroyed. Dunno how I feel about that other than: great premise! Bet Happytown is funnier though.

Where is Jeremy today?

Where is Jeremy today?

October Monster 33: The Earie Glow Its ears glow. That’s it. That’s the joke.

October Monsters 32: Bad Apples Terrible news! The bad apples have started working together! Here are the Apple of your Eye and the Apple That Keeps the Doctor Away. These guys are guaranteed to spoil any barrel.

Where is Jeremy today?

October Monster 31: The Wise Old Chutney Venerated elder of the fridge community. Has sprouted several grey hairs. Is it spicy? Well it’s old so it has some pretty, uh, strongly held opinions and hot takes. Don’t get it started about politics or whether ketchup should be kept in the fridge.

Where is Jeremy today?

October Monster 30: The Mimic Amazingly, each person will see a different version of this picture. The Mimic is so magically talented that whatever face it’s pulling here - that’s what YOU look like! And whatever noises it’s making - that’s what you sound like!

October Monster 29: Too Many Monsters If you neglect your daily monster admin your monsters can pile up, becoming unmanageable.

October Monster 28: A Skull These things are terrifying, and I’ve just found out I’ve got one HIDING IN MY HEAD!!! How did it get in there? Get it out! Get it out! Help meeeee

October Monster 27: Immortal Onion Sits alone in your cupboard, plotting. It doesn’t like you: You ate its friends then forgot about it. It grows harder. It sprouts tendrils. Then one day it’s gone. Maybe… maybe it’s coming to find you and make you pay. Or maybe someone finally threw it out. Maybe.

October Monster 25: The Puzzler A demonic quizmaster who pops tricky little questions directly into your brain, questions like “what the heck do you think you’re doing?” Or “who the heck do you think you are?” Or “why the heck are you drawing dumb monsters every day?”

October Monster 25: Vampire Bee Causes low blood sugar. Sucks the blood from your neck, then the sugar from that blood, to make honey that’s not so much “runny” as “run down-y”

October Monster 24: The Little Beep Beepbeepbeep. You hear a quiet beeping. Is it the fire alarm? The microwave? Your straighteners? A deadly robot hiding in your wardrobe, waiting for the right moment to attack? No, it’s this Little Beep. Usually. You might want to check your wardrobe for robots.