I’m almost to a hundred subs on my onlyfans if anyone on here wants to lend a helping hand onlyfans.com/bendynakedhipp

Overheard at the kava bar “I just uploaded a lot emotional shit in chat gbt “

I’m tired of seeing all these weird groups of 40+ men dating a bunch of femmes in their twenties and calling it ENM, bitch that’s not a polycule that’s a daycare.

Actually I got hit with a bunch of health issues, lost a month at the gym and all my progress but there’s always next year 🫶

A man recently fucked up with me so bad I looked him dead in his eyes, picked up his bottle of klonopin and emptied it into my purse. Don’t be his peace, steal his peace away from him. Thats your peace now, enjoy it queen.

Yep, that tracks...😉🤣

I left Florida at 19 & a group of people from highschool who didn’t like me threw a party to celebrate that I left & honestly nothing comforts me more in my heart than knowing it’s been 10 years & they’re still in that small town in Florida drinking & partying except now they also have meth

I’m a lesbian fr this time

I’ve said “my grandmother was bipolar and a notoriously promiscuous woman” more times in this life than i can count

I’m so icked by all men right now How are they are all so ugly and cringe

ever go out w a girl & tell her you only date bisexuals if they’ve de centered men & then one hour into the second date, that she invited you on, she says she has to go because her bf is waiting for her at a nearby bar & then after she texts you saying next time she wants to hang “privately”?

Whenever people over the age of 25 do something fucked up I’m like damn you did that with your full frontal lobe.

Just overheard someone at the bar say they’re ghosting their uncle

Have you ever kissed a bimbo their lipgloss is flavored and they smell like vanilla it’s crazy

Someone at the kava bar just said “I’m about due for a sex injury”

Might fuck around and contract HPV to celebrate pride month

I have to be in such queer spaces to avoid him

Full bush in a thong did 9/11

Guys come over thinking they’re gonna get pussy but all they’re getting is trauma and lore

I just popped a Valium and a plan B at the same time and I think that’s the cure for heartache

My toxic trait is I think I deserve a sweet treat (a Valium) every single day

I got ghosted by the same guy last year and this year and I hope he comes back around next year so we can keep the tradition alive

Patiently waiting for this depression to turn into mania so I can clean my room

Bruh I’ve become a reply guy fr I’m gonna get blocked on everything

Do you even know how embarrassing it is to type and erase “I miss you” from chess.com account named “Pavlovsrawdog” to an account that is basically named “I 💕 penis” over and over again on loop

I miss this mf so much im thinking of reaching out on chess.com

The streets are lucky to have me

I had a lesbian hook up in the empty back bar lastnight at paragon I feel like that’s the send off they would want for their last weekend open

Should my outfit reflect Slutty masc or slutty femme tn for the party?

I survived fumbling a baddie (wish I hadn’t)

It’s the lords day and the leafs day

I stay getting hurt by monogamous boys and girls with male primary partners I’m a creature of habit what can I say

Guys I’m fr mourning someone I was seeing for three weeks wtf

I bought a bunch of condoms and took them to a guys house a few weeks ago and lastnight we broke up and I know he’s gonna use those condoms I bought on other girls I’m such a cuck I should have grabbed the condoms and used them with other girls myself

We’re in recession I can’t even afford to be gay rn

Most birds have a fight or flight response. He forgot we’re flightless birds.

Sponsored post: Unlubricated condoms saved my marriage

I’m probably the hottest incel you know

There’s something broken inside of me because I’m unable to construct a post that is compliant with community guidelines

One time I was seeing a guy and he showed me his really shitty heavily auto tuned cover of my favorite death cab for a cutie song and it gave me the ick for like 4 weeks

No one knows I’ve low key been going hard on splits conditioning for months now & I’m actually getting really close so this summer I will be able to do handstands/splits & probably gonna be shredded from the high protein cut I’m starting at the end of the month and no one will be able to control me

I’ll only reactivated my Facebook if one of my friends will change their relationship status to be in an “it’s complicated” relationship with me

Remember how on Facebook you could put “it’s complicated” as your relationship status so everyone would know you’re a messy couple

Just realized I once dated a guy for two years and we lived together and never said ‘I love you’ to each other wtf

Do you guys think I’m funny or are you just waiting around for tit pics be honest

When I got robbed this summer I got really insecure bc I thought if i was hotter I wouldn’t have gotten robbed bc who robs a hot girl but since then I’ve heard several HOTTIES reference getting robbed and I felt better and also I’m glad theres no pretty privilege when it comes to getting robbed

Just heard a guy at the bar say “yeah there’s no target on my back these day. I’m free of HR. I just don’t talk to girls at work anymore. “

I was letting this one guy stress me out this week but then I remembered his biggest insecurity is that he’s 5’9 and decided to block him. Short kings are cool napoleon syndrome is not

Over the summer I took some really cool film photos of my friends eating at White Castle and I accidentally exposed that roll and I still haven’t forgiven myself.

I’ve only been broken up with one time and I was 20 and he was like 26 and he said I always turned everything into a joke (I was in my stand up comedian era) it’s been 9 years since and I still prank call him every time I’m at a slumber party so I guess he was probably right