Whenever my bf’s out of town I add at least three more pink things to our home

Would you take her out for lobster even though she’s allergic and might experience a lil anaphylactic shock

No one has deceived me more than cottage cheese influencers

It’s not even 9am and I’ve already threatened to kms twice

goodnight 💖

Being locked out of my largest social media account and having to slowly and painfully build all my other accounts in order to keep making money online is going great why do you ask

I’m being hunted

I’m the first person to ever be sleepy on a Monday afternoon

It’s a jump scare every time I’m scrolling and see my own post pop up in my feed. What I say is not my business

i hate bottomless brunch. why would i want to have brunch if none of my friends are allowed to come

using my platform to spread awareness that oranges are very in season right now and they taste like candy

I was wondering how long it would take for the losers to find me here

Posting my new headshots here if that’s okay with u

I’m locked out of twitter bc the two factor thing isn’t working for me and support is moving real slow but I just remembered I can still log in here. Hiiiii

New ass in yoga pants pic just dropped

Waking up early was going great but now it’s 10am and I’ve been up for 4 hours and frankly this is too much day for me

My most toxic trait is opening up a window for a little while to air our home out in the morning even though it’s cold outside and then forgetting to close it until I notice it’s freezing inside

Imagine you just gave birth and a little boy comes over and starts banging the fuck out of his drum

Sloppy Joe is short for Slopert Joseph

you’re laughing? a wealthy CEO who profited off of the health concerns and often worst moments of millions of peoples lives got shot point blank in broad daylight and they can’t find the suspect bc too many people wanted him dead to narrow it down and you’re laughing?

It’s tacky to post things on Twitter and over here but just know I’ve had three chocolate martinis and I’m talking shit over there

this diva

Taking a moment today to celebrate what really matters (the national dog show sponsored by Purina)

Does anyone on this app know about the thanksgiving movie Home for the Holidays bc I watch it every year and I always feel insane that no one knows about it. It’s so good!!!

Gonna be red wine drunk for the foreseeable future if anyone wants to kiss my gorgeous purple mouth

why was that little freak watching his mom kiss Santa Claus

Started feeling a little extra crampy and was like hmm that’s weird and my bf reminded me that I’m close to when I would normally get my period and I fully forgot I still had to go through the first period after surgery and I’m not emotionally ready for that 😭

they’re saying it’s too wholesome over here so allow me to change that

that’s her my hoodie string now

It’s hard to rebuild a following but through ass, cum jokes, and the inability to put down my phone by god I’ll do it

Being on here more often has made me realize just how bad twitter has become omg like I feel inclined to call it x for the first time now simply bc it’s a shell of what used to be

Being mysterious at the bar with a dirty martini and a pile of tater tots

Found guilty of posting this pic on Twitter and here I’m sorry I’m SORRY

who up Worrying

Do you think Shania Twain has ever eaten a Chili’s triple dipper

getting myself a glass of water with lemon, putting on background jazz and lighting a cozy candle at my desk so I can spend the next few hours editing pictures of my own butthole

I technically joined over a year ago but it’s official now (just put my link in bio)

personally I wish I had even MORE apps to post on

if I can get an ice cold soda out of a vending machine there’s no reason why I shouldn’t be able to choose from a variety of ice cold pickles

If you have sex and make a baby everyone’s happy for you but if you have sex and make a sex tape now you’ve “ruined thanksgiving”

the world is still your oyster but it’s now one of the few that have flesh eating bacteria in it

posting ass pics on here so my followers from other apps can find me pt 2

Smoking a joint with my titties out if you even care

part of the recovery process from laparoscopic surgery is walking around as much as possible so my friends have been taking turns going on slow walks with me like i’m a beloved elderly dog

This app is telling me the handle I’ve had for over a year on here is invalid now without letting me see why 🥲

Repost my last ass pic so I can find my friends and followers you cowards

here’s hoping everyone who follows me on other sites will recognize me by my ass and follow me here too ✨

hello again

IMPORTANT