i don't wanna omad >:(

i don't want to think about food

do any of y'all play any instruments?

might play piano again since we're home alone. idk. feels too self conscious with other humans here.

how do you "go home" when you're already as close as you'll get. my home is everywhere and nowhere. but never somewhere it seems.

a number of things fucked up yesterday's plan for today. again. so idk if imma workout or even shower. everything is weird. things don't feel real.

feeling homesick and sad

i hate numbers. we were full before opening yogurt. with previous equation that would put the numbers at 1 or 3, total 2, which will just have to be okay i guess 😭 im tired of my stupid brain

THEY FINALLY DID IT!!! okie so *i* was not present during shopping, but apparently They finally found a strawberry applesauce that has no sugar or syrup added!!?!?? FINALLY OMG THIS IS SO HAPPY OMG we've been wanting this for the longest time and check often, and it finally happened :') FUCK Yes GAH

and yogurt cos we didn't look at the date at the store and the date on some of em is next week 🤪🙃😝 i like yogurt but i didn't want to have to eat it but also i can't stand only two things, it's gotta be either one or three, and yogurt makes three 😭 FML I'M SO FUCKING TIRED HOLEY SHIT

despising how uneven my muscles are. past few years i've noticed my legs and torso improving in evenness due to difficult changes we made in workouts. however, unless we somehow acquire and master a mirrored keyboard and keypad...our arms will never be even 😭 easier to write legibly with LH now tho.

going to go back on a sugar fast for the foreseeable future, which is hilarious because i cannot see the future, but basically just no obvious/bad/processed sugars except for birthdays and holidays. fruit is okay. we're debating if mints count.

lentils and salad omad.

[notes to selves. processing random parts of ER. boring thread ahead.] they only had one mental disorder on file which was hilarious to me. i think we maybe forgot the ADHD when updating their list. the one nurse put the IV 1 cm BELOW the crease in my arm which made a *surprisingly* huge difference.

guess we will just do PT. idk what's happening. i think we might have zoned out and done trichotillomania things for a bit.

there's too much to do not enough consecutive time to organise everything properly 😭

i wish i could do tomorrow's work. like i feel like im in Waiting Mode. FOR TOMORROW. like bitch we still got the rest of today, including an omad, why are we waiting to clock in tomorrow, da fuq!? we just clocked out half an hour ago smh

i want to workout but feel like it should be a good/hard workout but will we have all the right types of energy for that AND the shower that will be required? cos if i workout and don't sweat enough to need a shower bad enough it lets me disregard the dysphoria...then i will have failed in some way

FUCK OCD.

all yesterday's plans for today got foiled in various ways and now im trying to figure out what to do instead/how to deal with this. low-key just want to nap 🙃 like i don't have an official reason i *need* to shower *tonight*, except that i planned to yesterday. but laundry got done so low hot water

today the spinach tastes like taro.

i need someone to explain the science of why my jaw looks sharper after i take a shit. wtf is up with that. lmao.

idk what we've eaten today or what time is. had a good nap at the ER after their "migraine cocktaiI" 😂 was out of there an hour or three before expected which was kind of nice but also weird...ended up half napping when got home and then extended it on accident for an hour after B woke me...now food

More like “what u got goin wrong” ammirtie

hey peeps what u got goin on

head fuckin hurts. like laying down feels like too much pressure. granted i did laugh my ass off at sibling dinner so that def didn't help. i wish there wasn't so much big shit happening in a day cos i can't tell what effects are from what cause...idk i just know i feel overextended but idk how much

been up since 2 as usual except we had taken 3 sleep gummies 🙄 ugh anyway just had 🍃 smoke with B. been keeping screens off all night and playing music through speaker...feeling strange and scattered, physically frozen. B is doing the tornado of cleaning we normally would be doing* which feels weird

funny how many things i can get done when im supposed to be doing something else.

fuck we're exhausted 😭 been a huge day, many changes...much laughter but now my head hurts worse and so does my chest but that might be cos im sad that people and cats moved out...but fam time was good...and then we came back to almost empty house...everything feels unreal...and we ate too much

answered the phone thinking it was a doc office, it's random guy from random energy place, i literally said in a giggle tone "im sorry i actually don't have the energy for this right now" and then hung up 🤣

figuring out which exercises hurt the least 😅

i feel weird cos i ate at work so why am i eating dinner OH right cos B offered it lol why must we be silly like this

are you hydrated?

had to ask to use someone else's office at work cos we couldn't deal with the light and the hat that we normally wear felt heavy so it was either anvil on my head or swords in my eyes...thankfully there was an empty office my vampiric selves could hide in but damn. it's been 3 weeks since head bonk.

fuck my ex. and all the shit he put me through. fr fuck everything.

Like/rt if you hate everything and everyone who’s ever wronged you or never cared about you in the first place

im tired of being tired

mornin peeps how y'all doin

synesthesia is crazy y'all idk wtf happened but it's going strong today so i hope that turns into a good thing at work and not an obstacle

time to figure out omad since we're driving tomorrow. ugh. prob just gonna do ramen?

never been good at calendars but we're gonna try writing something in at the end of each day, just the biggest overall Thing that happened. then after a month or two we can figure out what categories there are, colour code them, and turn that into a MIDI track or something like the song of our year.

workout time 🤪 and drinking water WATER ugh my back and neck have had some way worse twinges than normal today and idk if it's cos we slept extra wonky last night or the odd sensations/situations from flashbacks of a physical type we haven't experienced in awhile...idk idk im tired but here we go 🏋️💪

survived work and looked ahead at tomorrow's queue...there will be a lot of swearing for sure 💀 people dropping all sorts of *shit* needlessly, cluttering the the good work of other people. ugh. incompetent assholes. we keep telling them this one file format is invalid. they keep dropping it anyway.

Same, plant. Same.

sry we been kinda quiet lately...been lacking social capacity and haven't had much to say...feelin like we're both under- and overthinking everything...2/3 housemates are moving out Sat so that feels weird...been rolodexing a lot...lots of thoughts...slightly less flashbacks than normal...but Tired.

been feeling kind of disconnected. do not know how to fix it. feels like our capacity is waning.

workout time. will fix room more later. maybe after omad.

definitely ate too much yesterday. need to workout a bunch today. i hate that all it takes is a couple days of carelessness to undo a week or two of progress.