Trans people deserve buckets of respect, in my book. They've looked within, and made a decision to publically identify as what they truly are. Such introspection is to be commended, not ridiculed. It's fucking brave, too. #Trans

Finished off this majestic spawn of the Dark Prince over the weekend. Without wanting to blow my own trumpet, I'm pretty damn chuffed with how they've come out! My only regret is that I didn't do something more interesting with the base. #Warhammer #PaintingWarhammer #Slaanesh

No cheating your last saved picture of a celebrity is your therapist.

They say miniature painting only requires two things: a steady hand and patience. I have all the dexterity of a fried egg, and a psyche that demands instant gratification. But I have passion, and about thirty years experience. So I make do.

GPOY.

I'm slightly envious of @alexhorne.bsky.social in Series Five of #Taskmaster. I'd love Sally Phillips to pin me down and smear my armpits with chocolate cake. And make me wear her flesh-coloured knickers. Too far?

I'm pioneering the word 'chaps' as a gender-neutral term.

A very talented man, deserves to be remembered beyond "oooh matron" (as wonderful as that catchphrase was!)

“Corrupted in form and tainted by madness” used to be the opening line of my dating profile.

Some poltroon on Facebook accused me of being the sort of person who identifies as a cat. I assume he's trying to say that I'm a woke lefty snowflake. But it's hard to be sure.

A rather big announcement... On Tuesday I'll be actually PLAYING Age of Sigmar. I've been a collector and painter, but haven't actually played a #Warhammer game in over twenty years! I'm quite excited. Have I got enough (appropriately-coloured) dice...?

I try not to 'feed the trolls' when I'm online. Not anymore. Young man's game. ... but if you're going to start bad-mouthing my favourite band, I will rain down on you like a piñata full of semen.

The TV adaptation of #GoodOmens was practically perfect. I'm pretty sure it would have made Sir Terry scowl into his beard, but he would have been quietly proud of it. Shame they did a second series. And a shame that Gaiman had to be a filthy twat-bucket.

I used to really enjoy doing designs for my Redbubble shop... But now as soon as anything's vaguely successful some other bastard just nicks it! And I've not got the patience to endure the dispute process.

GPOY.

It's 150 days that I've been off the slops today. I'm getting so much more done. Writing, painting, watching DVDs, reading. One of things they don't often mention about the booze is how much time it takes up. Always trying to get drunk/getting drunk/being drunk/sleeping it off. It's a full-time job!

Not my game. Not my circus. Not my monkeys. Not our division. Not the Nine O'Clock News. Not not. Who's there? Not me.

Today I took a photo of some of my Beasties. I'm peeved that these horned bastards are getting booted out of AoS. They could at very least have done rules for Spearhead or a Regiment of Renown. But noooo... #BeastsOfChaos #PaintingWarhammer

Heroin? Pffft. You should have a bang on this stuff, sunshine...

Advertise your account with a gif

Banners. I like painting 'em. I imagine all that scrawl is Slaanesh's blasphemous scriptures. His unholy commandments. #PaintingWarhammer

Do 'Magic the Gathering' players really paint on their cards to pretend their game is actually interesting?

Seems like the new episode of 'The Muppet Show' has been a success. More proof that people just want the same old thing. A quick nostalgia hit. I'm not sure Jim Henson would have approved. He always wanted to break new ground with his creations. Oh well. He's dead. #Muppets

Mel Giedroyc getting a blue M&M lodged messily in her nostril... another solid-gold #Taskmaster classic moment.

Painting miniatures and eating popcorn. Saturday afternoon, eh?

I don't say the word 'fuck' out loud very often... But I type it quite a bit. And I utilise it to an almost coprolalic degree when writing in my daily diary!

The other thing I crave when boredom strikes is ghastly pop music (ranging from mid-80s to circa 2013). As deplorable as being on the slops, but with less rotting of the liver.

Boredom is one of my biggest alcohol triggers. If I've got spare time, I instinctively crave the bottle. It drives me spare.

New Instagram account... instagram.com/shardspeaker. It's for showing off my #Warhammer miniatures (and general #Slaanesh inspo). If you're an aficionado of that sort of thing, do trot along and give it a follow! Mwah.

Post a Mage!

An old Chaos Sorcerer that I just finished painting. The model that I DIDN'T get when they did a free random wizard with White Dwarf back in the 90s (I got the Jade Wizard. Boo.) Delighted to finally have him in my collection! #Warhammer #Slaanesh #PaintingWarhammer

My miniatures always seem to look much better in person than in photos. I think it's because I'm a bit impressionistic, to borrow a term from fine art. I go for the overall effect, rather than subtle highlighting and detail work. I'm probably talking a load of wank, really.

I often fantasise about having Sunday lunch at a carvery with Greg Davies. It's not a sexual fantasy. Is it....?

If you'll pardon my lapse into the topical... Nicki Minaj is clearly related to the stegosaurus; her brains are in her arse.

I completed painting a whopping fourteen miniatures this month. That's more than I finished off in the entirety of 2025! For February, I'm going to tackle something big, while the artistic urge is with me...

"They'd never be able to make this nowadays because of all the sensitive woke snowflakes". - That's every Facebook comment on every clip of every UK comedy show that was made pre-COVID, right there. Fucking cretins.

Rob Beckett almost puking up his "big coffee" whilst rolling around in goose shit is a perennial favourite #Taskmaster moment for me.

Got the results of my 'sleep study'. Apparently I do have sleep apnea, and have probably had it all my life. So there's a medical reason why I've always liked an afternoon nap!

I love these biscuits. Yes, I do have the culinary sophistication of a rabid five-year-old at a birthday party... thanks for noticing.

Rather surprised that in Andy Serkis's reading of 'Small Gods' he elected to pronounce Brutha as, basically, "brother". I always assumed it was Brew-tha, like Luther. Am I alone? #Discworld

My lovely horse... almost done. His rider should be in the saddle before the month is out, too. #WIPWednesday

There is no justice. There is just us.

Slick as a buttered otter... #Warhammer #Slaanesh #AgeOfSigmar

Today I taught my three-year-old niece to say "ni!" I'm sure her parents will appreciate that.

Anyone else fancy a kebab?

"Kermit's voice isn't right". I don't think people realise that its not just some voice-over guy. The Muppet guys are performers, they're turning a bag of felt into a genuine character. It's a real art form. Considering that, I think it's amazing how good they are replicating old voices! #Muppets

Even if you're entirely objective about it, Graham Linehan just LOOKS like someone who stays up all night harassing women on the internet.

Magnificent advice, right there.

When I first entered the #Warhammer hobby, the first models I fell in love with were these glorious Slaanesh Chaos Champions, sculpted by Jes Goodwin. Yeah, I'm old. I'm proud them. They were a joy to paint! #Slaanesh

I grew up with the 1987 'Masters of the Universe' movie. The toys? Never had them. The cartoon? Nope, never watched it. But I loved the movie. It was my 'Star Wars'. So this new #MotU movie probably isn't for me.