SINCE WHEN ARE YOU THE EXPERT ON WRIGGLER TROLL HYBRIDS?! [Karkat holds up his arm, the cuff on his wrist covered in bite marks/dents] >:[

SOLLUX MAY I REMIND YOU THAT SOMETHING DOES NOT NECESSARILY HAVE TO BE BIGGER OR SMALLER THAN YOU IN ORDER TO RIP A THROAT OUT AND / OR CAUSE BODILY HARM?!

YEAH, FOR NOW SHES GOING TO WORK HER WAY UP TO IT, OBVIOUSLY. LOOK AT HER. SHE KEEPS BITING EVERYTHING >:[

STOP! FULL STOP!!! THIS IS NOT FUNNY. THIS IS EVIDENCE OF A HORRIFIC EVENT UNFOLDING RIGHT NOW!!!! MY WRIGGLER IS DEVOURING PETS!! THIS IS HOW IT STARTS!!! FIRST IT’S A GOLDFISH, NEXT IT’S THE FAMILY BARKBEAST, AND THEN IT’S ME!!!

OH FUCK YOU CAPTOR, SHE WASN’T “LOST” UNTIL IFREYA GOT INVOLVED. I’M HANDLING IT. EVERYONE ELSE CAN STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY BECAUSE YOU GUYS ARE /NOT/ HELPFUL!!!

NO. NO HEROICS. NO “STEP ASIDE, I GOT THIS.” BULLSHIT. YOU DON’T GOT THIS. SHE’S A VANTAS. SHE’S MY RESPONSIBILITY. STAY BACK AND LET ME HANDLE IT!! [Karkat is about to have a fucking aneurysm]

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU LOST HER?! SHE'S LIKE A FOOT AND A HALF TALL AND DOESN'T STOP SCREAMING- HOW THE FUCK DO YOU LOSE HER!?!? NOBODY MOVE. THE SMALL ONE IS LOOSE!!! SHE HAS SHARP TEETH. SHE IS NOT AFRAID TO USE THEM!! IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIFE, THEN DO NOT APPROACH THE TINY PINK TROLL!!!

[ Karkat lights the fire, thrusts a couple sticks and skewers at Gamzee, and glares] THERE. IT’S LIT. YOU HAVE YOUR TOOLS. NOW TRY NOT TO TORCH YOUR FACE OFF LIKE THE SUGAR OBSESSED JACKASS YOU ARE. AND YOU @mistakecollective.bsky.social BEHAVE

[Karkat lures Gamzee to a proper fire pit. He is already stacking wood into it, muttering about how he’s going to die surrounded by idiots with sugar addictions and no critical thinking skills] STUPID. FUCKING. CLOWNS. (anyways guys meet my good friend :3)

[AGGRESSIVELY TAPPING THE POST FOR ANYONE THINKING IM "TOO MEAN" TO IFREYA]

WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU 𝗧𝗥𝗬𝗜𝗡𝗚 TO MAKE ME JEALOUS?! WHY DO YOU DO THINGS JUST TO GET A RISE OUT OF ME?!?! HAVE FUN WITH YOUR LOW QUALITY HUMAN SLOP GAME !!!

EXCUSE THE FUCK OUT OF ME?! SHE ASKED ME FIRST. SHE ALWAYS ASKS ME FIRST!! AND THEN YOU GUYS HAVE THE AUDACITY TO SIT THERE AND OPENLY TALK ABOUT MAKING ME JEALOUS LIKE ASSHOLES?! 💢 WELL GUESS WHAT? I AM. CONGRATULATIONS, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

WHY THE FUCK WOULD I WILLINGLY SUBJECT MYSELF TO A GARBAGE HUMAN GAME THAT DOES NOTHING BUT TURN FRIENDS INTO BACKSTABBING SHITSTAINS AND PARANOID LUNATICS?!? I’M NOT PLAYING YOUR GASLIGHTING SPACE SIMULATOR 💢

┏━━┓╋╋┏┓╋╋╋┏━┳━┓ ┃━┳╋┳━┫┣┓┏━┫━┫━┫ ┃┏┫┃┃━┫━┫┃╋┃┏┫┏┛ ┗┛┗━┻━┻┻┛┗━┻┛┗┛

DO YOU EVER GET TIRED OF BEING THE MOST AGGRAVATING CREATURE TO EVER EXIST, OR IS THIS SOME KIND OF FULL-TIME PROFESSION FOR YOU??? DELETE THIS. DELETE THIS RIGHT NOW BEFORE I INVENT A NEW KIND OF SUFFERING JUST FOR YOU

[dramatic whispering] ɪ ꜰᴜᴄᴋɪɴɢ ʜᴀᴛᴇ ʏᴏᴜ.

OH YEAH, PERFECT IDEA. DON'T CHECK IF HE'S GOT A CONCUSSION OR IF HE'S STILL BREATHING, JUST MAKE SURE HE'S COZY WHILE HE POSSIBLY SLIPS INTO A COMA. FANTASTIC PRIORITIES, REALLY.

ARE YOU IDIOTS DONE LAUGHING AT THE STUPID PP BIT

NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN

OH GREAT, WE’RE REALLY DOING THIS. WE’VE EVOLVED BEYOND CIVILIZED CONVERSATION AND INTO DEGENERATE POTTY HUMOR. ‘HAHA PP PLANET' THIS ISN'T EVEN FUNNY

I AM NOT CRYING. I’M SIMPLY EXPERIENCING A RARE CASE OF EYE SWEAT DUE TO THE ABSURD EMOTIONAL HUMIDITY IVE BEEN EXPOSED TO SENTIMENTALITY IS AN IRRITATING BIOHAZARD AND SHOULD BE BANNED I’M JUST GONNA CURL UP INTO A BALL AND DIE FROM BEING UNDERSTOOD TOO HARD

OH I'M "DRAMATIC AND STUPID" HUH?! FINE. DONT LISTEN TO ME OR MY WARNINGS. IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVE LIVED WITH HER OR ANYTHING AND WOULD KNOW BETTER THAN TO LET A SOUL WARPING GREMLIN PUT HER GRUBBY LITTLE PAWS ALL OVER ME.

WHAT THE F*** DID I JUST SAY

DO NOT PET HER FUCKING EARS. IT IS A TRAP AND IT'S HOW SHE GETS YOU.

STOP PROMISING THREATS AT ME

THIS IS A THREAT

IGNORE THIS I JUST WANT A DIFFERENT PICTURE FOR MY PINNED

I WOKE UP TODAY AND IMMEDIATELY REGRETTED IT I CAN’T TELL IF I’M HAVING A BREAKDOWN OR IF THIS IS JUST WHAT BEING AWAKE IS SUPPOSED TO FEEL LIKE I HATE IT, DO NOT RECOMMEND

TEREZI NO WHAT PART OF “DO NOT ANSWER THAT” TRANSLATED TO “DECLARE A LOUD PUBLIC YES"?!? NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT. THIS IS A FORMAL CEASE AND DESIST ON ALL SMELL AND TASTE BASED INVESTIGATIONS !!!!

GO AHEAD, MOCK ME FOR “SHOUTING ALL THE TIME” AT LEAST EVERYONE CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT I’M SAYING UNLIKE YOUR GIBBERISH, NOT THAT I’M LISTENING CLOSELY OR ANYTHING

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU KIDS DOING

OH MY GOD. NO. NONE OF THAT IS SEXY. YOUR SLEEP DEPRIVATION ISN’T A CUTE QUIRK, IT’S A RED FLAG!!!! AND YES, YOU CREEP ME OUT. YOU’VE ALWAYS CREEPED ME OUT “II2 THAT 2EXY?” WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT?!?! I’M GOING TO BURY MYSELF IN A DIRT HOLE AND SCREAM.

NO. HEARING THE VOICES OF THE DEAD IS NOT A SEXY PERSONALITY TRAIT. IT’S CREEPY.

I DON'T CARE IF THIS BITCH IS A CUSTOMER THIS ATTITUDE IS RATED E FOR EVERYONE

WHY THE FUCK DID YOU PUT MY FACE ON FOOD?!? WHO ALLOWED THIS?! I DIDN'T AGREE TO BE THE HOLY ICON OF YOUR DERANGED CULT SHIT!!! STOP IT, GET SOME HELP!! (OKAY, IT'S A LITTLE FUNNY... BUT I HATE YOU /NOTSRS)

[he reaches with his arms out while leaning forward like he's about to charge] TOO LATE, YOU CAPTURED MY ATTENTION. R U N.

WHAT THE FUCK IS A WATER COOLER SUPPOSED TO DO? KEEP THE WATER COOL?!? IF IT’S JUST SITTING THERE. THEN IT WAS ALREADY COOL!! IF YOU NEED A BIG PLASTIC JUG TO MAKE YOUR FILTHY HYDRATION METHODS SEEM FANCY, THAT’S YOUR PROBLEM!!! AND YOU'RE NOT DUNKING ME IN S***!!

[He is bristling at the lame comment, now he's shouting louder] ACTION HERO!? THE ONLY "ACTION" I’M TAKING IS IMMEDIATELY DRAGGING YOUR LANKY ASS INTO WATCHING SOME MORE WITH ME BECAUSE CLEARLY YOU DIDN’T LEARN ANYTHING THE FIRST COUPLE DOZEN TIMES!!

I’M NOT “COMING TO SAVE YOU” LIKE SOME LAME MOVIE PLOT 💢 SHUT YOUR MOUTH BEFORE I SHUT IT FOR YOU. JUST FOR THAT I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU WATCH ANOTHER ROMCOM, BUT ONLY BECAUSE I NEED TO CLEANSE MY THINKPAN OF WHATEVER THE FUCK THIS CONVERSATION IS!!!

[FLUSTERED RAGING] SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH RIGHT NOW

@watercoooler.bsky.social OH MY GOD IT'S MY FRIEND

FUCK YOUR SUGAR RUSH BULLSHIT [In a quick motion, Karkat rips his cape off and whips it over Tavros to block his line of sight just long enough for Karkat to get a head start. He is hauling ass out of there.]

WHAT THE FUCK AM I, A SCRATCH AND SNIFF?! DONT YOU DARE ANSWER THAT

SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT BEFORE TRYING TO CAPTURE THE CAPTOR, NOW 𝗬𝗢𝗨 ARE GOING TO BECOME CAPTURED. BY 𝗠𝗘. CONGRATULATIONS ON THE FULL CIRCLE [he is flexing his claws]

ACTUALLY WE ARE FIGHTING RIGHT NOW

(SUPPORT MY ART TOO, ASSHOLES)

@twiinarmageddon.bsky.social WHO THE FLIP TROLLNAPPED YOU AND THEN TRIED TO RETURN YOU LIKE SOME CHEAP NOVELTY GIFT?! POINT ME TO THEM

[FLUSTERED RAGING] SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP! DO 𝗡𝗢𝗧 JUST START SCREAMING THIS LIKE IT’S SOME KIND OF PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT!!! I DO NOT "THRIVE" ON THIS! I DO NOT GET OFF ON BEING USED AS SOME GLORIFIED CHEW TOY!!

????!!?? OH MY GOD. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! YOU CAN’T JUST TAKE EVERY SINGLE THREAT OF VIOLENCE I MAKE AND TWIST IT INTO YOUR PERSONAL ENJOYMENT! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH OF A DERANGED FREAK YOU SOUND LIKE? I’M TRYING TO SCARE YOU OFF, NOT WHATEVER THE FUCK THIS IS!!

@iffywoofs.bsky.social I'M GOING. TO BITE YOU. THAT IS A THREAT.