My 5 year old said, "I want a job when I grow up!" The way AI and the current job market are going, this feels like the dream.

My 5 year old is home sick today and has declared that she has LOTS of babies! ME: Why do you have a lot of babies? 5 YEAR OLD: Because I was pregnant A LOT of times! Concerning, but solid logic.

I hope the MAGA women are taking note here. Trump's gone after Kristi Noem, Pam Bondi and it sounds like next up, Tulsi Gabbard. Aligning yourself with a hate-based, pedophile with dementia isn't going to save you. They still hate women, even you.

If something happens to me tonight, I want you to know it's because the 4-year-old kept saying Candyman because she saw how freaked out it made me... She said his name over FIVE TIMES, thankfully not in front of a mirror, but this has to be how a sequel starts, right?!!!

My 4 year old is watching Spiderman and said Spiderman needs to go back and clean up all his webs 🤦‍♀️🤣❤️

Anyone mad @criterion.bsky.social is releasing K-Pop Demon Hunters needs to remember: 1. The future of physical media collecting relies on new generations getting excited about it! Hook 'em young!

If a group of women would like to go to the forest and just scream... just rage scream, lemme know... we could call ourselves a coven, could be cute. 💅

ICE tried to enter Ecuador’s consulate in Minneapolis... Consulates are basically a base in a game of hot lava and AMERICA is covered in red hat hot lava!

I wish there was a way to incorporate all of my daughter's favorite things for her 5th birthday party... Mothra Frankenstein Hello Kitty Princesses and Godzilla!

Imagine going through life not liking David Lynch... [gets up walks up to a window, opens it to find a giant tea pot eating an apple filled with the image of your lost love.] ...what a shame.

Yo algorithm! Stop sending me posts that are 2 weeks old, I'm just scrolling through liking things and now I look like a creep standing behind you whispering, "I like where you were 3 weeks ago..."

An escape room, but it's just you and your partner trying to figure out who is responsible for your homeowner's insurance and when you need to reapply.

The parenting books are working because a kid just told my 4 year old today that “Santa’s Not Real,” and I didn’t murder him on the spot. Breaking generational trauma.

"I bet you're really beautiful on the inside!" Me trying to boost the confidence of an ugly Christmas sweater.

If anyone still wants to send Reggie and his family some cheer, just use the address below: bsky.app/profile/jens...

“Oh, you better watch out You better not cry You better not pout I'm telling you why…” Sounds like the intro to a gentle parenting video where the guy says, “This is the type of generational trauma we’re trying to break…”

If Trump's impeached can we get Colbert back? Asking for a friend... it's America, America is the friend.

Del Toro's "Frankenstein," is now available on Netflix. It's still spooky season in my heart. Someone please tell Mariah Carey that it's not tiiiiimmmmmeee... It's FrankenSTEEEEEEIIIIIIIIINNNN!!!

Halloween was last week... I still say the scariest costume I saw was the old white lady wearing a MAGA hat coming out of Starbucks.

My 4 year old just came by trying to get me to try one of her Halloween candies and she said, "If you haven't ever tried it, you should try it!" and in my 4 years of being an advertising major I feel that was the best slogan I've ever heard.

Me: Well, I’m planning on going to (checks calendar) five surprise horror marathons in October, but then I can take a break for a bit, right? New Beverly: Howzabout a 2000s horror marathon on (checks calendar) November 1st? Me: Goddammit. (reaches for wallet)

Actorle #1315 1/8 🟩 Play here: actorle.com #Actorle #MovieChallenge

I just snuck into my toddler’s bedroom and placed an open book in front of 10 of her stuffies… This will either result in an adorable sense of wonder or it’ll be the memory she repeats to her therapist for the next 20 years.

At this point in my life I just wanna perimenopause sherpa... someone who can tell me, "Yes, bitch that's a hot flash," or "No, bitch that's climate change!"

Check out the brand new Halloween themed game show that I'm on, Graveyard Games to see if I'll be a final girl!!! www.youtube.com/watch?v=d5rN...

A lot of replies here from folks who’ve never listened to NPR in their life, and get their image of it from outraged Bluesky posts. NPR rules, and delves into social issues the way few other outlets do.

For the other parents with toddler girls, which "K-Pop Demon Hunter," song is stuck in your head 24/7 ❤

Tune in to see if I make it outta the graveyard alive… will I be the final girl on Graveyard Games tune in on Wednesday at 2pm PST on YouTube for the first ep to find out! Happy Spooky Season! I’ll be rocking my favorite New Beverly shirt and Dark Del’s and Scarecrow pins #graveyardgames

So excited for you all to see Graveyard Games, the first Halloween game show! On YouTube 10/1 with new eps every Wednesday in October, tune in to see if I’m a Final Girl! ❤️🎃❤️

Maybe we should ban white guys till we figure out what is going on.

We had a pizza skull break during the horror-a-thon :)

We hosted our Halloween Horror-A-Thon tonight, here was the spread and the movies: 1. Hotel Transylvania (for the kiddos) (2012) 2. Lady in a Cage (1964) 3. Stepfather 2 (1989) 4. Unhinged (2020) 5. The Cat (Hing Kong, 1992) 6. Delirium (Italy, 1987)

Snack spread part 2! Amazing!

Amazing snack spread at @jensaunderson.bsky.social & @donsaunderson.bsky.social’s Horror Marathon!

Instead of FAFO… “Bend The Knee And Find Out” creators.yahoo.com/lifestyle/st...

There’s all this talk about the rapture happening tomorrow, but as a horror fan I feel if “Martyrs,” has taught us ANYTHING it’s that God doesn’t take too kindly to folks trying to skip ahead of his plans.

Silly Jimmy Kimmel. He should have just called for all homeless people to be killed and he’d still have a job.

People are really merrily moving towards fascism with zero self awareness that if they're not a billionaire they're not on the team.

At 43 I'm still chasing the feeling of watching horror movies with my friends as a teen and each year I become more and more successful of reliving that feeling!❤

HALLOWEEN SECRET: Pumpkin spice comes from a long lost 6th Spice Girl that we don't talk about… legend has it her boyfriend didn’t want to get with her friends and it just Ziggy Ziggy Awwwh’d from there.

Prepping for our 7th annual horror-a-thon at the end of the month. I'll be baking 12 different baked goods and 12 savory treats! I'm starting the bakes this week. There are spreadsheets, calendars and lists of ingredients... BUT I still don't know what movies I'm going to play😂😂😂

I'm 43 and the checker at Trader Joe's called me Miss instead of Ma'am... sooooo I think I'm gonna keep pushing off botox, thanks!

Did Trump just say he's been blaming AI since he was a baby? Soooo did someone take the hypothetical time machine to Baby Trump to just to give him a briefing of 2025?

I overthink things to the extent that if it was my job... I'd have a corner window office by now.

We were talking about my Mom and missing her. I said to Hadley, “Some people believe you can talk to folks you lost or pray.” Hadley’s response………. “When you kiss a girl you have to marry them!” 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I live in the edge…. I wait until 11:55pm to complete my Duolingo to keep the streak going!

As we get closer to spooky season... just a PSA to remember Freddy Kruger's backstory before you decide to dress up as "sexy" Freddy Kruger 🤢🤢🤢

I'm so sick of hearing about the "Male Loneliness Epidemic." I WANNA hear about the Boss Ass Bitches breaking generational patterns by not settling for weak ass men who refused to invest in their own personalities! Where are those queens?!!! ❤

Toddler: what’s on your shirt? Me: it’s my favorite band, At The Drive-In… do you want to hear them (plays, “One Armed Scissor”) Toddler: They sound like your shirt! 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Can we please pool our money and hire a fleet of sign twirling guys that every day stand in front of the White House with Trump's approval rating? If all he cares about are ratings, I want them to be loud, in his face and a spectacle like he's been to all of us for the past decade!