Good morning all 🌞 I spent most of the night with a feeling of dread that I've forgotten something important, I'm sure I haven't, but once again it's meant I've had very little sleep. I may nap later, but have the fun of a DWP call to get through first, oh joy. Hope you all have a great day 🤞

Let's hope so, and no, we shouldn't care.

Good morning all 🌞 Up early for my GP appointment, wouldn't be looking forward to that at the best of times, but only got a couple of hours sleep again last night. Need to be at the top of my game to ensure I'm not fobbed off. Hope everyone has a great day 🤞

Hoping my GP appointment tomorrow starts me down the road to working out why I feel physically like crap all the time, and have done for the last decade at least. Previously, it could have been attributed to lack of exercise, being overweight and smoking. But that's changed and I feel no better.

Good morning all 🌞 Not looking forward to today, back to my lonely, mundane life, which always seems so bleak after a weekend of fabulous company. I need to keep plodding on and looking for another job, but finding the drive to do that isn't easy at times. Hope everyone has a better day than me 🤞

A day doesn't go by when I'm not thankful that the amazing @mrstales.bsky.social is among those I can count as a friend, such an amazing woman 🤗

Two thirds of the way through my second day without vaping, and both of them have had periods of stress when vaping would have really helped. Very much in full on Lloyd Bridges mode at the moment 🤣

Introduce yourself as what almost killed you: Just read my pinned post since that is technically the most accurate answer. Fortunately, I'm not in that frame of mind these days.

I'm not sure which is worse, getting a rejection email for a job application without even being offered an interview, or hearing nothing at all. Just had the former for a job I applied to a couple of days ago. Not been in the mood for job hunting today, will have to pick that up again on Monday.

No cheating. Reskeet with the most recent picture of your pet. Tommy enjoying some cuddles.

Feeling rather emotionally vulnerable today, really need lots of cuddles (not a euphemism), absolutely exhausted, just want to fall asleep in someone's arms.

So what am I going to be the best yet? Whatever it is I hope it's NSFW 😘

I've dredged up a memory from my childhood recently, the details of which I'm not going to share here, which I'm realising I'd suppressed for a long time, but even though I wasn't consciously aware of it is clearly one of the key reasons I've had attachment issues over the years.

Is it jumping?

I would be bored to tears by this point in the Xmas holidays in the best of years, but knowing that won't be broken by returning to work shortly really isn't helping this year. Went for a walk in the woods earlier which helped a little, seem to be going there most days at the moment.

A little late, but good morning all 🌞 So, on to 2026, and building in the gains I made last year. I think this is when things are going to get really hard. I'm going to have to face head on how early traumatic events have shaped my adult life, I suspect I'm going to need professional support.

Happy new year everyone 🎉 I hope you all have an amazing 2026 🫂 And with that I'm going to try to get what for me is an early night, bloody fireworks permitting 🤞

I intend to try to knock vaping on the head for the new year, which means I'm very carefully pacing my current cartridge so I'm not forced to buy a refill before midnight 🤣

A couple more job applications fired off, neither of which I think hold the promise of success, but need to keep on plodding through this process. I might get lucky, but if nothing else I need to keep the DWP happy that I'm putting in applications. I think I will skip this rigmarole tomorrow.

Really starting to find job hunting demoralising. I can find plenty of jobs which pay enough for me to survive but where I lack some of the essential skills. mixed with jobs I would love to apply for but don't pay enough for me to cover day to day expenses.

While I'm not one for new year resolutions, most of the standard ones, lose weight, quit smoking, etc. I've ticked off in 2025. 2026 is when I REALLY need to start living again, I need to embrace who I really am and make the most of enjoying some of the more primal pleasures of life 😈

Good morning all 🌞 I hope everyone is looking forward to the year ahead. Mine has certainly had its ups and downs, but it's ending on a very definite high, and I'm looking forward to 2026 being even better, primarily thanks to one very special woman, the incredible @mrstales.bsky.social 🤗

Mislaid my distance glasses, misplacing things is one of my OCD triggers, having massive panic attacks while ripping the flat apart to find them 😭

Off for a walk through the woods with Benny, hopefully that will get my brain firing on all cylinders, and if nothing else it will help stop me worrying about the job situation, which has been consuming me somewhat this morning.

Great start 🙄 Bored, looking at groups in WhatsApp as I had nothing better to do (not used them before), meant to back out, accidentally created a group. Had to message to explain to someone why for 30 seconds they were in a group called "Test" so they didn't worry it was some sort of scam.

Good morning all 🌞 Nothing was troubling me but didn't sleep well again last night, and now having a morning of Tommy being a total shit while trying to put into practice efforts to deprogram some of my paranoias. I love him to bits, but he really isn't helping this morning. 😡

Thought I was doing quite well as my smart watch was showing no stress responses today, then remembered I've not had it on for most of the day 🤣

Listening to Polyaecure as recommended by @mrgrimm99.bsky.social, I wasn't entirely oblivious, but it's really ramming home how aspects of my mother's "interesting" parental style left me screwed up. I won't enter into details here, but in later years she's admitted she wasn't ready to have kids.

It's not quite the new year yet, but as things aren't going to change radically in the next couple of days 🤞 a quick recap of how it started, and how it's ending, and I'm going to leave out the job situation as I want to focus on the positives 💪

That's four job applications fired off this morning. I'm not sure I'm a great fit in terms of my skills of any of them, but that seems to be true for all jobs I'm seeing. As I can stay afloat for a while I need to strive not to get too disheartened, one of them must come up trumps eventually.

Weighed myself before shower, the good news is I've not put on any weight over Xmas, but unsurprisingly I've not lost any either. Need to start the push to get the rest lost in the next 2 to 3 months, especially as there will be at least one day in January lost going to dinner, hopefully two 🤞

Good morning 🌞 Got to sleep last night at a slightly more sensible time, slept a lot better, and managed to work through my stress of yesterday so feeling in a much better place today. However, now I can't use the excuse of Xmas it's back to applying for jobs. Hope everyone has a great day 🤞

Feeling somewhat better this evening, but still not entirely 100%. Knowing I'm going to be stuck on my own for the next few days at least really isn't helping things as it gives me too much time to think, desperately craving some human company when there's none available.

Good morning all. First and likely only post of the day, will return, but right now I need to keep a buffer between me and everyone else to protect them.

If you see this post, share a smile.

Quite a shift in tone between last Saturday and this one. Last week I was on my way to the first party I attended in 15 years, this week I'm back stuck in the flat on my own. 2026 needs to have more Saturdays like last weekend.

Having the last of my unhealthy blowouts this evening, from tomorrow I need to double down on the healthy eating to balance out the excesses of the last few days, and start the final push to shed the excess kilos. At a push I can do that in 2 months, but more realistically it will be 3 or 4.

Desperate for a nap, but having to wait on an Amazon delivery, which is, rather ironically, a SAD lamp to try and help with my energy levels.

Good morning all 🌞 No anxiety dreams last night, but not sure if that will be true for the next few nights, I'll be missing someone a lot over the next few days while she has a well deserved short break to recharge her batteries. Keeping my fingers crossed she has a lovely time 🤞

Started listening to some self help books on Audible to help shake off some of the demons left by childhood programming. Hiding from the world for years kept them at bay, but not in a healthy way. If I'm going to truly live again then I need to start exorcising them once and for all 💪

Feeling somewhat better this afternoon, still not slept but have had something to eat, and am better placed to fight the parts of my programming which seek to undermine me. All started last night with a dream that my mum had died, and spiralled from there, panic attacks and more anxiety dreams.

Bollocks, didn't go to bed until 3am, woken by an anxiety dream at 0430, that triggered a massive panic attack and wave of self loathing which has lasted for 90 minutes so far, preventing me from getting back to sleep. Thinking I may as well get up and hope I end up so exhausted I sleep later 😭

Feeling quite emotional this evening, but not as I had expected in a bad way. Reflecting on the year I've had and the remarkable changes along the way, and there's one person I have to give a special shout-out to, which I hope doesn't embarrass her.

I received some wonderful presents from the amazing @mrstales.bsky.social for Xmas, but this one in particular brought a very big smile to my face.

For those still using the Julian calendar, Merry Newtonmas!

Merry Christmas Everyone 💝

Decided to give Tesco another go to see if they had stock in, success. Have decided the diet can go out the window for a couple of days, but will have to make up for it afterwards. Got given a shirt as an early Xmas present which is a little snug, and want to be able to wear it ASAP as I love it.

Jebus, Amazon are a pain. I created a new account yesterday, I've only ordered two things, one from someone's wishlist and a SAD lamp for myself. The second order has been cancelled because of a "suspicious" pattern of ordering and I've been forced to go through an appeal process 🙄

Decided to take my own advice and took Benny for a walk this afternoon. This woodland is only about 5 minutes walk from my flat but this is only the second time I've been there. It's quite wild, which makes it feel like your deep in the countryside, not the outskirts of Reading.

Mind blown that Ingrid Pitt wrote an unproduced script for Doctor Who.