People tell me to choose better and expect better, but when I do and they don't meet the criteria, they get mad at me instead of rising to the occasion.

This year is so fucked up that every time I see a celebrity name in a headline my first thought is "oh no, did they die?"

Is there anything better than canceling plans and becoming a blanket burrito on the couch? 🥰

Right foot let's stomp! Left foot let's stomp! Freeze! Everybody clap your cheeks!

A cigarette may take 10 minutes off someone's life, but a work day takes 8 hours

I saw a can of air freshener labeled "country fresh." Girlypop, if you're going to the country, fresh ain't what you're gonna smell

This sweet boy 🥹 I love him so much, I can't even 😭

The book store is way too peopley right now

I miss the old adult swim shows

Omelet face mask! :D

A retail store/restaurant but it's like planet fitness, but instead of a lunk alarm there's a Karen alarm and footage gets uploaded to the company's website for the public to watch.

"It's called a manic episode, and you're getting three more seasons!"

What if an asteroid hit the earth in 2032 and I had a cotton stick in my princess hole?

Vanilla cake but instead of frosting it's drywall mud

Therapy Made Me Worse So I Started Writing Fanfic

Nothing like ending the year on a "positive" note

*slowly puts my hand out for my new followers to sniff before I pet them*

Enemies to... well they fuck?

this is not my beautiful strife

can you come over and give me something to cry about

Controversial opinion: The Barbie movie is Mattel's too little too late response to the Disney movie Life-Size

The internet likes cat photos, right? This is my boy, Ronald Fleasley. He is blind in his right eye, has PTSD, and has feline AIDS. Worship your feline overlord