am currently making the comcast tech insane by calmly demonstrating the problem is actually on their network hops outside my house

the thing i find most fascinating about this, from a zoologist’s perspective, is that larger scrota in species correlate highly to sperm competition—that is, to use a manisphere fear, cuckoldry. small scrota correlate with assured paternity. big balls are for insecure males. can’t see gorilla balls!

having a mother’s day in which i am briefly airing out my incisions/covering just the drain holes and marveling at how somehow the surgeon made sure i could still have underboob sweats by retaining that particular swath of skin

my tiny baby has gone to PROM

just took like an hour to make one (1) modest boutonnière for tonight’s prom and i continue to have utmost respect for the unsung heroes of Making Everyday Beauty like florists, hairdressers, textliéres, and more

last day of high school

i need to put lotion on my post-op husk but there is such a patchwork of sensation and numbness that i don’t like it AT ALL

severe case of shedface, starting a fundraiser

waiting …waiting! waiting for the world to change (for the AP Eng Lit test to end so i may collect my bebé)

except today it’s up so idk when to fill

service tech in 2026 refusing a mask bc of “pretty bad asthma”? lol, i’ll see you bad asthma and raise you cancer, you fking putz

okay who wants all my old clothing that no longer makes any sense now that i’m shaped like a toilet plunger instead of venus of willendorf

so there’s people who never shrank their rib cage back and pulled their pelvis forward in a desperate attempt to be taken seriously instead of as a moderate-to-large rack with a woman attached? and it’s possible to live that way again? i’m doing theater games to learn a new walk cycle for myself rn

mango mastectomy

summoning my jumpsuit experts: where can i try one on, nordstrom? talbots? my torso got shorter and i think i could swing it now

triscuits stay hitting

this:

baby futzing with their freshly altered vintage tux for prom(!) in a week is A Big Mood

working out my new body mechanics is hilariously gender youtu.be/gMdjjOxhmo0

big therapy breakthrough day,,, pt: practicing sitting up straight with shoulders back, torso wiggling ot: making lunch including reaching for things and repetitive motions; putting on a t-shirt

i’m like a poe character except what’s haunting me is the itching from every part that was touching plastic for nine days post op

drains out! drains out!

slipping a large frozen gel pack into my bandages (ice chest!) and singing “one day more” but all the lyrics are about seeing the doctor tomorrow for drain removal

so weird to feel guilty about getting cancer and surgery in a big hurry thereafter while my one wild and precious kid has to wait months yet for just their consult, let alone their actual, much-desired, nearly identical surgery (hopefully theirs is significantly cuter)

@slowseptember.bsky.social Happy birthday!

life in an ethology household: teenager smacks lips lightly and finger-combs my hair (which i cannot fully control right now); i say “thank you for allogrooming me 🥰”; they’re like, “yeah 😍”

easy to turn on hard to clean useless half the year

taking a tapioca pudding cup and muttering “i’m an adult and no one’s going to stop me”

my cancer surgeon is unsettlingly gorgeous

surgical pathology results: good

ideal male body, etc. etc.

it’s me

i’d restart the incredible art studio that my parents sent me to for years, where it was basically a bunch of stations with many different media combined with an absolute haul of perplexing junked manufactured items that could be integrated into the art; would be a teens’ third place, & free for all

really ready to be done with the nauseating sucking feeling from the chest drains when i empty the tubes and bulbs, seriously expecting bones to come through next time i clear them

received bamboo backscratchers in the mail today and realized my college-bound child had NEVER SEEN ONE IN THEIR LIFE idk why that was so strange, to do a tutorial on using backscratchers or, what my child thought they were, weird long forks

honing my claw game skills by using the flimsy grabber tool to snag a travel coffee cup and instant coffee sachets

it’s Heather Burns Day, let’s hear it for heather

got permission to swap out the ace bandage for a binder and omg, it’s infinitely more comfortable, whew

a shayne punim

i could cope better with two sleeps if they weren’t separated by seven hours

very carefully sitting in the one position that hurts least

just heard Mr Snuggins awaken so this isn’t all bad

gripping my special underarm pillows with increasing urgency as i keep falling to sleep this morning (counts as exercise)

my spouse, who thinks he’s neurotypical, made a cup of tea two hours ago, set it on the living room coffee table, and then went upstairs, never to be seen again i think that was the entire ADHD test right there and he’s got it

girls can’t get enough of slipping ice packs into their bandages

freshly showered, jewelry removed, overnight bag packed as a talisman to help me come home tonight: pre-op checklist has been checked. Mr Snuggins has been watered and cuddled. nothing left but the ordeal now, please send “get all the evil out” good luck thoughts in accordance with your beliefs 💖

‘night kids, let’s hope for good sleep, tomorrow’s a big day for me

in the spirit of 4/20 i just ate fluffernutter open faced graham cracker sandwiches, look at me i’m assimilated

experiencing a Leg Situation

absolutely, completely blanking on Things I Should Do tomorrow, the day before surgery