Hang on… if Fash and Fasher are getting a divorce; who gets custody of JD Vance?

#ShakespeareOfTheDay “I would the college of the cardinals Would choose him pope, and carry him to Rome, And set the triple crown upon his head: That were a state fit for his holiness” [Henry VI 2 - 1:3]

Think Steve next door has just elected himself the new pope.

When you’re giving a Mayoral speech at 6am, but appearing as a Quality Street at 7am.

#ShakespeareOfTheDay “Faith, there hath been many great men that have flattered the people who ne'er loved them” [Coriolanus - 2:2]

Autonomy cannot come soon enough 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

Good God, England. Use your brains, engage your hearts and show some bloody self-respect before it’s too late.

Ffs. I thought BlueSky was free of total wallopers. But turns out the block button is still useful over here.

So. The unthinkable happened today. That thing that you always assume only happens to others. A woman on a flight asked me to switch seats so she could sit next to her travelling companion. And I said no. No justification. No apology. Just ‘no thanks’. Not rude. Just firm. Growth.

Keep expecting him to process a ‘nul points’ for Norway and then hand over presenting duties to Katie Boyle in some 1980s-Eurovision-inspired fever dream.

You know who doesn’t cost the tax payer too much? Disabled people. You know who does cost the taxpayer too much. The rich. Not the comfortable. The rich. The uber rich. Tax the fūckers. Properly.

Have just realised that Russell Kane and Nick Grimshaw are two different people.

With no disrespect intended to the wonderful people who donate time, effort and energy to such campaigns: but these #ComicRelief type telethons have had their day. Little discernible entertainment value; and an awkward relationship with the increasingly vacuous and disproportionately well-off hosts.

Note to self: when someone asks you to guess their age… always take off fifteen years… not five.

Trump talking about protecting high IQ people: priceless.

In every great band, there comes a time when a forward-thinking creative goes solo. When Geri left the Spice Girls. When Robbie left Take That. But this one really hurts. How will Reform cope without the unique vocal stylings of Rupert ‘No-one lower’ Lowe?

Turns out that millionaire crybaby #AlexanderArmstrongIsPointless

Tax. The. Rich. Not the comfortable. Not the doing okay. Not the getting by. Not the just about managing. The filthy, minted, rolling-in-it, gold-plated, copper-bottomed rich: rich. For all their blather, they won’t leave the country. And they’d be no loss to us if they did.

The #PrinceOfWales www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

#JDVance hogs the middle lane of a motorway

#JDVance squeezes toothpaste from the top of the tube.

#JDVance always parks across two spaces

#JDVance puts the empty wrappers back in the Quality Street tin.

Think I’m going to become one of those airheads who doesn’t do news, doesn’t understand politics, and spends all their online time posting pictures of inane messages such as “Live Laugh Love”. For the first time in my life, I can really see the appeal of being wilfully ignorant about the world.

If there’s a food more immediately cheerful and comforting than a plateful of baked beans, I’ve yet to find it.

BREAKING: History GCSE question leaked - “How fascist does an administration have to be to lose the Daily Mail? Discuss” #SmashTheFash

The only Prince of Wales I recognise 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

“But have you ever said ‘thank you’ once, kid? Have you?”

#ShakespeareOfTheDay “It is a tale Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing” [Macbeth - 5:5]

Remember goodness and what it looks like. Remember decency and what it sounds like. Remember compassion and what it feels like. Remember respect, generosity, inclusion, and empathy… they may be scant in coming years. And we need our children to know the taste of kindness.

It’s times like this we’re all so grateful that the U.K. is an integral part of an inclusive European alliance 🇪🇺 Wait…. what?

Those videos of the golden showers in the Moscow Travelodge must be pretty something, huh?

For everyone feeling hopeless tonight: we are not alone. We are many. “Those who feel the breath of sadness Sit down next to me Those who find the're touched by madness Sit down next to me Those who find themselves ridiculous Sit down next to me In love, in fear, in hate, in tears...”

I’m old enough to remember when the biggest televisual upset was watching Martin Fowler die in front of our very eyes. Things have moved on since then. And today: it was the illusion that America was the leader of the free world that dissolved.

The only Donald we ever needed.

#ShakespeareOfTheDay “What wilt thou do, old man? Think'st thou that duty shall have dread to speak, When power to flattery bows? To plainness honour's bound, When majesty stoops to folly. Reverse thy doom; And, in thy best consideration, cheque This hideous rashness” [King Lear - 1:1]

I turned off the car radio for the first time ever during. news programme today. Couldn’t listen to that aberration of a human and his silly ventriloquist dummy bully and bluster any more. So bored of watching our world swirl down the plughole.

Fuck you, America

Do you remember those days when we laughed at George Dubya and rolled our eyes that America could be dense enough to elect him? (Sighs) Happy days.

Looks as though we should all be congratulating Germany’s history teachers about now.

Been a crazy busy week: researching my next play; zapping up to Huddersfield for some masterclasses; reviewing the latest from @thattimwalker.bsky.social (5*) and the RSC (3*); enjoying some bonkers Shakespeare consultancy; and mourning #MartinFowler. And now: relax…

Are we allowed to call them Nazis yet?

I miss those days when television #BAFTAS were handed out with the films BAFTAS. And you’d see some Hollywood giant such as James Stewart gamely applauding as some Blankety Blank reject won a statuette for most comedic moment in a gunge tank.

Celia Imrie is absolutely correct. ‘The Fallen Idol’ is a devastatingly good piece of cinema: and well worth a watch if you’ve never seen it. #BAFTAS

If you’re watching the #BAFTAS and shouted ‘It’s Simon from Trevor and Simon!” then we can be friends and swing our pants together.

#ShakespeareOfTheDay “That one might read the book of fate And see the revolution of the times” [Henry IV Part 2 - 3:1]

As should be compulsory for someone named after one of his most famous films, I am a sucker for anything pertaining to Laurence Olivier. I loved ‘When Maggie met Larry’ on R4 this afternoon; and chatted to playwright @thattimwalker.bsky.social about the relationship between theatre and politics.

So looking forward to catching this on #Radio4 today. I loved writer @thattimwalker.bsky.social’s Bloody Difficult Women in Edinburgh 22; and have high hopes for a piece which focuses on the relationship between politics and theatre: with Olivier’s own protege Derek Jacobi as the great man himself.

Men: be better.

Any nice #Canadian progressive types out there? Would love to amplify anything coming out of this wonderful, autonomous country. 🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦