Biting into a juicy olive and washing it down with a swig of my ice cold martini

Pedro Pascal is casually living his gay ass life with no concern around formally coming out and I love that for him

Now I have to listen to the album because that shit was legitimately good

This would go triple platinum in the unfortunately unlikely chance that it happens this month

Between NYC and Illinois, it's comforting to see local and state governments are still capable of doing things that regular people have been demanding

Princess of Blussia

Thinking about when I used to date a guy who observed Ramadan and we couldn't have sex the entire time. I'd come over to masturbate in his bed, putting on a dramatic show, then kiss him on the cheek and go home. It feels lowkey intolerant in retrospect

I dreamed that I was hooking up with that Michigan gay who's running for Congress. There's something I find so charming about a warm smile and a hairline that's on the run

I start barking when I see a man with my exact body type, but I look in the mirror like "you really need to get your shit together" 😭

I had a dream the other night where I died and I had to continue watching life go on without me, and I found it so fucking annoying lol

It bothers me whenever a car chase scene in a movie doesn't match the engine noises to the vehicle. Don't fucking play with me, I can tell the difference between a Coyote, Hemi, or LS from a mile away.

Idk if I would call it a "good" relationship, but I talk to my father weekly

I get annoyed with my hair as if I'm not the one frying tf out of my curl pattern to dye it a different color every few weeks

I hate that waterbeds disappeared before I got the chance to experience sex on one 😒

If you’re here from X The Everything App, we’re glad you’re here. Post a selfie or something and stick around. But you don’t have to caption it “wow I forgot about this place lol”

A coworker sent a meeting notice today for a simple touchpoint at 6:30 am tomorrow. People seriously should be reprimanded for behaving like this.

What the hell, sure.

Today would be a great day for him to die

Hudson Williams hard launching his girlfriend to the general public, and Robbie GK reconfirming that he's straight at the same time. Did they have some kind of clause in the contract that just expired or something 😂

Does anyone have word on the Valentine's gays eating pasta? We're all waiting

Ariana what are you doing here?

People say that they fall deeper in love with their partners each day, but that is not true for me. Sometimes he loads the dishwasher wrong and it sets me back at least 2 business days.

The same Tide Pods that I normally buy look slightly different. I wonder what cost-cutting bullshit they implemented

3 of the 4 places I lived would have had a stop within easy walking distance 🥲

Why are there so many fake photos of celebrities as if there aren't thousands of real photos available to enjoy? Generating & posting AI photos of real people should be subjected to libel laws.

Ate a donut that was nasty and I feel like I should be able to get a refund on the calories

I've gotten in the car 3 times in a row with the same song playing on the radio. I can't tell if that's a good or bad omen

One of the cool things about working at the same place for all this time is that I see people who I used to look up to and find their careers aspirational, and now we're in the same rooms as peers

I couldn't find the adapter to plug in a Tesla, so I left until another station opened up. A charge fairy must have emerged because I came back and the car was plugged in with an adapter?

I have to be in the office this week, but I found that they turned my desk into a coffee & tea bar for the team 🥴

I had buyers remorse from a shirt that I drunkenly ordered, but it ended up being so nice that I don't want to return it anymore

I miss the days when the biggest Superbowl commercials were for beer and car companies. It's so depressing that it's now crypto, gambling, AI, and surveillance

Bad Bunny saying "God bless America" and naming each country on the continent(s) 🔥

It's reciprocated from the way that Bad Bunny embraces Black Latino culture

Unfortunately it's not my- *signal dropped*

Making the most of my time in New York

I had 3 different guys ask to party within 15 minutes of opening the app. Are the NYC gays ok? 😭

Of course the White House's attempt at damage control is to claim that random staffers have access to make unauthorized public statements as the President of the United States

That glance at the camera is pure comedy

"Nobody is talking about this" There are plenty of people talking about it. You can simply add your voice to the conversation without trying to paint yourself as morally superior.

No shade to that old lady, but I'm seeing way more coverage on this kidnapping than I'm seeing about the most powerful people in this country having formal evidence of involvement with pedophilia and murder

A friend hit the group chat to vent about being tired of spending so much money on everything nowadays. A [wealthier] friend replied, "oh no! Why the financial crunch?" Sweetie, I know you're genuinely asking if he's facing some kind of specific hardship, but read the fucking room 😭

Seeing people I like join the latest trend of making an AI cartoon of yourself

My boss asked me to estimate some data as a ballpark placeholder until we get the real numbers. My guesses ended up being spot-on. I joked that I was feeling a bit psychic, and my boss deadpan said "no, you're really fucking good at your job." Hell yea, thanks for not allowing me to downplay myself.

Your point is valid, but we also need to address this niggification of Ryan Gosling 😭

I hate that streaming/on-demand programming has eliminated theme songs

Never fails to make me snort