Some dude in the late 18th Century calling up his friends like “Yo, for Christmas my wife wants a Flashmob and a shit ton of birds… help” And one friend is like “Can’t you just buy her jewelry?” “If only that was enough 🤡”

What up? Yesterday’s Lazy Saturday and this Hyper-Productive Sunday are sponsored separately by Depression and Anxiety. Remember to take your meds champs! 🤟🏽

Always a banger

Post tiddy pump.

Hear me out… specifically with Tim Curry’s voice, like that’s the most important part

There’s a VIP section in my second hole. DM me to RSVP 🤪

I know I have problems but Ben Barnes is just so hot, especially as the Darkling in Shadow and Bone

Got a haircut but my powers shan’t be restored until the Sun graces this land with heat again.

Started listening to Shadow and Bone via audiobook and I’m still pissed Netflix cancelled the series 🥺😡

I wish people would stop kidding themselves. Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr have such undeniable homoerotic chemistry, X-Men is really just a super messy love story.

Another great day to be from the place that the Falcons constantly disrespect

So needy for a hot blooded man at my back who wants to claim my hole like it’s a prize to be won

One of the downsides of working in a creative industry is going online and seeing that you can’t afford the thing you helped create 🙄

I wish I could go back and play Mass Effect again for the first time

🤟🏽🫰🏽🥰

Gonna ask my psych to let me switch SSRI’s this week so I’m preparing for my libido to be gone for the rest of the month 🤪

Happy “Just cleared out my bank account to pay rent” December 1st everyone!

How may I service you today, sir?

I wonder if any studios are considering adapting the Animorphs series into a TV show again

😬😬😬😬 I really don’t mean to sound this ungrateful. But gents what’s the point of posting cum videos with no sound whatsoever?

I purposefully don’t have a TV or any video games in my bedroom so it forces me not to stay in bed all day and leave my room. However on a day like today where I have no desire to leave the warmth of my bed, I am slightly regretting the boundary I set 😭

Rainy horny Sunday morning 🙌🏽

I love waking up from a nap where I have no idea who I am, where I am, and what day it is.

AYOOOOOO

Is there a Black Friday sale on daddies? It’s the one thing I’m missing in this life and I’d like someone to fill that void. …and my void.

Wow, I am so attracted to Hank Green. I know he’s married but the heart wants what the hole wants 🤷🏽‍♂️

Finally gonna start playing Dragon’s Dogma II after buying it well over a year ago. 😅

The gummy has kicked in yall

Apparently l have the worst timing when it comes to shooting my shot so I give up. I won’t make the first move anymore. If fact I just won’t move at all. I’m single, laying on the floor, ready to go to a good home. Just pick me up (shoot your shot).

I am so fucking feral this morning 🥵🥵🥵

i've heard it said that daddies cum into our holes for a reason

Successfully made it through the work day without crashing or crashing out on anyone with the little sleep I got last night. I deserve a treat.

I have triumphed as of 10 minutes ago. Everything has been turned in. And now I crash because I have a doctor’s appointment I need to be up for at 7. 🤪🫠🫩🙃🤣🥹🥺🥱😴

Idk a mouthful

High AF and I need a break from my work. AMA ngl.link/losethehjon

As I sit here on my floor sweaty and wishing my back was being blown out, I have to remind myself that my grades are not a reflection of who I am as a person nor of my character. Because I’m on the edge of burnout and I have two major projects due before midnight. Activate bare minimum mode. ✌🏽

🎶And I don’t want the world to see me Cause I don’t think that they’d understand When everything’s made to be broken I just want you to know who I ahhhm”🎶

Kinda think that Jonah Wheeler looks like the porn version of Hank Green and that makes both of them so much hotter.

Massively craving a verbal daddy tonight 🥺👉🏽👈🏽

Okay so For Good was such beautiful sweet pain. Now it’s dinner, a gummy, and the Mighty Nein until it kicks in and I can truly appreciate this FCF.

Look I know it’s the same angles every time but I’m a creature of habit. Gotta sweat it out before I cry it out during For Good. ✌🏽

I would totally pay someone to finish this week on my behalf. Warning, I’m dealing with EOY stuff at work, it’s finals week, I haven’t gone grocery shopping or done laundry, and my sleep schedule is fucked from the stress. Anyway, sweaty tits and such

Like The Sandlot. Come on yall. We’ll never have that again 😭

Very 90’s baby of me but the 90’s are unbeaten in my opinion of decades I’ve been alive 😂

Today’s workout sponsored by EVERYONE’S A STAR by 5SOS because it’s all I’m listening to right now.

It should probably stay off the skyline today. Y’all might make me explode. Jfc you’re all way too hot for my wellbeing. 🥵🥵

“What’s this? A ranger caught off his guard?” And then we bang missionary in the Athelas because them Hobbits need to learn how to deal with their own problems.

Working hard 🫩 But not hard in the fun way.

I don’t even like football and I’m about to crash out over the Falcons 😡

Need a hairy beefy man on top of me stat