This Biracial bird means everything to me

Just sneezed so hard I felt my back crack. this is the dream

Sometimes u just need to poop and calm down

Very few times that I’ve been zooted to the point I can’t read simple sentences and 2/3 of those times “tate mcrae” was at the scene of the crime. Something about her name just absolutely demolishes my sense of syntax. literacy obliterater

Why are you as a man featuring another man

Tbd…. The bampire diaries…

Taking an edible and pressing start Erin Brockovich after midnight

I probably was an ant in my past life

Y’all, Trump signed a new executive order. It says that everyone who listens to videos in public without using headphones has to pay me one billion dollars and they get shot in the leg. I think this type of leadership is really admirable and courageous

im CTFUUUUU thinking ab the rpf tag on ao3. If I was a celebrity and people were writing smutty fanfics about me describing my body saying shit like “her thin lips” or “her large thighs” no I’d kill my self OMGGGGG OMG

BENNY WEIR SAVE ME BENNY WEIR

French people use the same yakub as everyone else

Dominic fike looks like every single man that works at the Denver airport

DEVIN CRAIG HAS SPOKEN TO ME TELEPATHICALLY

Michael provost has spoken to me telepathically

Just wrote Lohn Jegend into Spotify search

Having violent thoughts

3OH!3 I have received your telepathic message and will proceed with the plan

I love to tell people that disagree with me that they’re going to hell

Why did they make this

Having a romantic candlelight dinner with Rob from Math Antics

holy shit. I’m a fucking bitch aren’t I

I just think if a rich person got to know me. They’d want to give me money

can’t believe every night Kylie Jenner plays travel town

You have no idea the kind of demented hatery that I am capable of. I follow a tik tok baker just because her stupid voice gives me genuine shivers of rage. The way she holds things pisses me the fuck off. Her vocal fried white girl baby voice is my HateSMR

“I can’t in good faith encourage that behavior but I want it to continue” - katlin telling me about this post

Wait That was my bad Yall. I was trying to button my shirt over my giant knockers earlier and popped a button it must have shot further than I thought

I only want sympathy in the form of you crawling into bed with me… yeah… yeah they was in the studio

getting so wine drunk I start playin beatstar

girls be named ally all the while a seriously dark and sinister individual

they call it USB because yoU Splug it Bin

Wasn’t gonna smoke tn but my frontal lobe closing like a mf

Why does everything cost money I’m this close to losing it. does a mysterious benefactor want to give me 400 dollars please

Im baffling

saw a frat boy harry styles edit and started barking my bad

Yeah they’re taking me out back tomorrow. Mhm they’re putting me out of my misery. Yeah I’m gonna go live on a farm with other older dogs too. Yeah

Got the kind of stoned yesterday that made me forget how to say “our father who art in heaven” I was sitting there like man….our farder who tharder harder

Taking every consonant from your memory before I let you read one of my tweets. e u e i

Hope the person that invented righty tighty lefty loosey knew that they were more innovative than Steve Jobs or whoever figured out how to weave a basket for the first time

In a long distance relationship (he is still over on twitter)

Sometimes a turkey sandwich just has a little bit of adderall in it

oomftik (oomf that I kiss)

Oomf got three animals in his house that look like this

no i am not going to buy a seafood boil off tiktok shop are u crazy

Need to eat out this white chocolate Lindt truffle in a room where there are no others

Everyone always says oh it’s so sad that taylor lautner is so jobless... Oh hah Taylor lautner refuses to get booked….people Let’s look at his resume and do some thitical crinking

You’re telling me that I have to charge my phone for the rest of my life