My sister got me Donkey Kong Bananza for my birthday and I did not expect to immediately lose three straight hours to the giddy thrill of smashing the absolute shit out of everything.

I AM ENBIRTHELED AGAIN

AT LAST

Learning that Sakaguchi's mother died by burning alive really recontextualizes the Sephiroth imagery in VII in an absolutely horrifying way

ushered in the new year at the strip club

WHAT DO RACEHORSES EVEN PISS LIKE?!

I SUCKED SHIT AT MY FIRST LIBRARY JOB AND I WAS MISERABLE EVERY SINGLE DAY AND THE DOUBLE SOLUTION WAS BOTH FOR ME TO GROW AS A PERSON BUT ALSO TO FIND AN ENVIRONMENT THAT WAS A BETTER FIT FOR ME THE EQUATION FOR YOUR HAPPINESS AND PRIDE IS MULTIFACETED DO YOUR BEST TO BE MINDFUL OF THAT

I feel like the consensus is that Octopath's HD-2D style is not especially great and that does my heart a sadness 'cause maybe it's just Stockholm Syndrome (which isn't actually a real thing) but after a few hundred hours basking in these games I adore the aesthetic and hope they keep refining it!

I LOVE THE SHIT OUT OF MY WIFE AND MYSELF AND WE'RE FAT AS FUCK DON'T MAKE ANY FUCKING BONES ABOUT IT AND TELL FOLKS WHO DON'T UNDERSTAND TO GET WITH THE PROGRAM OR FUCK OFF

2025 SHOWED US AN AMERICAN WORLD WHERE ALL THAT MATTERED WAS VALUE AND WORTH AND EVERYONE AGREES THAT SHIT FUCKING SUCKED TAKE THE ENERGY YOU WERE GONNA SPEND SHIT TALKING YOURSELF AND START SHIT TALKING THE MOTHERFUCKERS WREAKING HAVOC ON THE WORLD SAY FUCK 'EM AND GIVE YOURSELF A BIG FUCK YEAH

Like for fucking real you shouldn't be pissed off and grumpy all the time but Aristotle himself was like you gotta have some baseline anger in order to be properly virtuously balanced because otherwise you're permitting yourself to be a doormat and be diminished for tranquility and fuck that

My wife made a spritzer to celebrate the New Years and I legitimately forgot how much of a lightweight I am because all it took was a single glass to get me completely off my tits and I wanna tell you that you should be angry and indignant way more often because you deserve better like fucking hell

It's been over a month and I'm still fucking blown away by just how transformed the Dragon Quest II HD-2D Remake was. Taking an utterly nondescript party and rote story and adding so much depth and color to their portrayal, to such a degree that it rocketed up to the top of my DQ tier list.

Shout out to the customer tonight who came right up to the counter and unflinchingly said he needed a “big wide fatty”

2025 CAN CHOKE TO DEATH ON MY FAT FUCKING ASS 2026 HAS GOTTA BE THE YEAR

WHY WOULD KUJA GIVE VIVI A DICK?! IT'S LIKE GIVING A ROCKET LAUNCHER A DICK

I haven't played Final Fantasy IX since it first came out was there actually a scene where Zidane and Vivi whip their dicks out and piss together or am I being fucked with?!

ANOTHER TALE IS PENNED A STORY OF A ROYAL COMING TO EMBRACE HIS OWN GLUTTONY AND THE WILY ENCOURAGER WHO HELPS HIM ALONG HIS PORTLY PATH FOR @wesleygluttmon.bsky.social

Why the fuck do I suddenly have the urge to play I Am Setsuna

I can't believe the new millennium is only a day and a half away

Super Mario Bros. Wonder is a Soulslike

Super Mario Bros. Wonder's obligatory final fuck-you level did have me screaming and swearing but as someone who's managed every single one of them dating back to Super Mario World it's at best in the middle for difficulty. Definitely no Champion's Road or Perfect Run, fuck those levels.

A scant few days after I received it, Super Mario Bros. Wonder is done and dusted! It's a zippy little title but its presentation is absolutely top-notch - there's so much charm and delight to be found in all the lively, colorful animations, to say nothing of the Wonder Effects. (1/2)

Nintendo explain yourself

Someone at Nintendo realized how important it was to have Elephant Mario struggling to squeeze his fat fucking ass through doors and pipes and that person needs to direct the next Mario game

I'm gonna be real Kirby Super Star is the only Kirby game I've ever played but Meta Knight's Revenge fucking rips. It makes me want to beat the shit out of everyone EVEN MORE THAN USUAL. www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdWc...

Icelandic Superchub Fjork

WHY IS THERE A BADGE THAT MAKES YOU FUCKING INVISIBLE?!

Canonically the most recent information we have on Emil is that he's been conscripted to the gacha mines of NieR: Re[in]carnation and forced to toil for an exploitative master and damn if that wasn't just a really on-the-nose analogy for Yoko Taro's ultimate fate after Automata

LIT(ERATURE) BAYBEE

Come dry me off I'll give ya a couple arms of belly deal?

I have melted a giant brick of Velveeta down and added a can of spicy rotel. I have a large festive Sprite next to me and lime-tinted chips by my side. Nature is healing.

Mario Wonder is so much fun. I wish Italians were real.

CLIMB TO THE BEAT WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

How the fuck is Sephiroth's hair so pretty Motherfucker lives in a cave at the edge of the world There is no shampoo His hair should look like a giant tangle of shit and piss

DAPH AMONGST MONSTERS

Why the fuck was the title theme so creepy I love this shit

Anubis ZOE is fucking sick and hot

I finally got Super Mario Bros. Wonder for Christmas and man Mario just feels so satisfying to control. I just love puppeteering this whimsical little Italian around. I want to make out with the elephant forms of the entire cast.

FUCK YEAH

SNOOZY GORLS

My family watched Blazing Saddles together before I went back home and when we got to the part where Taggart calls his crew a bunch of Kansas City Faggots literally everyone in the room turned to stare at me

Final Fantasy XVII should have an optional funky cave with a fucked-up thing at the end and beating that thing gets you a sickass sword and summon and I feel like if they can do this they can also make the rest of the game pretty solid as well

I AM HOME AT LAST

AT LAST

STUFFED LIKE A CHRISTMAS GOOSE

Another year where I am once again banned from saying grace for Christmas dinner

MERRY CHRISTMAS

I got my brother-in-law The Quiet Man game for Christmas and I really cannot oversell just how much of an unholy train wreck it is and how much fun we're all going to have with it

There is perhaps an unwise quantity of champagne and Olive Garden coursing through me right now