Didn’t get any fall desserts at the grocery store today like a fucking idiot and now that it’s officially snack o’clock in my home it looks like I have to kill myself

I need to get two more Halloween events on the calendar because right now both Halloween parties I have planned are vampire themed (year of the vampyre baby) but I have two really good non vampire costume ideas!

A few years ago I started throwing a little sipping chocolate in the night beverage rotation and here’s what I’ll say: why is a hot chocolate a full meal. Why do I get soup belly from a hot chocolate. Why am I so stuffed right now couldn’t possibly eat another bite.

At a real low point in life right now and I just said (out loud) (about marble run race video accounts) “yeah I don’t really like this one, there’s too many funnels, it makes it too luck based so there’s no skill and no finesse”

3 bites of post dessert soup eating straight out of the pot still on the stove hits so much harder than that same soup served for dinner. I can’t explain it.

It seems that while did not personally make the cut today, my outdoor thermometer did in fact get raptured (into hell)

I swear to god if my cats get raptured today while I’m at work

Drinking my coffee this morning while watching two of my neighbors bond outside after one of their motorcycles stopped working.

The perfect curls of Friday night seeing me eyeing the small elastics for braids as I start to pack my hiking bad for Saturday morning

Bruised the roof of my mouth eating a sandwich that’s too gd big

Calling in scared to work

Mmmm this is my favorite drink I drink it every morning it tastes super bitter and makes me almost shit my pants every day and gives me stomach cramps and also makes me super anxious if I drink too much

Looooooove sleeping in my contacts!! Honestly addicted to sleeping in my contacts!!

My favorite thing about trying to use pinterest lately is I’ll be like okay what can I do to make my foyer nicer and every single result is like 25 Amazon Buys For Under $50, 62 Bougie Amazon Buys, 15 Things To Get At Amazon Dot Com

I love having a cat because I’ll be like okay wow I’m about to have an extended episode in the bathroom and my cat is like okay cool and I’ll be there too 🙂

They’re calling me Joe Biden because of all the ice cream I’ve been eating

The old men who hang out at the Peet’s Coffee I frequent fucking love my car, so every now and then if I’m having a bad day I’ll go get a coffee just to have them hype up my car lol

My favorite thing about the latte I’m drinking right now is that it tastes exactly like a stroopwafel (something I didn’t ask for or want) but my second favorite thing is that the final third of it has been so full of cinnamon that I’m chewing

Oh mysterious tension headache I’ve had since 9am we’re really in it now

DO NOT SHOW ME THE INSIDE OF A KANGAROO POUCH! That’s none of my business!!

I have once again purchased trade joes lemon bars. God is so good and life is so beautiful.

Fuck yeah queen, slay!! Haha! I need you out of my life, diva!!!

Boss taking PTO starting Wednesday to “take her son to college”… I know what’s really happening here 😒

Listen, you can be a hater and you actually should be a hater… but you should also be a lover and a sweetie.

Coming out as an artist.

Frothing at the mouth waiting for the Trader Joe’s cashier to comment on the potted plant I’m buying so I can tell them the whole backstory

Putting on my cuntiest earrings just to try to get through the day but it all falls apart the moment I hear the teams notification sound

I am contemplating cats in ways some of you couldn’t even consider humans.

I fear I’m about to go to Instagram jail again because I once again made a post saying “I’ll fucking kill you” 😪

I’m sorry but saying you’re so relieved every time it rains in Portland is so performative lmao. You get half the year rain, don’t be a PNW pick me. “I feel alive now that it’s finally raining” attention seeking fr

I’m something of a cloth mother myself

Okay now this is just insulting

Obviously full bush summer is absurd because something so beautiful should not be so fleeting but to last only a season. But also some of these bitches I see posting about it do NOT have full bush energy.

Hit a new low today when I started to put “vanilla ice cream for cats” on my grocery list

Everyone’s a goth until you play actual goth music.

My boss: you have 5? Me: *well this is it Marlena, she’s finally going to tell you not only are you fired but she thinks you should kill yourself* sure! My boss hopping on the call: Happy Thursday 😀

Just got off a call with my boss! Turns out I’m not in big trouble and nobody is mad at me! It was just normal business!! Who could have predicted this!!

This episode is about me and Otto, if you even care…

Committing seppuku after someone said “have a good vacation” and I accidentally said “you too”

Pulling up a feature length film on my iPhone and saying “hey do you wanna come watch this video real quick?”

Just googled “clothes that I own” while packing for a trip

Taking a two week tolerance break from gel polish

Please pray for me, I just saw a hot woman with black hair (I want to dye my hair black now)

Every time I try to make a playlist Spotify is like “what if the cast of Stranger Things was on this playlist”

Idk why but I feel so sad about the pope being sick :((( he’s just a little old man with a hobby

“I don’t want to go I just want to be invited” okay but the thing is I’m not inviting you lol if you don’t want to go then you aren’t invited.

Ever since I was a child I’ve known that I would be an adult that took an inordinate amount of time rubbing in various creams and things and taking weird little vitamins while getting ready for bed.

reading the wikipedia plot summary of the movie on tv instead of watching the movie