Woke up on the wrong side of the matrix this morning 🙂

What’s in the way is the way

Right? Right?!

Drop and gimme 20…kisses

Spend your coin at Michael's or literally anywhere else.

I’ve been hearing a lot lately (by two clown associates) that I (yes, me!) look (yes, look!) and seem (yes, seem!) younger than I am. And you know what? Like a good little slut, I’ll take it.

Y’know, it doesn’t have to be a cuck chair… C’mere slut 🎨: @pichet.bsky.social

Happy hump day to all the dads out there 😈

Before they were blow jobs, they were:

These are the only kind of relationships I’m fostering these days. If we don’t have this then what are we even doing?

🌿

✨ must be tuesday

Made some fantastic cheesy soft scrambled eggs on sourdough toast for breakfast this morning and whist finishing my first piece of toast I noticed some mold on the crust. I pulled it off and just kept eating cuz the eggs were v good and I didn’t wanna waste them. Anyway, wish me luck 🙂‍↕️

Saw @thehennybear.bsky.social doing this move on his Bluesky and figured I’d give it a go. Harder than it looks 🥵

Good nite

My boyfriend just seconds after dozing off “wait, why was I just googling spaghetti on my phone?”

Daddy Issues ❌ Daddy Interests and Solutions ✅

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If you're looking to do some good this Mother's Day, may I suggest a donation to your city/town's local bail fund? Every person in custody is someone's child, and there are many mothers in custody away from their family.

Made out with a hot dad tonight who was a really good kisser

That thong.

I'm really so close to finishing this pair of socks before leaving for Portland. I'm gonna need to find a new project to take 🧶 #SCS

*chefs kiss with tongue* *pulls back and then spits in your mouth* Bon Appetit.

Holden Mullally 🍭

If you follow me and have an AI photo I will block you

If serious, I know a guy 👀

Hello 👋 Hi 👋 Good Morning 👋

*rattles tin cup* spare a hump?

we must break through. To the second hole.

Y’all mind if I get a little fruity with it?

Hot bakery manager greeted me with a handshake this morning and his hand was so dang soft. I’m imagining what it’d feel like to have him feed me croissants while massaging my back. I am totally normal 😌.

Taylor’s Version.

my artistic ass at the bar inserting myself into your queening out sesh with the dolls

"Put 'er there!" *holds my hand out at belly height* 🫴

Me as of late

Sue me, I want to be wanted.

Watched this last night and I laughed and I cried.

My balls are hairy again.

Devki skazhut ding dong!

Hey, guess what? If you and I have ever had sex then that now makes you a clown fucker 🫡

Like this photo if you agree to buy me more thongs 👀

Some of yalls captions are great improv set ups. We got all the ingredients to establish a base reality: The Who = Dad, Bro, Uncle, Coach The What = Strokin it crazy style. The Where = For some reason it’s always the kitchen.

pull at me a little deeper

Hey

One of these pairs of hips NEVER lies and one of these pairs of hips ALWAYS lies. You may only ask them one question ...

Challenge your assumptions playboy.

It’s a blue, bright blue, Saturday

b i l l

I stopped by Akbar last night to use the bathroom and it was like going through that one tunnel in the og willy wonka movie.