HAPPY WORLD OBAMA APPRECIATION DAY!

Dear Obsession movie, You suck so bad! Thanks a lot, Rotten Tomatoes for your bullshit 95%. 🍅 Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Locked and loaded.

Seriously? May 1st and it’s snowing rn. 😮‍💨

In case I forget in two days… Happy Easter!

Donald Trump just died. Good, I’m glad he’s dead. He can no longer hurt innocent people. Casserole the Great. (Can’t wait to post this on all platforms when the Big Beautiful Announcement happens.)

Every time I see Mark Wayne (Mar’Quain) Mullin, I think of: “What wuz we ranked” in education? Which then brings me to this little gem: We thought… You wuz… A toooad.

The “bird-legged ho” is out, and now we’ll have Markwayne “what was we ranked in education” Mullin. F*ck

What is that? 1. Chancres from syphilis? 2. Yeast infection from neck vagina? 3. Hickey from Steve Bannon? Any guesses?

Is it dead yet?

Anyone notice Captain Syphilis has not golfed in ages? He’s physically unable to anymore. That makes me happy. 😃

If you hear someone saying that they hope lawyers are ready to go to court to protect free and fair elections, I suggest you let them know that my law firm is already litigating more than 80 voting and election cases in 40 states.

Dear, @housedemocrats.bsky.social There’s been a recent release of something called the Epstein files. Could you please read them, and then get back to us when you PLAN TO DO SOMETHING!! I would happy to begin donating to you again. Until then…get ready to lose your seats! @schumer.senate.gov

The arrest of Don Lemon is textbook fascism—a brazen attempt to silence reporting on a criminal regime. Stand up for Don, because our rights stand and fall with those of courageous journalists throughout this country.

Is it dead yet? Will it be dead soon?

Please read and repost. Ms. Good is not the only one by far.

Dead? No? K. See ya tomorrow.

I haven’t been able to laugh in a while.

Happy Caturday! Also…FDT!

Is he dead? No? K, see ya tomorrow.

This really works. It takes just seconds to thank your driver with a $5 tip (paid by Amazon) www.aboutamazon.com/news/transpo...

Just stopping in to see if he’s dead. That is all.

You lost me at, “I voted for you”. JFC!

Great news. This is what an ICE agent looks like in a mugshot. Meet Gerardo Rodriguez, 45, of Temecula, courtesy of the Riverside County Sheriff’s Office. Arrested for "illegally detaining a minor at gunpoint while off duty last week." 🧵

youtube.com/shorts/AGzzi... Another reminder:

youtu.be/GM05FwyhHPA Here is the real Marge, everyone. This leopard’s spots will never change.

Wordle 1,609 3/6 🟩⬜⬜⬜⬜ 🟩🟩⬜⬜⬜ 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

This needs to be taken seriously. They aren’t too worried about it (except for the optics), because they are CURRENTLY RIGGING THE MIDTERMS!!! No, I don’t fall for conspiracy theories, I have just had my eyes and ears open for the PAST TEN YEARS!!!

As a devout Brewers fan, let me just say this: GO BLUE JAYS!!! 🇨🇦

Also….

Me and my kid in Chicago.

Dear Janet Mills, You’re 77 years OLD! Did you ever hear of retirement? Seriously, Democrats, let’s do better!

He lost to a Latina, no less. My sister said “the ketchup’s hitting the walls today”

This! 👏🏼

Congratulations 🎉🎈🍾

Dear World, Please forgive us. Please help us.

Wordle 1,557 2/6 ⬜⬜⬜⬜🟨 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

youtube.com/shorts/y2fs6... It wasn’t Jimmy’s recent comment on the CK shooter being maga. THIS is what got him fired. Drumph has been seething for months about this. 👇🏼

The ‘50s McCarthy Era called, they want their ideals back.

Congratulations to our sweet friend Debra, my future neighbor in Guatemala, for crushing her 5K Debra @debra-in-guatemala.bsky.social 5K

I have canceled Disney+ Hulu, and will not watch ABC, or CBS. Remember, when you boycott something, it means 100%. None of this, “oh, just once because they’re airing a show or movie I like”. I also gave up CNN and MSNBC since last November. They have all assisted this horror show for nine years.

So…are we going to be left with the comedy of Jim Breuer, Rob Schneider, Roseanne, and Dennis Miller from now on? 😩

It was not political violence. It was gun violence. Charlie said that gun deaths (of little children) are prudent and necessary to protect his god given rights. Thanks for standing behind your words, Charlie.

He said it, not me.

Sending the same thoughts and prayers to Charlie Kirk that he sent to the Hortmans. Hope that helps.

Please, please, PLEASE let this be the year. We SO deserve this. Also, if they make it, could y’all dear friends do a GoFundMe so I can attend? Love you all! 🤭

Hey @jaketapper.bsky.social How are your book sales coming along?