My Doctor: Can you tell me why your sodium levels are through the roof? Me: My 6-year-old has a tendency to oversalt their scrambled eggs and I refuse to waste food. My Doc: Go off, king.

I want that Sunday kind of love.

Was watching Sailor Moon with the kids tonight. *Tuxedo Mask shows up* 6-year-old: Oh, who is that? *Sailor Moon gets heart eyes and says he's so cute* 6-year-old (with a bone-deep disgust): Oh my god.

Alright, I may have to actually bite the bullet and make my own sfx for this next audio. What tools do people recommend? I'm assuming some kind of d**do and lube, but what materials and what type of lube work best for getting the right sounds?

Now live on Reddit! www.reddit.com/r/gonewildau...

Sometimes I want you to feel unsafe www.instagram.com/reel/DTfb2Rz...

ASMR Book Reviews: "Night's Master" by Tanith Lee. #asmr #bookreviews #tanithlee #nightsmaster www.youtube.com/watch?v=6fex...

My audio Dreaming of You, featuring a cameo by @benji2049.bsky.social, appears on Literotica today. It’s an emotional story of grief and love and comfort. www.literotica.com/s/audio-drea...

Everything reminds me of her.

Does anyone remember that episode of “Monsters” where the guy is harassed by a super long finger that pops out of his bathroom sink but disappears whenever his wife shows up? And then the episode ends with him chopping up the finger with a chainsaw? Man, I miss the ‘80s…

Episode 38 of my podcast, "Teasing Your Best Friend's Father," drops today. Let's start the year off with a twist - and a roleplay instead of a narrative - Apple Podcasts - podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/b... - Audible - www.audible.com/podcast/Benj... - Spotify - open.spotify.com/show/3OJugF5...

Just a casual, lo-fi book reading for my patrons. This thing is already funnier than I expected! #janeausten #prideandprejudice #booktok www.patreon.com/cw/Benji2049

My 4-year-old’s lunch was a bag of tortilla chips and fountain machine ice. I welcome your judgement.

To all the smut writers out there: One of my oldest stories on Literotica has nearly 2 million views. The hundreds of comments range from the astonishingly complimentary to the shockingly personal & insulting. You get all kinds of feedback when you put yourself out there. Write for you first.

Run away with me? www.youtube.com/shorts/Sw7F3...

Now live on Wkd’s Get In My Ears subreddit! @wkdfaerie.bsky.social

I just discovered a new kink and it’s coming home to a clean house after forgetting I cleaned it this morning. G*d damn I’ve never been so hot for me.

So, forgive a dad for being late to the party, but Monster High, Vampirina, Zombies, and Wednesday are all the exact same show, yes?

Merry Christmas! #malevoice #asmr #booktokromance #santababy

I know I say this every time I watch it but my god Annette Bening in #TheAmericanPresident She’s both gorgeous and a total goober. I’m enchanted all over again.

It's no secret this has been a tough year. It's been tough for all sorts of reasons and for all kinds of folks. I'm just a guy who writes dirty words on the internet, but I am, behind all that, a guy trying to do my best out here... www.patreon.com/posts/merry-...

I could never love you right www.youtube.com/shorts/7_Cip...

Kids, don't wait too long to edit your audio after you record it. You might spend hours trying to fix a bad take and then discover a whole second, flawless take at the end of the track. This might also be advice to actually listen to the whole track before starting the edit, but who has the time?

Wkd and I are going to record one more episode of Get In My Pants for 2025. Come join us!

Oof. When you crossfade two separate takes into that one perfect take. Oof. Oooof that's some good sh*t...

“We’ll be singin’… when we’re winnin’…” #petepostlethwaite #brassedoff #chumbawamba

Listen to it now on Reddit www.reddit.com/r/gonewildau...

My newest audio, Teasing Your Best Friend's Father, is now live on GWA. I hope you like it. www.reddit.com/r/gonewildau...

I’m looking for you. www.tiktok.com/t/ZTrbeappd/

I think Bill Skarsgard is a great actor, and when he plays Pennywise I 100% believe he’s some shapeless, cosmic entity pretending to be a clown. But unfortunately that’s why Tim Curry is still the more effective monster. Curry’s clown actually behaves like a clown kids can trust. Until he isn’t.

As an emotionally closed off man of a certain age, I am legally prohibited from admitting I cried during Zootopia 2. I just want to make that clear. We’re all clear on that, yes?

Kids: *have been playing quietly by themselves for an hour* Dad: *starts a 20-minute workout* Kids: Dad, we need a harmonica.

Do you think about me? #yearning #monologue #malevoice www.youtube.com/shorts/P8yQE...

My 4-year-old: Can you put on “Go Back to the Future?” Me: You want to watch “Back to the Future?” 4: Yes! Me: Awesome. I’ll do that right now. 4: When I watch it, I will yell, “GO BACK TO THE FUTURE!!”

What will we do when it rains? www.tiktok.com/t/ZTrQBhsvE/

That feeling when you're editing for hours and complete the audio, but instead of feeling accomplished you're just an uncomfortable mix of hungry and horny.

If America can't be healed by Sarah Sherman dressed up as a giant, drunk raccoon, we don't deserve saving.

So I didn’t even know Spotify did this, but everybody’s sharing theirs and now I’m getting in on it, too. Wanna guess who’s a dad?

May I spend a little time with you? #affirmations #romantic #loving #malevoice #monologue

With regards to #JaneAusten www.youtube.com/shorts/TktBx...

Look, I'm not trying to be a catty witch over here, but I do find it ironic that everyone is happy to jump on the "We Hate AI" bandwagon until it comes up with a song that can make their tiktoks go viral.

If you’re a plus size femme please give yourself the gift of listening to @benji2049.bsky.social voice @goddessmenacegaia.bsky.social beautiful words. Truly a perfect love letter. Exquisite.

For when you need to hear it #affirmations #selflove #youarestrongenough #malevoice #asmr #chronicpain www.youtube.com/shorts/bQQDB...

Tonight I present you with a short but sweet script by @goddessmenacegaia.bsky.social. This audio is brief, but it does my history major heart quite proud. Apple Podcasts - podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/b... Audible - www.audible.com/podcast/Benj... Spotify - open.spotify.com/show/3OJugF5...

You cannot conceive, nor can I, of the unmitigated annoyance a VA feels for the car on his street that idles for 15 minutes for no discernible reason.

Childhood is over when they master the complex geometry of putting on a snow glove. Until then, enjoy the chaos.

Just wanted to say something on behalf of the dads #ryechips #chexmix #dadadvice youtube.com/shorts/7lDdj...

If you’re not a member of this Patreon, you won’t get to listen to Benji croon into your ear like this. So, rectify that, okay?

An exclusive audio is now available on my Patreon: "Happy Thanksgiving (An Episode of Love)" www.patreon.com/posts/exclus...