Autocorrect keeps trying to turn penis into punishment. Studied no comment

www.thefa.com/news/2025/oc... I didn't think we'd be in this, as a very ordinary tie between National League and National League North, but apparently someone has looked up our record breaking shootout from 2014

Asked my sibling for help and they're offering what feels like peer support. I don't want peer support. I want someone with more sense than me to step in and sort everything 😭

45 minute wait between buses so I've gone for a cup of tea. Apparently if you order Earl Grey with lemon, they put the lemon in the pot with the teabag? I can't articulate why that isn't right other than I'm not used to it, but that's reason enough to find it disconcerting

It's been six months and I still can't get over how he said I should be more scared of Muslims stoning me than the right wing taking away my health care and not two weeks later the government decided I should be banned from taking a shit

Shout out to the house in Scotter flying the progress pride flag from a flagpole on the building

The replica Wembley shirt @lucypaw.bsky.social gave me has had a successful debut

"Now the woke left are trying to cancel fractions"

Snapchat bloke: bring your toy Me: I'll pack my dick, yes

xCLP: just got blood all over my freshly washed jeans Me: I'm assuming uterine rebellion and you're not murdering people Me: if you are murdering people, you'd better not tell me

It's always weird when someone follows me based on a cool reply I did to someone else's skeet because be warned, over 50% of my original skeets are about some annoying or amusing interaction I had with someone off Grindr

I have misplaced my improbably large dick and a friend is trying to commiserate with me Friend: I bet someone stole it Me: why, because they were jealous it was bigger than theirs?

Some things I feel like I should write about: - "there are no trans children" - Jaren Karen's poverty narrative - some shit Lindsay said once that is like what gee cees say now - what I learned on the Thames Path I probably won't write any of them unless someone hands me a bucket of motivation

I think the barber said I looked beautiful. (Not 100% sure as I had my back to him.) Going to interpret that as self congratulation on his handiwork rather than anything creepy

labour are like a referee who booked someone in the first five minutes for a 50/50 challenge and the game is now spiralling out of control and they’ve sent off over four hundred players

I don't think we should use slurs for AI, not because it's alive but just because using slurs is a bad habit to get into

If they really wanted to get sympathy they could invoke the plight of poor mentals who got arrested for criminal damage and still haven't heard where that's going because the police are too busy

Body Balance (yoga plus some other things) consistently makes me cry. According to the instructor, this is within the expected range of reactions, especially for someone with a trauma history. I'm willing to stick with it for now and take the crying as necessary catharsis

Snapchat bloke: have you got any new nudes? ...why? If my tits change, you'll be the first to know

It's cool how various groups have call and response patterns they can play out. So eg Catholics have "the Lord be with you" "and also with you" (Rite B Anglicans have "and with thy spirit"). Scunthorpe fans have "what do you think of grimsby" "shit"

Bad: I missed the last train home and had to stay the night in York Good: there's a hostel with dorm beds for £11 Bad: reception tried to put me in a female dorm and claim this was a favour to me Good: when I coldly said "no thank you" they quickly changed it back to a mixed dorm

Charcoal is what they give in cases of accidental poisoning to try to bind the poison so it doesn't affect you. If you haven't been poisoned, it does the same trick with your medications, making them less effective. Not recommended

I'm in this picture and I don't like it

Corner comes in, slightly overnight. Bloke behind me says "that was rubbish". Played back across the box, half cleared, and struck into the goal. Rubbish, was it?

The Scunthorpe fans are in two different blocks, apparently based on when we bought our tickets, so what's happening is the North Stand contingent start a chant and about two seconds later the West Stand contingent picks it up

Little bit worried that this stadium is sponsored by LNER, the train company that got me here tonight

Found an onion on the guerrilla garden that I'd overlooked. This brings the harvest up to 2 onions, one broad bean, and twenty radishes, although the sprouts are also looking promising

Someone: the Venn diagram of X and Y is a circle Me: *twitch* *twitch* technically that would be an Euler diagram

I'm all for puncturing Jaren Karen's poverty narrative, but claiming she was committing benefit fraud is propping up a whole bunch of other narratives that are even more toxic

There's a joke I like about a footballer from a war-torn country who signs for Hull City. He makes his debut at Old Trafford, plays an absolute blinder, calls his mum to tell her, and she doesn't want to know. Says he's dead to her

Labour's ultimate plan to reduce immigration: make the country so much of a shithole nobody wants to come here anyway

I love how they specify the recipient of the sperm can't be related to the dead guy. They're cool with taking sperm from a corpse but they draw the line at inbreeding

Guy that says "say when" when pouring a drink and keeps pouring until you literally say "when"

Our culture really is more tolerant of violence than consensual sex

Made the mistake of listening to the news. They talked about trump's latest tariff bullshit and said "it's not clear how this will work". This is presumably a euphemism for "He's talking utter nonsense and pretending it's policy again"

I'm not fucking going back to King's Lynn so they'd better fucking take care of it at Glanford Park

At the height of workfare, I volunteered in a charity shop. The number of people who heard I was volunteering and asked if it was workfare was ... well OK there were only a couple, but it wasn't zero

Grindr bloke: there's a bloke who would love to fuck you Me: cool. Does he know I'm a herpes carrier? GB: I could just tell him he has to use a condom because you're worried about STIs

Waiting for my platform to be announced at KGX. Overlooking the shitty wizard area, where there are loads of apparent adults taking photographs on a random Saturday night :-/

I would, but all of my recent pictures of myself are extremely NSFW. Sorry

Different football clubs have fascinatingly different approaches to security. At Brackley, they confiscate nail scissors lest you use an inch long blade as a weapon. At Scunthorpe, they glance into your bag just to make sure you're not smuggling nuclear warheads in.

Back when I supported a league one team (just), I booked into a hostel that had gendered dorms. This gave me the choice between misgendering myself and trying to book into a female dorm using a credit card in the name of Mr D Quebec and booking into a male dorm then rocking up with visible tits

Things I have to explain to horny idiots part 216: it might be called genital herpes but you can still transmit it via anal

Snapchat bloke: can I share your nudes with my friends? Me: sure, but if they say "She's hot" you have to tell them I'm actually a bloke

I cleaned the bathroom and toilet. Everything is still shit, but now I have a clean bathroom and toilet

CPN thought it was amusing to joke that if I did any more exercise related things I'd start playing for Scunthorpe. If it was just about their low standards, I'd have dutifully chuckled, but since I'm not allowed to play men's football unless I lie, it was extremely not funny

xCLP bought a guillotine paper trimmer the other day. Her bf and I both made jokes about how it isn't the kind of guillotine the current situation really calls for

Gee cees think having compassion for a child being abused or neglected by their parents is a safeguarding risk but they also talk openly about how much sex they thing a child needs to have before they deserve bodily autonomy

My boss asked me today when I knew I was transgender. The short answer is I knew I wanted to be a boy when I was 11, but I didn't know that was being trans until I was 18, and I didn't fully accept it until I was 25

www.bbc.co.uk/news/article... something adorable out of my home town. The hospital got a play MRI scanner so kids can scan their toys before they go for their real scan, and it's really helping them stay calm