@learnedleague.com Thorsten, what are you doing to me with this promotion to A? I'm a-scared.

I know this guy, and yes, you should get ready.

Um, ok, if I suddenly retire and if I suddenly have my balls gold-plated this December, its because of this Christmas song i just wrote.

Me sampling jerky at a mall kiosk: "This jerky tastes so good, it had to have been made by a 12 year old boy who wasn't wearing a hat." Employee at @matthatjerky.bsky.social kiosk: "Buckle up, fucko, cause I'm about to blow your mind."

More like Paul Midwesterberg.

If you look at the name of this national forest, you'll notice that its name is exactly Waluigi spelled backwards. This should tell you that something is afoot.

An assortment of numbers between 1 and 75, arranged in a 5 by 5 grid with a free space in the middle spot? I didnt have that on my bingo card.

Broke my duolingo streak today. Now I don't know if I even WANT to learn Nell.

I don't trust anyone that's got a skeleton inside them. Have you seen those things?!

Much health and healing to the deceased and his festival.

Turning Point's stuff has gone downhill the past couple days.

He's in heaven now, making amazing music with Jimi Hendrix, Janis Jopin, Franz Liszt, and Bruce Springsteen. I imagine him playing hambone percussion.

Ok, but whose phone should I be using?

I hope the Pentagon is ordering some cuh-RAZY bread, on accounta how insane the whole thing is.

They full on made C. Thomas Howell do whiteface in The Outsiders....smh

There's nothing in the rulebook that says a dog can't be Air Budd Dwyer.

In Soviet Russia, Shudder presents Corn in the Clownfield.

TV detective: These are some pretty intense lyrics. He must have had a lot of enemies. What parent WOULDN’T want to throttle him for filling their kids’ heads with trash? Slain pop punk musician via music video: 🎵 Some cats may call me rude, but they just hate my doggie ‘tude! Woof!

How many Stamps does it take to send an actor to heaven? Terrence Stamp. Delete.

The 1980s were just a Lengthiest Buttock competition.

Kids used to be into Sit Ubu Sit, and now all they talk about is Shit Labubu Shit.

If you love dictionary co-authors so much, why don't you Merriam?

Adjusted for inflation, he's probably a Chabillionaire by now.

It stands for Heating, Ventilation, and All Cops.

Secretive Harold Wrong, the world's most famous demolitionist.

The French call it fromage because, well, fromage 0 to age 100, they're eatin' that cheese.

@mikeshardlemonade.bsky.social will there be a Mike's Amazing Hard Mayonnaise collab in the future?

Earth, Sweat, Nash, and Palmer.

Kids these days are into Cowboy Carter. In my day they were more into GAMEboy cartRIDGE.

Almost finished reading "A Distant Mirror." Barbara Tuchman really out there showing us the whole Coucy.

If you're tired of frivolity like I am, remember...in case you find any of those garish, vandalized eggs around this weekend, you can use Comet powder and elbow grease to scrub them back to their natural color.

Nine Inch Nails. Why, what's your favorite Slam Bamboo side project?

Kids these days are into Quincy M.E. when they should be into Quincy Jones.

One more Lisa and baby you got a Cult Jam going. #oscars

I'd like this show better if they said "sekai taikai" more.

I've heard of a light roast, but this is ridiculous (the beans are roasted pretty darkly).

Dealing with a minor stomach bug on Puerto Plata's famous pink street. #Puertoplata #dominicanrepublic #paseodedonablanca

I'm trying to be the Michael Palin of bollards.

So what if I keep a bottle of Pepto in the back of my wardrobe? That's Narnia bismuth.

He should be called George ThoroBAD. You'd agree with me if you saw his bones.

Bill Murray's character on Feb 3, after 30 years of Groundhog Days, probably: WHAT THE FUCK IS ANYTHING WHERE IS MY ADDRESS WHATS MY SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER HOW DO I DRIVE WHAT IS A PITTSBURGH WHAT IS MY PHONE NUMBER WHAT IS MY ATM PIN I FORGET EVERYTHING WHAT THE FUCK.

Demi Moore was great. Very nice of Malcom MacDowell to turn down that part in The Substance.

Renee Venmowegger. Delete.

Tonight's dessert is Ben and Jerry's collaboration with the Smiths: Morrissey Garcia.

"I'm quitting Twitter for the time being." "You mean you're coming back eventually?" "No, i mean I'm quitting Twitter forever, as a favor to Houroboros the Chronomancer."

You got your Love Actually in my Subterranean Homesick Blues.

I've heard of "I've heard of Getty Images but this is ridiculous!" but this is plausible!

Infotainment? Advertorial? Nah, son, I need Educahelp.

For Your Consideration: Liam Neeson's transcendent performance as Dave Matthews in Kinzie.

Me explaining Deal or No Deal Island your mom: "That means there's water surrounding the Deal or No Deal."