my husband's all, didn't maha sing "take on meat" back in the 80s?

well, that meltdown apparently cost me my wedding ring. happy valentines day

like the discount version of hot ham water

i have been as morose and mired in despair and fury as any decent human, but this evening i heard j. geils band's freeze frame at the end of my walk, and i suddenly felt a burst of mirth 😱

oh wow, more bad

purchased! frantically reading!

we were going to build a dog park in our neighborhood. now we might pivot to a bomb shelter

luring my birdwatching friend back to town to visit me with the prospect of sighting a north american pedantoraptor (they correct their prey while hunting)

it starts with two asses and at this point it’s a wholly reasonable way to deal with my country’s leadership

it is so super fine if i don’t make it to 2026 my gosh

i find motion sensor lights incredibly validating tbh

i had a dream that i printed 8.5x11 label sheets captioned "i'm sensitive" in 200pt font and affixed them to large trucks all around town.

christ gone wild? is he showing his titties? are we doing spring break-the xmas edition?

if I hang an extra set of truck nutz on a truck that already has some have i made it gay or is that only true if one set of fake testicles touches the other while the truck is in motion? pls explain the rules, i am autistic and wish to vandalize correctly

existing in a female body in this society is such a garbage experience

new hdp cookbook about to drop?

that’s a lotta nuts share.google/tnFzgf8EglWa...

my funeral will be held at a trampoline park and the coffin flop will be epic

“horrible” is now built into the definition of “day”

“that’s not where the poo is supposed to be. i took a class on this” —my kid

isn’t lemon micropenis playing at coachella next year?

don’t talk to me or my son ever again?

nitzer ebb’s join in the chant is for doing little goth-kick steps in a circle and making fancy, dramatic hand motions to while you’re dressed all in black. we’re not supposed to live inside the song. my country is really messing this up

starting to think they don’t want ppl to have abortions due to the consequent reduction of molestable stock

that she has an autistic husband is really the only interesting and worthwhile thing about amy schumer

trying: the most effort-intensive way to fail

life in america

help (n): actions or words that fail to improve a situation in any meaningful way—often worsening existing conditions—but which nonetheless necessitate gross displays of gratitude

my husband and i are both in our 50s. healthy eating is crucial

A society that lets machines think for it and politicians feel for it will soon learn that feeling without thinking is reckless, and thinking without feeling is heartless, but doing neither makes the whole business utterly 𝘱𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴.

i wish i had someone like agnes to talk to

gif of a movie you’ve seen more than seven times

sorry but i’ve started calling it “hween” like when hwhite ppl say hwheat

i have seen mention of sardine girl summer and tomato girl fall and i think whoever is in charge of inventing new girl seasons can just stop now, these are dumb as hell

the various elements of pumpkin spice have gotten too expensive bc of tariffs so everything in the u.s. is just football flavored now

this is a fake snakeskin jacket, and for me it’s a symbol of my fake individuality and my belief in fake personal freedom let’s see if i can get my husband to be lula for halloween

one of my best friends visited and combed through my old tapes cos one of his gen z pals is all about cassettes. such memories. such dust

weirdly joyful about the jewel heist at the louvre, like, i love it when life gets appropriately cinematic in harmless ways

is her nose shrinking cos she sniffles too hard or is the rest of her head continually expanding? terrifying visuals here

gonna buy my whole hoa board of directors their very own kim k merkin thongs for xmas this year, cos it’s gross when they all share the same one

post a film with an excellent soundtrack! 🎶

oh, trevor

so i’m taking skirts away from fashion. clearly it cannot be trusted with the design of this garment 😒

my kimchi farts were obviously raptured, but i was not 🤷‍♀️

oh, diz is tryna do a rekimmeling cos caving to fash is actually too aspensive after all? neato

the world is awful, my country is trying very hard to be the worst one ever, and i’ve just learned that newly elected hoa presidents must post mirror selfies without cleaning their mirrors (i will definitely shut up about winning this election, just not today)

WE ARE A GO FOR AN AUTISTIC RUN NEIGHBORHOOD MADAM PRESIDENT OF THE GODDAMN HOA: ME youtu.be/Bz0uuGr815s

smartfunnydecent ppl gotta be so brave and strategic now

maybe next time she’ll see an oral surgeon or a dentist 🦃😱