"Chris d'Entremont totally deserves to eat lunch at the nerd table forever and all the actually cool kids hate him now what a loser." There's your "government in waiting," Canada.

Woke up to an Ontario winter wonderland this morning (that's like a regular winter wonderland, but the snow is so heavy shoveling it feels like pushing around a pile of wet towels). Instead: here's a picture of the future — this is from next spring. #Flowers #BloomScrolling #SpringIsComing

"Pull, ye scurvy dogs, pull!" howled the galley master as he beat his ragged drum, "pull that oar or by Neptune's beard I'll whip yon salty hides 'till they're raw! And don't even *dream* of ever leaving this ship! This is the SS Conservative — once ye come aboard, ye shall *never* go ashore again!"

"Hey, what's up with the mask?" Even if we were in some kinda magical universe where wee chompy gnomes with razor-sharp teeth gnawed all the viruses off of aspirated saliva as it flew out our mouths and noses, I *STILL* would prefer not to inhale strangers' hot flying spit. G'wan, call me crazy.

In the year 2075, Bill Gates' severed head hallucinating in a nutrient bath of nanobots and glycerin in a bunker deep beneath New Zealand won't give a *tinker's damn* whether Florida is above sea level or not, but desperate subsistence farmers preyed on by marauding hordes of nomadic cannibals will.

With their immediate raison d'être snuffed out like livestock churned through an abattoir (because that's what they were to the people who owned, fed and grifted off the ostriches), unmoored champions of freedom set out, honking at drag queens or sex-ed or mandates or whatever the hell comes next.

"Ready for the Trump rally?" "Sure am! Got my adult diaper, my ear bandage and third-term banner." "What, no barbiturates?" "Barb who?" "Downers, silly! It's what all the hardcore fans are doing — to feign geriatric narcolepsy." "But... won't that put me to sleep?" "Duh."

This isn't some kinda hyperbole or metaphor or crystal ball-tugging; buddy has said as much in no uncertain terms: your constitutional rights are safe wheresover they do not impede his ideological goals. This is who he is. And *million* of our neighbours love him. www.cbc.ca/news/politic...

Effecting change in a democracy, how it started/going.

How it started / how it's going. "Of COURSE we condemn any politician who crosses the ai-ai-yi-yi, yikes, how embarrassing."

The Beachcombers, a🧵 The flaming hulk of the Canadian Conservative Party runs aground near Molly's Reach and Nick is convinced there's a fortune to be made if he can get aboard and salvage what's left of the party before the tide comes in. But will anybody in Gibsons help him? Thursday at 9:00

"But Constable Constable-" "Don't 'but Constable Constable' me, Addonidas. The wreck of the Conservative Party is off limits and that's final!" "Lots of it is salvageable!" "It's not safe! There's MPs leaping off the poop deck, it's leaking flopsweat-" "They called you corrupt, y'know." "[sigh] Ok."

"Jeez, Nick. I dunno." "Jessie, I'm telling you, there's lots of good stuff left in the Conservative Party: whiteboards, telephones, photocop-" "And it's all held together with spite and loathing. No thanks, Nick." "We could get top dollar!" "We'd *never* get the stink of fear off that stuff, Nick."

Fair point, they haven't much chance of winning the next federal election with Mr. Poilievre at the helm, but are we *sure* winning is what they want? Seems to me, the last ten years have inured the party intelligentsia to perpetual, petulant, knee-jerk opposition. Like Mrs. Doyle famously says....

"We can go take a look, but we won't find nuthin' — nuthin' worth saving, I mean." "Oh c'mon, Relic! It's the Conservative Party of Canada! Why, they've been around since-" "Since McKay amalgamated to Reform in 2003. Decades of mismanagement and now-" "Poilievre?" "That piffleswipe ran it aground."

"The draft you submitted is good," said the AI-fancying editor, "the narrative engaging, the prose colourful without being overbearing, the facts pertinent and well researched. So we're going to run it through an automaton that simulates Mr. Magoo on a handful of magic mushrooms and six beers."

A couple of weeks ago Mr. Poilievre was threatening to have Trudeau arrested and expose the "corrupt RCMP," and this morning we discover that his party enforcers are "threatening to ruin" the next Conservative — his own people! — to cross the floor. How would you describe that leadership style?

Ackshully... [ahem] Jesus on toast is called Transubstantiation. You're welcome.

"Forget about it, Nick." "Forget it? No way! There's good salvage in there: a whole political party, with enforcers and spin doctors and-" "It's hot garbage." "But Relic, once it stops burning-" "Back home we had a saying for a party in that kinda shape." "Oh?" "The arse has gone out of her, Nick."

Captain Poilievre was glad, in a weird, macabre way, of the silence — the sudden, stunned quiet after all the bursting bulkheads and the shrieking passengers leaping into the Atlantic. Now, he was alone; only the wheelhouse creaking as the icy brine worked its way up the windows, inch by inch.

"Oh, so you think you got 'em all, huh? You reckon that's the end of it, do you? Sure, sure. You go right on telling yourselves you're safe now, the danger is past. Go on, enjoy your ignorance while it lasts [cry-sobbing in ironic regret and loathing]."

Post legalization, most of the people smoking it are the same who were smoking it before. They're savvy re: safe dosage and limits. But eating it? A whole new market opened up for folks curious about gummies, and they weren't prepared for that most basic of safe-imbibing tactics: COUNT! YOUR! HITS!

"Well, that's it," honked the head goose, "I've had enough." And with that, he screwed on his little fedora, grabbed his portmanteau in his webbed feet and made for sunnier climes. "C'mon, everybody. Let's get the V outta here." #Bird #Birding #Birdwatching #Nature #NaturePhotography

Somebody needs to build these fellahs a rickety backyard treehouse where they can draw boobies on comic strip characters and play army and generally carry on like school's out for summer until one of them lights a fart and burns the whole thing down.

"Eat THOSE objections, soy boy Cuckarney! Haha, yeah." "Sir!" "Hush, I'm gloating." "But sir, the amendment!" "What amendment?" "The amendment to the budget, sir — where you explain what you'd change." "Oh, piffle. My job is complaining." "Sir, they'll say you made a historic-" "You're fired."

"What's this what's this? A... wo-man? In *my* place of work? Oh, this is *most* unconscionable. Indecorously unconscionable! Why, suppose I've an off-colour jape to share? Or a bolus of wind to pass? Whence, pray, shall I go should the need to talk of sportsball possess me? How da-a-a-a-a-are she!"

THE WASTELAND - Most desert scavengers — including nomadic cannibals — continue to view the villagers positively in gasoline and slavery matters even as warlord The Humungus demands their immediate and unconditional surrender.

"Idiots!" cries the Bosun above the howling gale as survivors are plucked out of the choppy surf. "They're only doing this to save their lives," adds the ship's Chandler as the sea consumes the deck 'neath his feet. But the Captain says naught, his mad eyes reeling like gulls in his weepy sockets.

"I dunno about the jab; I heard it *might* cause heart problems. Besides, COVID's mild in children." Statistical realities are not immediately tangible; you have train your mind to see the patters in data, but they're as real as the nose on your face. And the reality is you need to get vaccinated.

Who's next?

As the gravity well narrows, the strained atomic bonds holding the party together are stretched to their breaking point. Particles begin to spiral outward, propelled by the centerfugal energy of a reaction begun long ago. If any survive the coming conflagration, it will be they who escape now.

No groceries without ID? Huh. Where have I heard that before? Oh yeah — I remember! Pretty sure Jack Chick warned me about this at a bus stop or a men's room or something.

The S.S. Liberal comes alongside; "Abandon ship! You are SINKING!" First one, and then another and another sailor hurls himself from the flaming hulk, swims to safety. "Go to blazes," shouts the mad Captain of the doomed scow as the icy brine closes over him, "we sail to FREEDO-BLUB GLorb blorp."

City of Sickos

"Do you need a moment, officer?" "I... I'll be fine, your honour. I was saying that, even today [sob] whenever I smell onions [shudder] I feel the urge to beat up unarmed brown people [snivel whimper]!" "Uh-huh. And how often do you smell onions and-" "ALL THE TIME [uncontrolled blubbering]"

Post a bird announcing that Dick Cheney is dead.

[ring] "Hello? Uh-huh. Sure, I'll take a survey. Eh? Next election? Ok. Well, I'm voting for Doug Ford, 100%. Uh... I guess because he's cutting down all the speed cameras — I used to get *loads* of tickets. And easy access to liquor — I love booze! I'm drinkin' a coffee cup of schnapps right now!"

I'm seeing lots "porch pirate gets just desserts with glitterbomb" videos, which are repulsive AI slop, but more to the point: HOT TIP Never give people with a proclivity for crime and nothing better to do with their days... 1) a reason to hate you, and 2) your home address. Think about it.

A Killdeer I met recently at Point Pelee National Park. #Bird #Birding #Birder #Nature #NaturePhotography

"Hey hallway patients! I got GREAT news." "Are... are we being admitted to rooms?" "Nope! Even better: WE'RE LESS IN DEBT THAN WE THOUGHT!" "Oh! That means you'll be re-opening Emerg-" "Haha no. But you can get a six of Coors Light at the 7-11!" "That... that's not-" "AND drive as fast as you like!"

"But they don't get winters like ours!" No, they get a perpetual, drizzling frosty damp that gradually saps your will to live and drives strong men mad. Say it with me: THE WEATHER IS NOT AN IMPEDIMENT TO CYCLISTS WHO ARE WEARING CLOTHES.

Please allow me, a resident of Ontario (shown in red, below), to assure Seclutaripat Beesbent that we take his complaint *very* seriously, and fully intend to discuss it over some mortadella and wine as we watch the sun set into the Tyrrhenian Sea this evening.

Pretty sure these guys run on 5V 500mA USB wallwarts now.

I saw the philosopher Mark Kingwell give a talk years ago where he said future generations will refer to ours as "The People Who Flew," because there's no way that flitting about the globe is sustainable, given the energy required, the pollution etc. They will say it with wonder, envy and scorn.

A movie you've seen more than 7 times with a GIF

"Tell me, Mr. Poilievre, how long have you had these... uncomfortable thoughts?" "Uncomfortable?" "Aren't they? Or do you enjoy contemplating Liberal sexuality?" "No! I mean-" "Did it appeal to you prior to 2015?" "Well... no." "Perhaps, then, it is Mr. Trudeau who haunts-" "HE IS SO DAMN BEAUTIFUL"

Abolish DST? Pah! Think bigger: ABOLISH SEASONS Were it not for that 23.5° axial tilt in the Earth's orbit, we'd have unchanging conditions all year round. C'mon! Everybody in the Northern hemisphere, stand on your kitchen chair and hop off when I give the signal. Ready? O-o-one... tw-w-w-o... th-

Happy Dia de los Muertos to all who celebrate! Below, a stunningly decorated skull gifted us by a dear friend years ago. A toast! To absent friends.

"Tonight on Cross Country Checkup: what is Pierre Poilievre hiding? His refusal to submit to an audit other parliamentarians completed as a matter of course raises questions — is it money laundering? Human trafficking? Drugs? Have *your* say." Just kidding! They'll be talking about Ford's tv ad.