when you live outside of a major city, there's nothing quite like the thrill of realizing that the episode of the show you're watching takes place within your own zip code

i'm assembling a crack team of my finest alters for one last score. the job? stealing one of the most valuable treasures in the world: your heart :)

i've stopped saying thank you when my girlfriend does things for me. i just say "i love you" with an air of desperate gratitude, as if the thing she has done has saved my life

discovered i may not be getting enough protein OR iron in my diet and immediately succumbed to grandiose daydreams of how hot and powerful i might become if i solved both issues

saying this to my bluesky crushes when i want to move things to signal

hey, can I tell you something... off the record? ;)

do not show me screenshots from other websites on here. if i wanted to see those websites, i'd go on them!! unless it's funny

sometimes i get on here at ~3 am, but i never hit like on any posts because i don't want my mutuals to catch me staying up past my bedtime 🤫

[passing you a weed pen] it's your hoot, girl

it's sooo hot today and now my ghost girlfriend is giving me the invisible treatment just because i kept asking her to "do that haunting thing" where she makes the air suddenly and preternaturally colder

flirting is a subtle art

they're calling it "pipebolting". the latest craze sweeping tiktok has teens across the country running through active thunderstorms while waving long copper pipes in the air. all for internet clout

one good reason to wear a dress with buttons all the way down is that your girlfriend can methodically undo each of them after telling you to "just lie back" because she intends to "take care of everything" 😳🫠🥰

i've never had so many people wish me a happy birthday before. bluesky can be pretty nice :)

finally doing what i really wanted to do today: getting sushi, getting stoned, and getting cuddled up with my girlfriend to watch our show together 🥰

just got a text from an unknown number. it's an AI video of a cat wearing a sequin minidress, dancing on its hind legs. it says i love you and i hope you have a wonderful birthday?? 😨

birthday girl did not have fun and did not get ANY compliments at birthday brunch with the family, but is still feeling pretty good :)

getting asked a lot of questions like "did you do anything for the 4th of July?" and "have you been to the pool yet this summer?" and trying not to answer each of them with "no. i am a transsexual woman"

i'm this many!! [holds up thirty-six fingers]

birthday girl on her way to birthday brunch with the family ^_^

i don't see why everyone has to make such a big deal out of it. fools have to run errands just like the rest of us

X-Files watch guide that warns you when the episode has yucky stuff >_<

jellyfin tonight queen?? jellyfin and chill tonight? 👀

thinking about dumping the hot paladin i've been seeing. don't get me wrong: spending time with her is divine, but if i have to wait much longer for her to... uh... "lay on hands" you're gonna see me at the tavern looking for an adventuring partner with a little more initiative!!

um, I'll have you know i wasn't "crying". i was weeping, actually. it's much more meaningful

been getting a lot of positive feedback on my overall redolence lately. apparently my scent stack goes crazy

at the swimming ponds enjoying the ultimate entertainment: watching the magpies eat people's unsecured lunches

how do i find more DILFs on here? (dykes i'd like to follow)

due to teleportation mishaps, there is now a second lexi, an identical copy of me. before you ask: yes, it's one of the first things we tried. but no, it wasn't as fun as we thought it would be

my girlfriend said she won't euthanize me. is this a deal breaker?

don't ask me for directions. i don't know where we are. i don't know where other places are relative to here. i don't know the names of roads or what highway numbers mean. i just get in the passenger seat and eventually arrive at my destination

yeah, i guess you could say my ass is pretty "super" maybe a little "out of this world", even?

there are so many foods archetypically specific to breakfast or dinner, but the only lunch-coded item i can think of is a sandwich. that doesn't seem fair!!

i haven't been into bluesky as much lately, and it's making me pretty sad. it might be silly, but at this point i don't feel like myself if i'm not posting a couple times a day tbh. i like giggling over my little drafts, and it's fun to see if anyone else likes them too

nobody says "zomg" anymore. now they say "woag". really makes you think

CAKE cover band, but they sing the lyrics instead of saying them

if you wanna take a dip, you gotta test the water. you just don't wanna get wet. dippage is sacred

system where the alter who got the most likes on her posts last month is in charge

ahh the sound of rain is so peaceful to fall asleep to [stays up on her phone for several more hours]

watching X-Files with no lights on... i hope the Smoking Man's in this one :)

spider girlfriend who spins you into a cozy cocoon, suspending you in her web for a little bug nap

i haven't been posting as much, but i am just being cautious. early onset poster's madness runs in my family

uh, yeah, you're "pretty" i guess... pretty BEAUTIFUL! 🫵🤣

"keep my friends close, but my enemies closer?" well that seems backwards!! i am going to stay far away from my enemies thanks 👍

women are always depleting my energy bar when they *should* be draining my health bar. i have sooo many hit points

[just before we leave to do our errands together] do i look okay? be honest :/

it feels like i'm telling my girlfriend about the other kids at school when i talk to her about bluesky

since getting new running shoes last month, my one weird toe has gone normal again. that means i don't have to paint the other nails dark purple to match anymore! yay ^_^

guys let's all take our meds!!

[after posting the same as always] sorry for crashing out on here