i don't mind when a woman says she's posting "tit pics" and it turns out to be bird photos. i was excited about both possibilities

instead of "keysmashing" when i get flustered by flirty texts, i reply with the names of intel x86 instructions. you KNOW you've got my clock cycling when i hit you with one of these: vpunpcklqdq... vfmaddsub123pd gf2p8affineinvqb!! 😳

did my eyeliner good and im not even going anywhere. wasted it

today someone had logged a run at the same average pace im at but they went 5 minutes longer >:(

regular exercise is low key goated in situations where stable mental health is the vibe

i've watched Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children every morning since December 1st. when Kadaj cuts open the JENOVA box, i eat a small piece of chocolate

when i say I'm a "normal" woman what i mean is that I'm weak to fighting women but not very effective against rock or steel women

Animorphs is better than The Chronicles of Narnia.

whenever i get upset about my insomnia, my girlfriend¹ Lily² says something like "you only slept a few hours but you were zonked the whole time! i think you'll have a good amount of energy today," and it really helps 🥰

i type 110 words per minute. i actually can type faster but i keep a little bit for myself ;)

when you're blind and pretty no one cares if you don't help with thanksgiving

me: hey internet how many days does a yellow onion last internet: onions are considered essential to cooking. but for flavor it's important to ensure thet your onions are fresh. on this page, we'll tell you everything you need to know about how to store and keep onions. in the middle ages,

first date idea: midnight jan 1, 1970

alternate universe where His Dark Materials was the big millennial fantasy series and women always ask what your daemon's form would be

writing a self-help book. it's a spin on Do It Scared called "Do It Sad".

They banned Patton Oswalt from Bluesky?! My followers need to hear my thoughts on this.

tactical rpgs…leveling up your dudes…nothing like it. the rush of leveling up a dude

feeling superior to every person in my apartment complex because one of only two treadmills in the gym was still showing my stats from yesterday when I got on it today

i love the tim robinson cinematic universe

i hit a button on my newly invented switchblade broadsword and the whole thing launches out of my hands and disappears over the horizon. i never explained what it was supposed to do so everyone is cheering and going nuts

i have a crush on the pluribus

when you ask me what I'm bringing to the party

i can't believe mamdani won even though the ny post just revealed that his wife is hot

She sensed my nasty aura.

i don't want to scroll through jokes about him all day, but I'm worried about what else I'd miss out on if I muted the word "dick" for 24 hours

oh so now we're canceling people just for *checks notes* just for...um *checks notes again* fuck hold on *drops notes on the floor* oh shit I'm sorry!! *starts crying*

Lumiose City has anti-homeless benches lol

first date idea: you take me to the grocery store and we both get our shopping done

low key love going to the grocery store

eye of newt and toe of frog, piss of horse to shrink your hog.

brew-it-yourself HRT potions

tea time

bawlmer

in Economy Class, you can lift the arm rest between two seats and cuddle with your girlfriend in First Class, you can't so it's not a straightforward upgrade

in the unlikely event of a water landing, bags of rice will drop from the ceiling

10 games to get to know me 🚂

i want to go home but i also don't want to travel so i am considering simply perishing

this headline hums with ancient autumnal dread

the ethereal @lithiumrose.bsky.social

huh? what's a "discord"? you can have my phone number, if that's what you're asking. "join your server"? do you mean go back to your place? sorry, i don't know a lot of trans women 😅

hey which of these do you like better (shows you 30 identical photos)

chilly craft fair date

no way!! you can be a transgender girl in the new Pokemon game?!

i suppose it's okay if I'm not the hottest woman in the grocery store if it's my girlfriend

robot girl: i wish i were a functional person engineer gf: are you looking for comfort or debugging? robot girl (whirring softly): comfort please

(Showing you some annoying shit that sucks ass) and would you believe a computer made this all by itself?