I was blessed by the 11/11 portal today (nobody else was using the laundry room when I wanted to do laundry)

The ABS light on my car has been coming on sporadically for a couple months/few thousand miles. Kinda figured it was just a loose wire or an old sensor acting up, something low-stakes. Took it to the shop today for other routine stuff and asked them to check it out.

I saw this perfect autumn leaf the other day

The 16th inning commentary about glistening fruit is like the weird secret track hidden behind 15 minutes of silence at the end of a CD.

At the bar of a fancy steak place, the rando next to me asked the bartender for a side of au jus. I mentioned to him that au jus is loaded with electrolytes and good for athletic performance. He bought me one of the nicest glasses of scotch I've ever had and then avoided speaking with me any more.

My caterpillar scarfed down a bunch of leaves for a couple weeks but went into hiding a few days ago. (Power rangers voice) It's pupin' time!

Been a lil out of the baseball loop the last couple seasons, but sure do feel for that Phillies pitcher.

Got pupusas for lunch and forgot that they come with a side of 2-hour nap, and now it's almost time to have supper and then it will be time for bed.

Last night I saw a youth riding a lime scooter with an upside down 5-gallon bucket set up as a seat, like a makeshift moped. Very clever, probably dangerous, very jealous that I had never thought of it.

Ran into a friend who's a bug expert yesterday, told him about the caterpillar that I found and put into a jar with sticks and leaves and such, he got real excited and said "dude, I bet it's totally gonna pupate!"

Moon looks great tonight and when I went out for a walk everyone seemed to be having a nice time.

I think my balcony has become a singles bar for cardinals. I may have just witnessed a young couple get engaged via sunflower seed.

Showed up to brunch with grocery store sushi, a bag of doritos, and a bouquet

I have arrived at this grocery store with good intentions but bad ideas.

The air is fuckin' weird right now.

I think some of the sparrows outside have figured out how to gently bump against my window to get my attention when the bird food is empty.

(hot in here voice): "It's calming down in here, so sit down and relax"

Launched a snot rocket from my balcony and almost hit a dove. Is this an omen?

slept through a storm and the tornado sirens (again)

"Do you ever go home and just lay on the floor for a while?" "Yes! Literally all the time!"

Please enjoy this turtle being given the gift of speed, and immediately using it to chase a kitty

Always happy to help people get the information they need

(Yeah Yeah Yeahs "Maps" voice) NAAAaaaAAA, AAAaaaAAA, AAAaaaAAA, AAAaaaAAAps

On my walk I heard a black capped chickadee in a tree above me. As I got closer, he gradually went from "chicka-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee" to "chicka-dee-dee," and after I passed by and got farther away, he lengthened his call again. TFW you just get absolutely roasted by this round lil cutie:

Existential delivery updates from UPS today

- Sat behind David Cross at Cubs game - Met Vanessa Carlton and didn't realize it was Vanessa Carlton until later - Napped in my friend's guest room while Steve from Blues Clues played music in the other room - Gillian Welch and Dave Rawlings joined our sandlot/pickup baseball game one weekend

This problem has been solved (lit a fancy candle for a little while)

If all goes according to plan I'll be closing two browser tabs later this evening.

There's a smell in my kitchen that I cannot find the source of

Went to a lake today that I had never been to before, walked around for like 8 miles and used my phone's entire battery listening to birds with Merlin. If you need to contact me, plz send a message through the red winged blackbirds.

Bartender forgot to put the orange peel in my old fashioned and said "sorry, I forgot your *~_expresssions_~*" and I was like "no worries, I forget my expressions most days"

Some homers hit harder than others.

Oh, you asked ChatGPT? Well I climbed into a tree late at night and chatted with the stars.

A pope from the Midwest is called an "ope"

GPS needs a function where it waits until after you're singing along with the bridge of the Mariah Carey song before it gives the next direction.

Coworker says that I could "pull off" using a spittoon. Says that if I showed up to the office with a spittoon she would just be like "Whatever, that's fine."

The birds are up to something tonight

Your honor, not only did the landlord neglect to fix the leak in the roof, but the pictures I had to take of said leak ruined the whole vibe of my camera roll.

Yeah I love Sorkin, Sorkin on chili dogs, outside the Tastee Freeze

Happy "Eating-the-Huge-Apple Day" to all who celebrate.

Everyone should just start setting their clocks to whatever time it ~feels~ like

Found a huge apple at the grocery store.

Every day I find Martha just sitting around in a different place, just politely out of the way and not slamming against a light bulb like a doofus.

It's either Party Down, or The Adventures of Pete and Pete.

The chillest moth I've ever seen has been crashing at my place the last few days.

(Nat King Cole voice) ♫♪♪ I'm in the mood for soup ♫♪♪

brown gravy at night, potato's delight white gravy in the morning, fresh biscuits take warning

Looking good up there

"Hey, can I borrow you for a sec" "You can borrow my body or my mind but not both"