For sale: Rubber baby buggy, never bumped.

Spent all afternoon planting in my garden. Now all I’m missing is a senior citizen saying “you’re gonna sleep good tonight!”

Listened to The Downward Spiral - NIN. Some of these lyrics BLEED edgelord Reddit atheism, and Hurt made me panic thinking my headphones were broken again 😵‍💫, but overall it’s pretty fucking good.

French furry artists making a “closed species” to honor their grandparents legacy of making a “closed bloodline”

You could bounce a Granum Crown off of it

Modern PIXAR is the same as modern Simpsons. Elaboration not required.

It’s nice to know that when this fascist empire crumbles away beneath our feet, there will be a soft cushion of inflatable frog costumes and dildos to land on at the bottom.

Hot bitches will put “Suggestive🔞” in their bio, but won’t take the suggestion to shake some ass.

Dating apps suck. I’m finding a wife on 3DS Streetpass.

💃 Philly Cheese is not a hotdog. It’s just a sandwich that happens to come in a bun, but it still is not a sub. 🕺

The left lane is for passoids.

My money goes pretty far in this economy. It travels even further when my wife borrows the car.

I did not WATCH Majora’s Mask randomizers. I sat my white ass down and LISTENED.

Iron Man 1 was full of Burger King product placement. Real Steel was stocked with Dr.Pepper. I think there was a propaganda campaign trying to make everyone really cool.

If we were a real country, you’d be able to order a Baja Blast flavored Celsius with your 𝑫𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒐𝒔 𝒍𝒐𝒄𝒐𝒔 𝒕𝒂𝒄𝒐𝒔.

British people with big cocks at Burger King: "I'm so hung, I could eat a horse."

The Legend of Zelda was inspired by Miyamoto’s childhood of playing Bungie classic - Marathon Infinity.

What kind of things would they do with each other…

We hold these Dr. Pepper truths to be Dr. Pepper evident.

The less popular aspects of #Warframe and how I think they could be improved:

I was already cringe enough being a milk drinker fuck you Gubbermint

Recommend me literally any game to speedrun! I want to do more speedruns this year, but I have no idea what to play! #speedrun

I'm still making stuff on another website btw 👀

They call me Soft Shell, like the taco, or perhaps, the turtle.

Yo momma so short she got stomped by a goomba. Yo momma so fat she collapsed bowsers arena without touching the axe. Yo momma so stupid she asked which aisle she could buy delfino.

It cold

“Wow! I couldn’t have done better if I tried!” <— Looking at something I tried very hard on.

Is it a red flag to stream 10 hours of Warframe in a single day? Don’t care. Will continue to do it.

Hawkway tuah that thanger zone

Moving to the cunty, gonna eat a lot of penis

Called the pharmacy AGAIN for my 9 DAYS past due prescription, and they finally bothered to tell me “not only do we not have your shit, we have no plans of getting your shit.”

“Cock? A dude’ll do.” - Gay Rooster.

Flea scientists telling stories like “I was working on the lab one night.”

I think we should be more concerned about AI having so much training data of home security camera footage that it can accurately mimic it.

It doesn’t matter if it’s my first time visiting Deimos, or the 50th. That part of Warframe is so fantastical that my amazement has never diminished.

“Fascinating…” *flush*

Played Warframe for the first time in 7 months and oh my god why did I stop playing Warframe???

I wanted to write a joke about disappearing butt plugs, but I don’t know if I have it in me.

It took 5 years of scrolling, but for a brief moment, my fyp was entirely cute animals and classic yogscast clips.

Don Quixote goes crazy

Scary lost in a wintery hellscape with @rottingcoffee.bsky.social playin' Nuclear Nightmare! ☢️ #vtuber #clown www.twitch.tv/clownsgohonk...

Clown photographers be like “Now let’s take a serious one.”

“Hope this helps!” I hope you get broiled in a house fire.

Government shutdown right before my flight. TSA is going to cook me in the xray scanner.

Sewing machines will call you stupid in 30 different ways before you even wind the bobbin.

Going to be streaming Kingdom Hearts at the time of the White House broadcast. There’s a good chance I hear “it” while doing a Jiminy Cricket impression.

Your future girlfriend is questioning how to cook a 5lb slab of pork loin for tacos.

If trump dies this week I’m posting thirst traps on main.

Here to remind y'all that I have a Fansly and it just so happens to be 50% off right now (fans.ly/RottingCoffee) #fansly #vtuber #lewdtuber #nsfw #hentai #spicy