What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye matey! @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #puns #jokeoftheday #funny

'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' (Jeremiah 29:11) #Jesus #VerseOfTheDay #God

Today my friend said to me 'I want to ask you a question, and your answer must be quick.' 'Okay,' I said. My friend said '17 + 34 = ?' I said, 'Quick.' @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #lol #dadjokes #dadjoke

Today my wife asked me 'What's on the TV?' I said, 'Dust.' @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #funny #jokes #joke

You are perfect exactly as you are. There is no need to change anything, except the thoughts that you aren't good enough. 🙂 #inspirational #quotes #happiness

Last night my partner and I watched 3 movies back to back. Luckily, I was the one facing the TV. @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #dadjoke #puns #jokeoftheday

Here I am playing 'Everytime' by Britney Spears on the piano. 🙂 www.youtube.com/watch?v=15TA... #Everytime #BritneySpears #keyboard #piano #PianoMusic #music #SongCovers #YouTubeVideo

I always get confused when people say that age is just a number. Clearly it's a word. @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #joke #lol #dadjokes

'Do not be afraid. Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' (Matthew 11:28) #God #Christianity #BibleVerses

Today a policeman came to my door and said he was looking for a man with one eye. I said to him 'If you use both, you'll probably find him a lot quicker.' @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #jokeoftheday #funny #jokes

Today at the grocery store, the cashier said, 'Strip down facing me.' By the time I realized she meant my debit card, it was too late. @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #dadjokes #dadjoke #puns

Be vibrant and positive everywhere you go. Make sure that everyone feels happier after being in your presence. When you send out positive vibes to everyone around you, it makes the world a brighter and happier place. Change the world. Share the joy. 🙂 #ChooseKindness #GoodVibes

Today I cooked a medium rare steak for my friend. After he finished it, he said 'I like it well done.' I said, 'Thanks. That means a lot.' @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #jokes #joke #lol

Here I am playing 'Be Alright' by Dean Lewis on the piano. 🙂 www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULo4... #BeAlright #DeanLewis #keyboard #piano #PianoMusic #music #SongCovers #YouTubeVideo

Some people's noses and feet are built backwards - their feet smell and their noses run. @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #puns #jokeoftheday #funny

'Faith is confidence in what we hope for, and assurance about what we do not see.' (Hebrews 11:1) #BibleVerses #Jesus #VerseOfTheDay

I had no idea that rubbing your feet on the carpet creates static. I was shocked. @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #lol #dadjokes #dadjoke

If my name was David and I had a boy, I would name him Harley; because when he introduces himself, he could say 'I'm Harley, David's son.' @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #funny #jokes #joke

Every struggle in your life has shaped you into the person you are today. Be thankful for the hard times; they can only make you stronger. 🙂 #QuoteOfTheDay #BePositive #InspirationalQuotes

What do you call a hen looking at a lettuce? Chicken Caesar Salad. @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #dadjoke #puns #jokeoftheday

Here I am playing 'Innocence' by Avril Lavigne on the keyboard. 🙂 www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUsw... #Innocence #AvrilLavigne #keyboard #piano #PianoMusic #music #SongCovers #YouTubeVideo

I saw my doctor today and told him I was having problems with my hearing. He said, 'Can you describe the symptoms?' I replied, 'Sure - they're yellow, Homer loves doughnuts and Marge has blue hair.' @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #joke #lol #dadjokes #TheSimpsons

'You are loved more than you will ever know, by someone who died to know you.' (Romans 5:8) #VerseOfTheDay #God #Christianity

How do vegans start their prayers? 'Lettuce pray.' How do vegans greet each other at Church? 'Peas be with you.' @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #jokeoftheday #funny #jokes #vegans

My girlfriend left a note on the fridge saying: 'This isn't working. I'm leaving.' What a liar - I opened the fridge and it's working fine. @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #dadjokes #dadjoke #puns

The world needs more joy, laughter and happiness. If you have the power to make people happy, just do it! You'll be glad you did. 🙂 #ChooseKindness #inspirational #quotes #happiness

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #jokes #joke #lol

Here I am playing 'Heaven' by DJ Sammy on the keyboard. 🙂 www.youtube.com/watch?v=wN6T... #Heaven #DJSammy #keyboard #piano #PianoMusic #music #SongCovers #YouTubeVideo

My girlfriend said that if I buy her one more stupid gift, she would burn it. So I bought her a candle. @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #puns #jokeoftheday #funny

'Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.' (James 1:2-3) #Christianity #BibleVerses #Jesus

I should've known better than to flush my wooden shoes down the toilet. Now it's clogged. @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #lol #dadjokes #dadjoke

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of Coke? He was lucky it was a soft drink. @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #funny #jokes #joke

Pretty much everyone is going through a lot right now. So always remember to be kind. One kind word can change someone's entire day. 🙂 #ChooseKindness #InspirationalQuotes #happy #GoodVibes

My favorite teacher at school was Mr Turtle. Strange name, but he tortoise well. @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #dadjoke #puns #jokeoftheday

Here I am playing 'Eagle's Wings' by Hillsong on the keyboard. 🙂 www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_uG... #EaglesWings #Hillsong #keyboard #piano #PianoMusic #music #SongCovers #YouTubeVideo

I used to work at a bank, but I quit because I lost interest. Then I worked at a hospital, but I quit because I got sick of it. @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #joke #lol #dadjokes

'Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.' (Joshua 1:9) #Jesus #VerseOfTheDay #God

I've always wanted to try juggling, but I just don't have the balls to do it. @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #jokeoftheday #funny #jokes

I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because I'm just not strong enough. I've handed in my Too Weak notice. @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #dadjokes #dadjoke #puns

Some of you don't even realize how much you light up rooms and inspire people just by being yourself. You are literally so magnetic and you don't even realize it. You are amazing! Remember that. 🙂 #CelebrateLife #happiness #QuoteOfTheDay #BePositive

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks. It cost me an arm and a leg! @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #jokes #joke #lol

Here I am playing 'What A Beautiful Name' by Hillsong on the keyboard. 🙂 www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_pu... #WhatABeautifulName #Hillsong #keyboard #piano #PianoMusic #music #SongCovers #YouTubeVideo

I wondered why the tennis ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me. @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #puns #jokeoftheday #funny

'Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.' (Proverbs 3:5-6) #God #Christianity #BibleVerses

I said to my therapist 'I have a fear of the second-last letter of the alphabet.' 'Why?' said the therapist. I replied, 'Don't do that!' @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #lol #dadjokes #dadjoke

I was at a restaurant today and I asked the waiter 'Will my pizza be long?' He replied, 'No sir, it will be round.' @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #funny #jokes #joke

Always believe in yourself. You are braver than you think, more talented than you know, and capable of more than you imagine. 🙂 #CelebrateLife #GoodVibes #inspirational #quotes

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles. @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #dadjoke #puns #jokeoftheday

Here I am getting ketchup and barbecue sauce dumped all over me!! It was so much fun. 🙂 www.youtube.com/watch?v=xkGP... #slimed #gunged #messy #FoodFight #fun #HavingFun #YouTubeVideo

Today my wife and I were stuck in traffic for a long time. Frustrated, I looked at her and said, 'I'm turning round.' She replied, 'I know, so stop eating so many burgers.' @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #joke #lol #dadjokes