Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's ok, he woke up. @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #puns #jokeoftheday #funny

'Always bring out your inner child. Be young at heart everywhere you go. Truly I tell you - you will only be welcome at the kingdom of heaven if you change and become like little children.' (Matthew 18:2-3) #BibleVerses #Jesus #VerseOfTheDay

What do you call a singer who can repair and alter clothing really really quickly? Tailor Swift. @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #lol #dadjokes #dadjoke #TaylorSwift

Never let anyone tell you what you can or cannot do. Just look at Beethoven - everyone told him he would never be a musician, just because he was deaf. But did he listen? @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #funny #jokes #joke

There is currently a lot of heartache and sadness in the world right now. So if you have the power to make people happy, do it! The world needs more of that. 🙂 #ChooseKindness #GoodVibes #inspirational #quotes

I've been thinking about taking up meditation. I figure it's better than sitting around doing nothing. @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #dadjoke #puns #jokeoftheday

Here I am playing 'No Tears Left To Cry' by Ariana Grande on the piano. 🙂 www.youtube.com/watch?v=at5n... #NoTearsLeftToCry #ArianaGrande #keyboard #piano #PianoMusic #music #SongCovers #YouTubeVideo

I was at the bank this morning and I asked a man if he could check my balance. So he pushed me over. @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #joke #lol #dadjokes

'Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done.' (Philippians 4:6) #VerseOfTheDay #God #Christianity

Today my 4 year old son said to me, 'Dad, can you put my shoes on?' I replied, 'No, I don't think they'll fit me.' @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #jokeoftheday #funny #jokes

If you receive an email with the subject line 'Processed Canned Meat' - don't open it. It's spam. @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #dadjokes #dadjoke #puns

Every struggle in your life has shaped you into the person you are today. Be thankful for the hard times; they can only make you stronger. 🙂 #BePositive #InspirationalQuotes #happy

Today my doctor said to me 'You're starting to lose your hearing.' I said, 'Sorry what did you say?' @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #jokes #joke #lol

Here I am getting gooey, sticky custard dumped all over me! It was so much fun. 🙂 www.youtube.com/watch?v=vm0A... #slimed #gunged #messy #FoodFight #fun #HavingFun #YouTubeVideo

My job is so boring - all I do is crush cans all day. It's soda pressing. @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #puns #jokeoftheday #funny

'The Lord hears His people when they call to Him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. He consoles and comforts the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit.' (Psalm 34:17-18) #Christianity #BibleVerses #Jesus

It's so easy to make my daughter's favorite dessert. It's a piece of cake. @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #lol #dadjokes #dadjoke

I hate going to funerals at dawn. I'm just not a mourning person. @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #funny #jokes #joke

Some of you don't even realize how much you light up rooms and inspire people just by being yourself. You are literally so magnetic and you don't even realize it. You are amazing! Remember that. 🙂 #CelebrateLife #quotes #happiness #QuoteOfTheDay

I was at a restaurant today, and the waiter asked me 'Do you want to hear today's special?' I replied, 'Yes please.' The waiter said, 'No worries. Today is special.' @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #dadjoke #puns #jokeoftheday

Here I am singing 'Shake It Off' by Taylor Swift. 🙂 youtube.com/watch?v=B7DG... #ShakeItOff #TaylorSwift #karaoke #singing #music #SongCovers #YouTubeVideo

Humans are actually born with 4 kidneys. When we grow up, 2 of them become adult knees. @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #joke #lol #dadjokes

'So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will take care of itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.' (Matthew 6:34) #Jesus #VerseOfTheDay #God

Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? To get to the bottom! @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #jokeoftheday #funny #jokes

As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, 'You know, one would have been enough.' @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #dadjokes #dadjoke #puns

Be kind, always. 🙂 The truth is, none of us really know how much someone else is hurting. We could be standing right beside someone who is completely broken and have no idea. #ChooseKindness #happy #GoodVibes #inspirational

The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant, so the manager decided to dim sum. @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #jokes #joke #lol

Here I am singing 'Don't Cha' by The Pussycat Dolls. 🙂 www.youtube.com/watch?v=2a8C... #DontCha #ThePussycatDolls #PussycatDolls #karaoke #singing #music #SongCovers #YouTubeVideo

I can ride a bike with the front tire raised off the ground. I'm wheelie good at it. @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #puns #jokeoftheday #funny

'You may have many anxieties and troubles, but the Lord will carry you through them all. He will protect all your bones; not one of them will be broken.' (Psalm 34:19-20) #God #Christianity #BibleVerses

I went to the doctors today, complaining about my sore feet. He said, 'Gout!!' I said, 'But I've only just walked in!' @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #lol #dadjokes #dadjoke

When I was a kid, I wanted to play the guitar really badly. After years of hard work, practice and dedication, I can now play the guitar really badly. @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #funny #jokes #joke

Life is too short to worry about things that don't matter. So have fun. Remember - you don't stop having fun when you get old; you get old when you stop having fun. 🙂 #CelebrateLife #QuoteOfTheDay #BePositive #InspirationalQuotes

Today I got pulled over by a police officer. He said to me 'It seems like you've been drinking. Can you say the alphabet starting with M?' I said, 'Malphabet.' @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #dadjoke #puns #jokeoftheday

Here I am singing 'Barbie Girl' by Aqua. 🙂 www.youtube.com/watch?v=mODF... #BarbieGirl #Aqua #karaoke #singing #music #SongCovers #YouTubeVideo

Why don't tennis players get married? Because love means nothing to them. @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #joke #lol #dadjokes

'Never lose hope; always have faith. Faith will never disappoint you, for nothing is impossible with God.' (Luke 1:37) #BibleVerses #Jesus #VerseOfTheDay

I wish Covid-19 had started in Las Vegas, because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #jokeoftheday #funny #jokes

Today I gave my friend an apple, but she told me she prefers pears. So I gave her another apple. @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #dadjokes #dadjoke #puns

Don't change so that people will like you. Be yourself, and the right people will love the real you. Remember - you're amazing, just the way you are. 🙂 #CelebrateLife #inspirational #quotes #happiness

Today I said to my girlfriend, 'One of my friends says that you sound like an owl.' She said, 'Who?' @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #jokes #joke #lol

Here I am playing 'Die With A Smile' by Lady Gaga & Bruno Mars on the keyboard. 🙂 youtube.com/watch?v=gyOX... #DieWithASmile #LadyGaga #BrunoMars #keyboard #piano #PianoMusic #music #SongCovers #YouTubeVideo

All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up. I think I have Parking Sons Disease. @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #puns #jokeoftheday #funny

'Be kind to one another, be tenderhearted, and forgive one another, as God in Christ forgave you.' (Ephesians 4:32) #VerseOfTheDay #God #Christianity

I finally got rid of that nasty electrical charge I've been carrying. I'm ex-static. @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #lol #dadjokes #dadjoke

Today my friend said to me 'My kid refuses to eat fish. What do you think is a good replacement?' I replied, 'Cats. Cats love fish.' @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #funny #jokes #joke

You are braver than you think, more talented than you know, and capable of more than you imagine. You are amazing! Remember that. 🙂 #CelebrateLife #InspirationalQuotes #happy #GoodVibes

Today my friend said, 'What rhymes with orange' I replied, 'No it doesn't.' @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #dadjoke #puns #jokeoftheday

Here I am playing 'I Don't Believe You' by Pink on the keyboard. 🙂 www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWiN... #IDontBelieveYou #Pink #keyboard #piano #PianoMusic #music #SongCovers #YouTubeVideo

When I moved into my new igloo, my friends threw me a surprise house-warming party. Now I'm homeless. @thefunnytweeter.bsky.social #joke #lol #dadjokes