i mean, a lot of these political “moderates” are just like their parents and if I don’t like your mom I don’t like you im very Abby Lee Miller about it

some of my best work tbh

im always genuinely insulted when I say that I hate someone/thing and someone responds with “hate is a strong word” because why tf do you underestimate my loathing

actually comprehended the lyrics of my fav cozy weather/fall song this year and realized it’s about heroin

one time at work one of the weird tech bros was trying to explain to me how to get bugs off my computer so it wouldn’t be so slow and mid conversation he just descended into a flat split on the break room floor i did not ask him to do that and it was 6am.

idk if we’re talking versions on versions of the same song/album we need to refer to Mariah Carey’s 25th anniversary re-release of Rainbow. That album had 3 versions of Heartbreaker and they all ate. We’re not reflecting on the ancient texts anymore

ever had a nightmare where your teeth fall out and the dream version of you gets a little excited for veneers with a permanent grill embedded

i need these TikTok shop influencers to step it up. I just watched a video of a girl trying to sell me gummies saying “this gummy has more fiber than sugar”. Yes as does most everything else

if i was Taylor Swift I wouldn’t be caught dead admitting that Marty Healy ghosted me…that man is racist af and looks like a victorian child with consumption

i still yearn for summer ‘16

i need that free west African chiropractor treatment (a small child walks up and down my back)

at least every week I think about when Trisha Paytas was fighting for her life online against racist allegations and used her love of rice as defense

Gunna’s post prison glow up has me thinking maybe I should crash out to the maximum maybe it’ll actually be good for me to do time idk

every man should have to experience a simulation of an IUD insertion before going near a woman ever

black women make literally anything look effortlessly good i was just watching that episode of my strange addiction where our good sis was addicted to drinking air freshener and she made that fresh linen febreeze look so refreshing and tasty oml

this ginger man entered himself in a conversation about comic books to talk about how much he hated Garfield so I asked if it’s bc they’re twins and he never spoke to me again. As a misandrist that was truly my one of greatest works of low effort with very high reward

my morning routine always includes what I call Beverly Hills Mom Breakfast (green tea w/ lemon and an assortment of antidepressants and vitamins)

the only benefit of working with white people is that my wig looks crazy today. a mess. I’m giving pleakly in disguise yet it’s compliments all around

Dasani water tastes like how paper smells

what? i don’t have a favorite ex i want them all to spontaneously combust

i need y’all to put the grass powder DOWN i just saw someone using matcha powder to fry chicken. as if the lord doesn’t have a judgement day for us already.

all these cowboy carter Paris clips got my feelings hurt fr

like anna karenina

all this political and social regression and still no quaaludes

whenever my demons get loud I watch videos of ex convicts eating McDonald’s for the first time after years in prison and remind myself that’s it’s truly in my best interest to behave i really don’t want to go 10+ years without a mcchicken

my passion is misandry

the artists who create what we consume are more entangled than you would think

when are we going to be honest and talk about how genuinely cvnty religous robes are the pope was always slaying

Beyoncé is so pretty it makes me genuinely ill

i was born in the late 90’s which means that if im stranded on an island and can only take three things with me im taking three kings hawaiian sweet rolls to eat them all at once and wait to die

Even my reality check bounced

Southern California drinking water tastes like chlorine and otter shit

hey so i like the idea of sending random celebrities with a track record of being terrible to space but let’s renegotiate the bringing them back part

lobotomy please

anyone tryna cry before noon? open.substack.com/pub/localart...

okay so my thumb slipped and i accidentally liked my ex’s 8 month old instagram post but at least im not out here accidentally sending war plans to journalists

my tmj NEVER acted up like this when a democrat was in office

mainstream news is being so suppressed and Wendy Williams, the only true uncensorable news host is awol

i hate birds but i love blimps

i just think if you agree to go on Love Is Blind you have a humiliation kink

owning a tesla is a character flaw

it’s 2011. the Love On Top music video just dropped. Parents are out. You have your broomstick, YouTube slowed down to half speed, any hat your dad had around with a lip on it, and a dream

can someone just hack into the government payroll and adjust their salaries to $7.25/hour

aaaand my complete analysis of the halftime performance and all its symbolism 🎖️ open.substack.com/pub/localart...

I did a breakdown of the rap beef that led to Kendrick’s perfectly feral Super Bowl performance open.substack.com/pub/localart...

Travis Kelce really went from a buzzcut and chains to a Saturday Night Fever fit with a bowl cut

i have ADHD and ive hyperfixated on this golden garlic chicken soup and im wondering how many more days in a row i can consume this meal before i get gout. I am dead serious someone please help

when you escape a cult and end up in the psyche ward and nurses try to talk to you about jesus being the salvation from SSRIs

miss frizzle’s students must have been so stressed all the time imagine going to school (mandatory) every day not knowing if you’re going to outer space or inside your classmates a$$hole. youre like 10 years old.