I wanna hug a cheetah.

*watches footage of Hades 2* Jesus, being bisexual seems EXHAUSTING.

So glad my workspace is equipped with double-decker office cats. 😸😸

All these hump day pics makin’ me wanna go schloup. 🥵

I’m exhausted this morning after having my sleep interrupted no fewer than 7 times last night, due to Franklin being wide awake and trying to literally climb the walls, among other things. Meanwhile, Franklin…

Theodore right now during this evening storm:

I have heard not one but TWO separate people at work use the malapropism “It’s a tale of two stories,” in separate meetings and within a week of one another. I feel like I’m losing my mind.

Happy rapture day, I guess?

If we all agree that we simply don’t want to, do we still have to make Monday a thing this week?

If you see this, post a concert pic you took Phantom Planet Reunion Show June 14, 2012 The Troubadour West Hollywood, CA

Post a female character you love

I can’t think of one good reason why “Don’t Lose My Number,“ by Phil Collins should be stuck in my head all day today from the moment I woke up, yet here we are.

I find it quite ironic (and a little sad) that my Theodore was named “Thunder,” before we brought him home, and thunder happens to be the one thing that my bravest baby is actually afraid of.

I had to eat really quickly between meetings and ended up eating way too much and now my stomach hurts and I’m a little nauseous and I’m in back to back meetings for hours. 🥲

Oh hello again, Sunday scaries. 😬😳

*wakes up before 7AM on a Sunday* *looks in mirror* *researches Botox providers within 25 miles*

Pop Tarts for dinner at 11:30 PM because I am in ✨excellent mental health✨.

using a GIF or vid, share your mood for the weekend 🖤

*me, quietly and to myself as I watch the adorable college boy at the PDQ drive-thru put my order together in a bag* 𝘚𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘦, 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘬, 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦

Grrrrr, baby, very grrrrr! 🤓

Help the HVAC technician at my house right now is a short beardy skinny tattooed emo type and I’m finding the whole thing very distracting.

Went out to quickly grab the mail and ended up pressure washing the whole front walkway why yes I do have untreated ADHD why do you ask?

I should not be working today, I should be laying on a blanket in the shade of a great big tree and listening to the birds sing.

I’m we interrupt this regularly-scheduled DoOm-ScRoLL to bring you a tiny timeline cleanse, courtesy of a purring Franklin.

this is literally what I look like when I’m using the photocopier at my office

Really great work on the hump day posts, folks, truly top-tier stuff. 😮‍💨

This bird with a gotdamn jheri curl been killing me since yesterday.

I’m in an exceptionally weird and needy mood today!

My local Cracker Barrel was remodeled. It’s really nice. Brighter, airier, new booths, it doesn’t smell like feet anymore. I’ve been visiting more often since it was remodeled. Truly the dumbest of times.

HOW TO CHANGE YOUR BED SHEETS (CAT OWNER EDITION) *************** 1. Remove cat from bed 2. Strip dirty sheets from bed 3. Remove cat from bed 4. Stretch fitted sheet across bottom corners of bed 5. Remove cat from bed 6. Stretch fitted sheet across top corners of bed 7. Remove cat from bed

There really is nothing that I enjoy more in this life than clearing out a blocked air conditioning drain line at 1:00 in the morning.

It’s nearly 8 PM and all I’ve consumed today are two large cups of coffee and exactly 6 Italian butter cookies. I am beyond delirious, and I just purchased a fuzzy leopard print cardigan. I can’t help but think that these things are connected. Anyway, why is this Chipotle drive-thru line so long?

How would you even know that a dog is autistic, Jesus fucking Christ.

So challenging when nobody can match your goddamn joie de vivre.

“If you hard, then you hard.” Story of my life.

This week has kind of flown by, but I’m still gonna need this day to wrap up ASAP because I have exactly zero (0) motivation. 😅

If I may say so, the man at the airport restroom urinal adjacent to mine had absolutely no right to whip out such a fat hog when I was already in a *mood*.

Someone appears to want to tag along on my business trip this week.

Drop an old person you're going to turn into in the future

Check out this wild double (triple?!) rainbow situation I saw yesterday in a very scenic strip mall parking lot. 😅🌈

Walked around HomeGoods this afternoon and got some Halloween stuff… and all the while, over the store’s speakers, Christmas music was playing. 🥴

Have you ever had SUCH a good hair day that you’re hesitant to even go to bed because you know there’s no way in hell you’re ever gonna get your hair looking the same way tomorrow?

Making a little Michael’s and World Market run on this rainy Sunday afternoon. ✂️🧵🧶

A cool thing about living next-door to Walt Disney World is that it’s not at all unusual to roll up to a Chipotle at 9 o’clock on a Friday night in August and see a group of college boys wearing lederhosen nonchalantly standing in line waiting to order.

I really do love this quick recipe. The only modifications I make are: I add a pack of soyrizo to the pan to brown alongside the poblanos, & I mash about 1/3 of the beans up before broiling. I regularly make this and serve it with warm tortillas, and eat leftovers as a dip with tortilla chips.

Can you tell I was in a MOOD at the grocery store today? (The “mood” is “stoned and ready for spooky season”)

There is the dumbest, hottest, hairiest-legged college boy at Publix right now, just walking around with a watermelon directly in front of his junk, and when I tell you that my brain has been ruined by online smut…

You guys you guys you guys… I am in the process of finally fully redecorating my loft space (basically a glorified upstairs hallway/bonus room styled as a second living room) and among other things, I have been looking for a plug-in vintage (or vintage-style) swag lamp to hang over the sofa.

When Theodore claims my chair, there’s literally nothing I can do about it. It’s his chair now.