My favorite thing about One Battle After Another is how it aligns the worst holiday with white supremacists.

Waiting for the inevitable Taylor Swift / Morgan Wallen duet.

I’m disappointed that The Life of a Showgirl was not a musical reimagining of the classic 1995 erotic drama Showgirls. #TaylorSwift

Poets: let’s write poems about the moon. Hades II: let’s nuke people with the moon.

@jbradleyamore.bsky.social is coming to Philly— baby's all grown up. Go see!

Me: [Looking at my hair in the mirror] Christ, I need a haircut. My wife: He can’t help with that. Me: Who…oh. My wife: *jazz hands*

Me: [after hearing my wife talk about how parents of intersex kids request surgery to make them the gender they want] Ambiguous Genitalia is my new slam poet name. My wife: You should go back to doing poetry slam and do really cringy poems. Me: I already did that in my 20s.

When my cat rubs his face on things, it’s adorable. When I rub my face on things at a Best Buy, they call the cops.

I stopped writing fiction because I got tired of predicting the future accurately.

I injured my hand from playing video games; better than from jerking off. #poetry #poem #poetrycomics #videogames #senryu #haiku #comics #comedy #aging #middleage #middleaged #doodle #doodling #selflove #jerking #masturbation

It seems like I was running through a lot of your minds because I ran 10 miles today.

DeSantis declared today as “Hulk Hogan Day” in Florida. To celebrate, make sure to do some steroids and be casually racist. Don’t forget to end every sentence with “brother”.

Can’t wait for that inevitable Sydney Sweeney Isotoner ad where she says “hey, my heil’s are up here.”

I tried getting into a threesome with a Sith couple. They refused. The Rule of Two I guess also includes what happens in the bedroom.

My wife: Could you turn on the light? Me: [Turns on the light]. I had to do it this way because the other way wouldn’t have worked. My wife: What other way? Me: [Looking at the light sexually] “You’ve been a very bad light, haven’t you?” My wife: *shakes her head*

Pro-lifers are pro-life until a facehugger uses its proboscis to implant an embryo in them.

I get dirty looks from people when they see me wearing a KN95 mask because they think I’m ICE. I correct them by telling them what masked ICE agents really look like: a walking uncircumcised penis with an American flag foreskin tattoo.

My solo show, How I Learned (NOT) To Drive, comes to Harrisburg Fringe next week. Get your tickets at howilearnednottodrive.com.

The great thing about the Big Beautiful Bill is that we’re going to get an American version of the Diary of Anne Frank.

Ever wanted to sell your body to pay for your healthcare? Thanks to the Big Beautiful Bill, you soon can. Pay your copays by the pound and feed your fellow poors with your flesh. Mmmm Mmmm. Taste that freedom.

Listen up, queers. Pride is over. The only thing you’re allowed to be out and proud about this month is America. I better see you deep throat a glizzy without gagging while a bald eagle watches in a cuck chair made in the USA.

I thought we already had an Alligator Alcatraz in Florida. It’s called Gatorland.

If I was playing a drinking game based on the “um’s” and “utilized” said in this all hands meeting I’m in, I would be as dead as Dylan Thomas.

My 7th grade math teacher, Mrs. Stickler, pulled me aside after class one day. She pointed at my limp wrists and said “you need to work on not walking like that because people might think, y’know?” Jokes on her though because I fucked her husband 27 years later. #pride

Why be scared of Friday the 13th when you can be scared every day. #comic #comics #cartoon #cartooning #doodle #doodling #poetry #senryu #haiku #poetrycomics #maha #rfkjr #cdc #vaccines #vaccinessavelives #covid #covid_19 #pandemic #horror #fridaythe13th

I too would love to be offered enough money to betray my values like CM Punk.

As I’m about to put my mask on to head into a Kroger: Guy: “Smart man wearing a mask. It’s (COVID) coming back around again.” Me: “It never left.” Guy: “That’s real shit right there.”

I’ve been banned for life from Williams Sonoma. I’m disappointed that they turned out to be so vanilla. It’s not my fault that I’m pansexual.

May the Forth be with you or something. #maythe4th #maythefourth #maythe4thbewithyou #maytheforcebewithyou #abortionishealthcare #abortions #abortionaccess #plannedparenthood #starwars #sith

It’s Gonna Be May. #comic #comics #cartoon #cartooning #doodle #doodling #poets #poem #nationalpoetrymonth #poetry #april #may #meme

My love, We celebrated the second day of American Jesus’s stand against his betrayers by playing paintball. I drew the bullet that blessed me to be American Jesus You’ll be proud to know all the shots I made were to the face, unlike the Jesus everyone else in the world celebrates. #tradewarletters

Apparently it’s National Anal Sex Day. However, it feels like that every day under the Trump Administration because we’re all getting fucked.

Based on that Roman Reigns interview, I feel like we might get our first “loser gets kidnapped to a different country” match in the WWE.

White men do extreme sports because it’s the only way they experience existential fear. Everyone else experiences this the old fashioned way: merely existing.

Dearest husband, We watched people get raptured today back to where they belonged. “Why isn’t it happening to us,” our son asked. “Because America is already Heaven,” I said. We celebrated by offering American Jesus spent bullet casings. #tradewar #tradewarletters #vss #project2025

I’m gonna start a charity called Make a Wish but instead of granting wishes, it would grant kids the chance to remake Nine Inch Nails’s “Wish”.

Here’s me doing my best Dom Toretto impression to get you to come see my solo show, How I Learned (NOT) To Drive at @pghfringe March 27-29. Use the link in my bio to get your tickets. #PGHFringe #PGHFringe25 #PittsburghFringe #PittsburghFringe25 #FringeFestivals #Pittsburgh #PittsburghPensylvania

I am doing my solo show tonight for FREE at Breakthrough Theatre. RSVP using this link: www.eventbrite.com/e/how-i-lear... #orlando #winterpark #theatre #soloshow #orlandofringe #fringefestival #oviedo

My love, Our fearless leader offered our squad the right to purchase cars made by his junkmancer. “We must each buy one to make American Jesus proud,” our squad leader said. “But my family will starve,” Private Jones said. Those were his last words. #tradewarletters2025 #vss #tesla

My love, Today, our son came out as wanting to be a bullet. I asked him: “Why not a gun?” “The bullet is how American Jesus was purified on the cross. A gun is just a hammer.” We celebrated his new identity with ice cream and target practice. #tradewarletters2025 #vss #tradewars #canada

Dearest husband, Our son built a diorama of his school to practice destroying ideas he disagrees with. “What will you learn from the ruins,” I asked him. “How to be a winner even when I’m the only one left.” #tradewarletters2025

My love, We infected ourselves today with American Jesus’s latest blessing. He’s asked for a new family because He’s bored and lonely and we always do what He wants. Our throats are raw from all this coughing but we can still say Amen. #tradewarletters2025 #measles #measlesoutbreak

My love, Our son learned the value of betrayal today. He told the police about witnessing a woman stealing a pregnancy test at the dollar store. The police rewarded our son by promising him he can name the child the woman will give birth to in prison. #tradewarletters2025

My love, Our fearless leader calls on us once again to protect American Jesus’s way of life. We burn the buildings that could be infected by Spirit Halloween. We must costume our children as these good Americans: a bullet, a plague, a billionaire #tradewarletters2025

Things that Elon Musk continues to ruin #comics #cartoon #cartooning #doodle #doodling #doge #elonmusk #venndiagram #running #fitness

Super spreader events. #comic #comics #cartoon #cartooning #doodle #doodling #superbowl #superbowllix #eagles #chiefs

#comic #comics #cartoon #cartoons #cartooning #doodle #doodling #diarycomic #diarycomics #valentinesday #love #crush #teencrush

Back to work. #comic #comics #cartoon #cartooning #doodle #doodling #soloshow #theatre #comedy #drama #storytelling #diarycomic #diarycomics

This new Trump administration is really committing to their new motto: “be white, do crimes.” #silkroad #ross

Indolent Books asked me to contribute a new poem to their Second Coming series and I did. www.indolentbooks.com/second-comin... #poem #poetry #TrumpInauguration2025 #Trump2025 #trump #poems