“Y’ALL HAD 9 MONTHS TO FIX THAT AC: BUT Y’ALL CHOSE CRAB LEGS… NOW LOOK WHO BOILIN” 😭🔥💦 1. #ACStoodNoChance #BoilinForCrablegs #SeafoodOverCentralAir #SweatinAndRegrettin #HotterThanTheBoilPot #ShrimpsOverComfort #CrabLegsOrBust #YallChoseTheSteamLife

“Buying groceries with no food stamps should boost yo credit score.”Here you go: #BuyingGroceriesWithNoStamps #GetToastedAndLaugh #AdultingHard #CreditScoreShouldJump #BrokeButTrying #SwipePrayRepeat #LaughThroughTheStruggle

When you're so behind on your bills, that the power company comes and blows out your candles like "bitch we said no lights!" #LightsOutForReal #CandleEviction #BillCollectorSavage #PowerCompanyPetty #NoLightsNoMercy #DebtGotMeInTheDark #EvenMyCandlesGotCutOff

Imagine reading a book with no way to turn back the page… How carefully would you read it? That’s life no rewinds, just lessons. #LiveIntentionally #NoDoOvers #MindfulLiving #LifeIsPrecious #OneShotAtLife #ReadCarefully #MakeItCount #LifeWisdom

If I wrote a book called “How to Fail” and it didn’t sell a single copy… that’s a bestseller in reverse! Mission *un-*accomplished exactly as planned! 💀📉 #HowToFail #FailingWithStyle #BestsellerInReverse #UnintentionalSuccess #EpicFailWin #FlopGoals #MasterOfFailure #FailureExpert

“A baby can drink a bottle and fall asleep and it's called cute but soon as l do it, I'm called a drunk”🤦🏾‍♂️😂😂😂 #DoubleStandards #AdultingIsHard #LetMeNapToo #BottleServiceGoneWrong #WhyCantIBeCute #DrunkButAdorable #NapGoals #IGotMilkToo

“ICE raids in SoCal got more episodes than Law & Order. They out here throwing flashbangs at onlookers like, “Don’t look at us in English or Spanish!”🤦🏾‍♂️ #ICEOrCallOfDuty #RaidsAndRacism #FlashbangFriday #DeportationDrama #SoCalSurvivalGuide

Trump and Elon broke up 💔 apparently, Elon wanted space… and Trump wanted a new planet to ban immigrants from. Now they’re subtweeting each other like exes who shared a Twitter password. 🚀🇺🇸 #MAGAAndMars #ToxicBillionaires #TwitterBreakup #RedHatsAndRedFlags #ElonBlockedMe

🚨BreakingNews:🚨 When ICE officers accidentally lock themselves in a shipping container full of people they’re trying to deport: 😳🚢 “So… anyone got the key, or nah?” 🔑😅 #InstantKarma #LockedUpAbroad #ReverseUnoCard #ContainerChronicles #IceIceBaby

“Some of y’all don’t wanna know the answer, you just like hearin’ yourself interrogate. ‘Where you goin?’ ‘Who wit you?’ ‘What time you leave?’ ‘Why your left sock higher than the right?’ Damn, Detective! I’m just goin’ to get tacos. 💀 #ImNotOnTrial #QuestionnaireEnergy #LetMeBreathe

Stages of listening to a slow talker” 👂🏾 Interested 😐 Concerned 😩 Aging 🧓🏾 Ready for retirement #AintNoIntermission #SpeedItUpCousin #BlackTikTokTiming

“When they walk in your job at 4:59 with paperwork thicker than a Sunday sermon 🙄” #TheAudacity #CloseAt5NotStartAt5 #OfficePTSD

“Y’all remember manners? Cuz coughing without covering your mouth in 2025 is a hate crime.” 🫤🤥🙄 #TheAudacity #AirborneAndAin’tSorry #WeStillInAPandemonium

🗣️ “I said ONE RIB!” Me trying to stretch $7 ’til payday: “Lemme get one wing… no sauce… just vibes.”😂 #BrokeMenuTalk #InflationIsGhetto #OneRibEnergy

“I’m not gonna call him Dad… even if there’s a fire.” “Me refusing to call my manager “sir” just because he wears a blazer. #StepBrothersEnergy #CorporateStepChild

📞 Me calling HR on a Wednesday: “Hi yes, is it legal to work three days in a row without a nap, a margarita, or emotional support?” #HumpDayHysteria #OfficeSurvivor #MidweekMeltdown #HRPleaseHold #WorkweekWoes #EmotionalSupportNeeded

“if they don't let me merge, i'm merging regardless. We can both get new cars”🤬😂💯 #MergeOrCrash #WeBothGettingNewWhips #InsuranceGonHateMe #MyTurnSignalWasManifesting #NoYieldJustDrive

“Do crabs have thighs? Cause I'm tired of the legs... I need the big meat!!” 😂😂 #WhereTheThighMeatAt #CrabLegsAintEnough #ThickCutSeafood #ShellfishStruggles #ClawsOutForThatMeat #CrustaceanCravings

“I DIDNT FART MY ASS BLEW YOU A KISS”😘 💋 #SilentButFlirty #LoveStinks #KissMyGas #BootyBlownAffection #FlatulenceWithFeeling #CupidGotIBS

One Day Ima Risk It All & Ask My Mama Who Tf She Think Dhe Talkin To😳🙄🤣#PrayForMeIfIDo #RespectfullyDisrespectful #MamaGotThemHands #ICantComeToThePhone #LastDayOnEarthVibes #IDiedForAsking

Idk WHO needs to hear this, but u can NOT beat the arrival time on your GPS 😩 #GPSDontLie #YouNotFasterThanSatellites #ChillLeadfoot #ETAIsNotAChallenge #GoogleMapsWinsAgain #StopTryingToRaceAI

“Does anyone ever get bored and turn on Netflix, and decide you're not ready for that kind of commitment. And then grab your phone and watch reels for the next 4 hours.” #NetflixCommitmentIssues #JustOneReelIGuess #4HoursLater #TooTiredToChoose #ScrollingIsLife #BingeWithoutPlot

Maturing is realizing you don’t need fun to have alcohol… sometimes you just need a long week, a broken printer, and a stare into the void. #GrownUpSips #WineWithNoOccasion #VodkaAndVibes #NotDrunkJustDisappointed #CheersToStress #AdulthoodPouredNeat

“If Swearing is considered adult language, why is it called childish behaviour, stay with me now.” #MakeItMakeSense #AdultLanguageChildishBehavior #SwearLikeAGrownUp #StayWithMeNow #Logic404 #CussConfusion

We’re not flakey we’re just exhausted, overbooked, and slightly emotionally unavailable. #TooTiredToTextBack #FriendshipInYour30s #PlansPendingSince2019

#AdultingStruggles #MargaritaTherapy #NetflixAndRegret #SleepLikeAnAdult #ExistentialInsomnia #RelatableHumor #ModernLifeCrisis

I asked my friend to spell “orange.” He said, “The fruit or the color?” I damn near passed out. Then he said, “Is that not a valid question?”🤦🏾‍♂️ 😂 #SpellingTrauma #OrangeCrisis #FruitOrColorChooseYourFighter

“Unless your kid is selling Don Julio get that fundraiser book out my face” #NoMoreFundraisers #IOnlyDonateToTequila #KeepYourCookieDough #UnlessItsDonJulioDontAsk

When you press 1 for English and still need a translator for the translator. “Thank you ford Collin eighty & T” I’m calling customer support, not auditioning for a Dr. Seuss remix! #CustomerServiceFails #LostInTranslation #Press1ForConfusion #CallCenterComedy #SpeechToMessUp #ThankYouFordReal

Critical thinking should be left to A.I. humans out here Googling “Can you survive on vibes?” and citing TikTok as their lawyer. Let the bots do the thinking while y’all keep seasoning chicken with zodiac signs. #LetAIThink #BrainOnVacation #LogicNotFound #ZodiacLawyers #EmotionalSupportRobot 🤖‍⚖️🧠✨📉📱

The government’s shutting down the Department of Education because apparently ignorance is finally getting full federal funding. Why teach kids critical thinking when conspiracy theories are cheaper and come with a YouTube link? #DefundIntelligence #NoChildLeftInformed #ReadingIsForElites

Just another magical day in corporate bliss: a gaslighting file system, a manager coughing like they’re trying out for Patient Zero, and a headache so prompt it deserves a W-2. Just missing a fire drill and someone nuking salmon in the break-room. #CorporateSurvival #BreakroomBiowarfare

The U.S. Army’s planning a parade for its anniversary and Trump’s birthday because nothing says ‘military strength’ like tanks, fireworks, and a 78-year-old man demanding cake shaped like the Constitution he forgot to read! #ArmyParadeMadness #BirthdayBattalion #TankAndCake #StarsStripesAndSprinkles

“They gave me $1,000 to self-deport. Next thing I know, I’m launched out of the country by a giant ACME slingshot, midair with a suitcase in one hand and a burrito in the other. I crash through customs like a Looney Tune character! #SelfDeportationChronicles #LooneyTunesLife #ACMESlingshotExpress

Donald Trump tried to write an autobiography, but every time he got to Chapter 11, the book filed for bankruptcy.😂😂😂😂 #ArtOfTheDebt #BankruptcyBestSeller #FailedBookerPrize #WorstSellerEver #TrumpWroteTheBookOnBankruptcy #CantEvenFinishHisOwnStory #IvankaProofreadThis😂

“Trump’s reopening Alcatraz says it’s the perfect place for ‘exclusive guests only.’ Mar-a-Locka.” #MarALocka #ExclusiveInmatesOnly #AlcatrazResortsAndSentences #NoEscapeClause #PresidentialPenitentiary #LuxuryLockdown

“Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.” #CommonSenseCrisis #TruthHurts #ApplyDaily #ModernWisdom #DeodorantForTheBrain

Work to: buy whiskey 🥃 Drink whiskey 🥃 : to forget work It's my circle of life 🤦🏾‍♂️ #WorkToBuyWhiskey #DrinkWhiskeyToForgetWork #CircleOfLife

@palehorse.bsky.social @anymouse.bsky.social @olegus.bsky.social @michelemuse.bsky.social @hedgewitchz.bsky.social @peacebird.bsky.social @dawson400.bsky.social @erikmarin.bsky.social @helenmaryme.bsky.social @cherylbluewave.bsky.social @justsweetness.bsky.social

When I was growing up, we didn’t have babysitters… God was on duty 😇👀🙏 #DivineDaycare #WatchedByTheBest #NoBabysitterNeeded

No matter how photogenic you are, your ID photo will humble you real quick 📸➡️😵😂 #IDStruggles #MugshotVibes #WhyMe

Them UberEats and DoorDash prices will have you double-checking the kitchen like ‍🍳👀💸 #LetMeCook #TooExpensive #DeliveryRegrets

🤔 💭 Ever been in the car with someone driving like we got extra lives? 🚗💨😳🎮 #MarioKartVibes #SlowDownFam #ExtraLifeWho #JesusTakeTheWheel #RideOrDieLiterally #CantRespawnIRL

I just want someone to hold me the way the IRS is holding my taxes… 😩💸🥺 #IRSbae #TaxSeasonLove #ForeverHolding #RefundRomance #CantLetGo #WhereMyMoneyAt

😁 Now I lay me down to sleep 💤 I pray my taxes hit this week 🙏💸 And if they hit before I wake ⏰ I pray it’s federal, not state 🤞🏽😩 Amen 🙌 #TaxSeason #FederalRefund #Taxes #PrayersUp #TaxTime

Good Morning BlueSky ☀️ 😔 😂I miss when bills had nothing to do with me. #Adulting #BillsOnBills #TakeMeBack #WhySoExpensive #MissBeingAKid #FinancialStruggles

If you riding in my car that lil middle piece is FOR MY ELBOW, NOT YOURS 😭😭

Man, I saw somebody say, “If brain-eating bacteria got in your head, it would starve,” and I ain’t been the same since. Been using it on folks like it’s my personal catchphrase. #BrainOnVacation #IntellectualFamine #RIPToYoThoughts #NoFoodForBacteria

Good Morning BlueSky Random 🤔💭 🎬🔄 Instead of remaking #GreatMovies, they should remake #BadMovies that had #GoodStories but flopped! 🎥🔥 #MovieRemake #Hollywood #DoBetter

Sending prayers and heartfelt condolences to the lives lost in the tragic passenger jet and Army helicopter crash. 💔🙏 May their souls rest in peace, and their loved ones find strength during this difficult time. 🕊️ #GoneTooSoon #RestInPeace #PrayersUp #TragicLoss #HeartfeltCondolences #InOurThoughts