@markreel.bsky.social Happy birthday to one of the greatest men I know. Hope it's a good one mate.

@lafeeverte.bsky.social @oerstonsoells.bsky.social Lunchtime heaven.

World you please, hold, the God damn hammering now.

It's Christmas at the Quint's.

Me: I've dipped my balls in glitter honey. Wife: That's pretty nuts.

Forboding

Police: I'm sorry to inform you but your son burned his school to the ground. Parents: Was it arson? Police: Yes, definitely your son.

6 Jokers. Who's your favourite? 😂

Some things you never grow out of. I still feel like Vin Diesel in Fast & Furious when I'm pushing my trolley round Tesco and come to an empty aisle. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer

Haven't been on much as struck down by the dreaded man flu again. Still feel like shit but some traditions need to be kept so I present....

All together now....

BMW drivers are the best. 😂

Off work today for a fun day of Santa shopping. Maybe one or two less beers would have been a good idea last night. Wish me luck. 😂

Dreamweaver.

First time on a bus since the start of COVID. #backofthebus

Thanks to @markreel.bsky.social for Marvel Midnight Suns which kept me up to 3am this morning. Work was a lot of fun today due to it, but at least I'm finished. Christmas market & Garth Marenghi you say. Don't mind if I do.

Anyone else apologize when they're asked for a lighter and don't have one. It's like saying sorry for not smoking, but I've always done it. 😂

When I type in an email 'as per my previous email' just assume the 'ya fucking prick' is silent.

These Mondays Need Terminated

According to Tesco's lasagne packaging I'm a family of 4.

Reskeet with your best religious meme. The absurdity of this one always tickles me

Just found out it's International Men's Day and told the wife. Her response "seems like a non-event to me".

It's officially her time going by the radio today.

Just watched the Milli Vanilli documentary. I'm old enough to remember the general story from the time, but it was crazy seeing some of the finer details. Really worth a watch.

Few messages to do today so missing the usual Saturday feed at mums. Just dropped the kids off so they'll still see the benefit. Currently jealous of my own children.

Anyone else just waiting for Christmas gifts for their annual underwear replenishment.

Wife has asked for something in silk for Christmas, but knowing my luck this emulsion will be the wrong colour.

Wanted to watch the Origami World Championships this weekend, but I'm not shelling out for it.... Can't believe it's on paper view.

Just checking in on the lunatics and apparently the big issues this week are Gay Nutcrackers & Black Disabled Santas. I almost fell sorry for people who think this is something to be upset by. Almost, then I remember they're just bigoted pricks and move on with my day.

Good morning folks. Have a fabulous Friday and remember, the cream always rises to the top.

I assume we're all agreed that George Santos will just run for election as Kitara Ravache now.

Girlfriend: I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. We should split up. Me: Good idea. We can cover more ground that way.

When's there insurrection, at the capitol. Who ya gonna blame....

When's there insurrection, at the capitol. Who ya gonna blame....

Someone better stop adding days to this week. I know it was supposed to be Friday today. Sneaky bastard.

open.spotify.com/track/44tvPi... Why am I only discovering this. Shakin' Stevens is cool now. Actually a pretty good tune.

Wife, sofa, booze, music. Good times.

Police Officer: Sarcasm won't get you anywhere son. Me: Well it got me to the final of the Sarcasm World Cup in Sweden back in '94. Police Officer: Really? Me: No

I like to strip as I walk up a mountain. I call it a Magic Hike.

@markreel.bsky.social found your Christmas gift. 😂

Good morning folks. So the kids left this cute little picture on my desk before going to school this morning. Good to know when they think of me, they think of baldness & farts. 😂

Well said Caroline. 👏👏👏

Waiter: How did you find your steak sir? Me: It was easy, I just looked on the plate, and there it was.

Is it just me or is it easier and faster to say 'world wide web' than 'www'?

Remember all those people telling low income families they could batch cook food to cope with the cost of living? 2 million UK households have been forced to unplug the fridge to cope with rising bills; figures from the Joseph Rowntree Foundation. www.theguardian.com/business/202...

I've made a webpage for people with repetitive eye strain.... It's a site for sore eyes.

I have both shaken and vacuumed, but I feel none the fresher.

Revenge is mine. How'd ya like it ya big toothy bastard. 😂

*calls hotel front desk Me: I'd like a wake-up call please. Front desk: Of course Captain. Everyone thinks you're a c@#t.