That band does WHAT to pumpkins?

Pspsps, c’mere little fella. *holding a comically large mallet behind my back.*

Tom is short for tomato.

Vegeta VS Kakarot AMV but it’s me eating an entire watermelon.

*in youth pastor voice* “Speaking of He who walked Among Us, lemme tell yall about the greatest sus of all. Jesus.” #veggietales

She salt on my pickle til I brine.

Cauliflower wings violate the Geneva convention.

People for the ethical treatment of Vegetables.

Vegetable fact of the day: The supreme corn ruled that tomatoes are vegetables for tax purposes. They are still a disappointment.

Vegetable fact of the day: Carrots and potatoes are from the same family. A poor one.

My dad beets me.

Vegetable fact of the day: Brussels Sprouts are actually from Belgium. Guess where Belgian waffles are from?

In Spain, Spanish country music is just called country music.

Popped a blood vessel thinking about vegans.

Vegetable fact of the day: Carrots were originally purple until big farma got their hands on them and ruined everything.

Sometimes I sit in the bathtub and pretend to be an alligator waiting to pounce on a gazelle getting water. 🐊

Cucumber? I barely know her.

Vegetable fact of the day: corn comes in many different shapes and sizes! The best corn is on the cob because you can use it as a club to bludgeon your enemies.

He’s in your dms, I’m in your walls eating your asbestos. We are not the same.

I don’t carrot all anymore.

Vegetable fact of the day: a tomato is not a vegetable, it is a disappointment.

Isn’t couscous that emperor whose groove was thrown off?

Rage room but it’s just me handing you a bat and pointing at the side of my head.

Heck

I'm going to do it. I'm going to say a cuss word.

Vegetable fact of the day: Leek Harvey Oswald didn’t actually shoot John F. Corneddy, his head just did that.

Skipping my apple today. The hat man has had it too good for too long.

You know what they say: an apple a day keeps the hat man from appearing in your dreams.

Yeah, it's a bean fryer. How else do you refry your beans?

Maybe the Vegetals don’t go to hell. Maybe they’re the only ones that go to heaven.