People 25 and younger, who convinced you that quitting via text, effective immediately, was anything besides a hallmark of douchey unprofessional behavior? Asking for a friend who’s a restaurant general manager.

#protip If you insist that your server is lying & served you the more expensive bottle, even though they presented it to confirm before serving, don’t think for a minute that telling me to go fuck myself is going to advance your case. See that big man over there? Security. He lives for this shit.

I just had to tell one of my servers if she doesn’t stop being a fan & start being a server, I’ll send her home in the next minute. Then I had to explain that everyone gets treated the same here, whether they’re an out of town family or a platinum selling artist.

All you can eat dim sum brunch at Ni Hao in Canton.

Seen in Canton in Baltimore. I wholly agree with picture 1. Not quite so sure that picture 2, the second half of the restaurant’s sign, fits.

Saw this in my neighborhood. Gas prices weren’t this crazy under Sleepy Joe!

The chefs spruced up the ceviche. Baby scallops, aguachile, avocado, lime, cilantro, & chili threads. Tajín dusted tortilla chips.

Not my first time saying this, & God knows, I was probably guilty of doing the same thing once upon a time, but it’s always funny how the number of employees calling out directly correlates with how nice a day it is.

It isn’t just red states. I have “what to do in case of ICE in the restaurant” posted here. All of my immigrant employees have legal status, but since last summer, when they leave you can tell that some nervous about going on a bus or subway to home. www.rawstory.com/texas-ice-26...

Part of what kills me about some younger people who dine out nowadays is the sheer entitlement. No, we aren’t haggling over prices. No, your entrees didn’t take an hour to reach the table. No, we aren’t ruining your special occasion by not allowing you to use a selfie light.

I know this isn’t HR friendly, but I told one of my servers if he didn’t move faster, I’d kick his ass so hard he’d taste shoe polish. Dear reader, he moved. Because size 11 motivation is a thing.

What do Kalshi & Polymarket say about the odds of Leo XIV calling for a crusade against the U.S.? I almost want to see Swiss Guards in armored popemobiles doing a thunder run down the BW Parkway from the Baltimore Basilica to the White House.

I even said this before Covid, but I don’t love the restaurant biz anymore. I like it, and I appreciate the career I’ve had, but do I love it like I did from 96 till about 19? Sort of. Do I still get that dopamine hit from a smoothly run dinner service like when I was a cub manager? Meh.

Gen X screed alert: what is it about people in their 20s who suddenly become sick if you schedule them for more than 3-4 days per week? Asking for a friend who’s a restaurant general manager.

I think we can all agree that, based on his recent track record, Vance should really stump for more candidates for high office.

At the supermarket with Miss Kim, walking through the pasta aisle. Miss: Appa, what’s the big deal about Chef Boyardee? Me: it tastes like my childhood. That with artificial Kraft Parmesan. Want to try the spaghetti with meatballs? Miss: sure Me: just don’t tell Omma

I’ve become accustomed to our purported president’s strategic idiocy & less than zero knowledge of how things work, but how the actual fuck is the USN supposed to blockade a blockade?

The Smithereens should have been a wildly popular band through the 80s & 90s, given their vivid songwriting & mind blowing musical talent, especially Jimmy Babjak on guitar. It’s a crying shame that today’s hipsters, in their perpetual quest for “retro” music, haven’t discovered them anew.

#Protip if you’re unhappy with your table, just say so, we’re happy to move you if & whenever we can. But histrionics won’t help your case. Not here & not with me.

Lmao, recruiters with cold-call emails! What in my background, pray tell, says I’d be a great fit for GM of a Buffalo Wild Wings?

Happy surrender of traitors day, to those of you who celebrate.

We think they turned out ok.

I was making cheesecakes with Miss Kim & sprayed Goodie so he wouldn’t be a menace in the kitchen. Me: now you’re ok with me spraying him? What happened to “don’t do that to my baby?” Miss: that was until he pissed me off today

Cutting it a little close with these updated TACO deadlines, Kim Don Un. What is it with you & 2 week increments?

In 2 hours & 17 minutes, am I going to hear air raid sirens in Manhattan? Asking for 9 million New Yorkers.

Goodbye, World Cup watch parties for potentially hundreds of tourists per match on my patio. For purported business people, they really seem to like when businesses post declining YOY revenue.

A recent phenomenon that I still can’t wrap my head around is a a party of 4 “influencers,” whatever that is, each live-streaming their dinner, because I guess their followers want to watch them chew?

15 hours yesterday into early this morning. *Only* 8.5 hours today, so that’s a win. I earned this pint. Sláinte!

What is it about today’s holiday that screams “let’s go to Dan’s restaurant for happy hour,” even though we’ve been telling people for weeks that there’s no happy hour today?

I’ve found myself in a suburban NJ mall with my mom & my kids so she can buy them summer clothing. I’ve also reached an age where my teenage daughter wants - correction, needs - to offer her opinion before I buy clothes. Send whiskey and/or Motrin.

To: Appa From: Goodie I don’t give 1/2 of 1/5 of a shit that you need to finish your agenda for tomorrow’s managers meeting. I require pets. And treats. And none of that crunchy shit. I’m talking human food. I eagerly await your reply while cuddling on your shoulder & making it impossible to work.

I was today years old when I realized that Kid Rock, not Putin or SVR chief Narishkin, could cause the U.S. Army Chief of Staff to be fired.

Navy people, whom can I contact at USNA for a campus visit for Junior prior to graduation? TIA.

I watched snippets of Assolini’s speech & feel dumber for having done that. If his staff gave a shit about the senile old man whose presence in office is the only thing giving them power, they would keep him away from any & all microphones.

Hello there 🙋🏻‍♂️ I’m the son of immigrants & benefited from birthright citizenship. It’s fair to say I’ve contributed meaningfully to society even though my parents didn’t hail from a Western European country, like the GOP would prefer. That is all.

Me to the servers during the pre-shift briefing: what’s my motto during busy dinners, guys? In unison: “Fuck you, pay me!”

Anyone north of the St Lawrence willing to claim a middle aged New Yorker as their kin? Asking for a friend.

The almost nihilistic drop in civility & deportment among restaurant guests since Covid has turned all segments of my industry, except possibly Michelin-starred luxury dining, into a daily slog. This led to many young people avoiding hospitality as a career & a marked talent deficit.

Ah, yes. I remember reading about the “just take the oil” strategy in college. Was it Kennan? Fall? Keohane? I forget. Had to be one of those august scholars.

Got damn.

At the supermarket, both of us waiting at the deli counter. Him: yaw not from around heeya, aw ya? Me (shields up): actually, I am, I was born here in NY Him: naw, you sound like you’re from the South or something Me, silently & relieved: at least I don’t sound like I was an extra in The Sopranos

People who take small children to restaurants, I’m begging you, with tears in my eyes, to understand: your kids count towards the total number of guests at the table. I can’t just shit you a table for 10 when your original reservation was for 6, & now you remember you need 4 high chairs.

Them: we heard you have happy hour Me: we do, but it ends at 6:30 Them: oh Manager behind me, sotto voce: tell them Applebee’s is a few blocks away

Our director of security when I was F&B director, a retired NYPD two star chief, had most of our senior leaders worried about not having Narcan handy in the first aid kits. I liked him, still do, but there wasn’t a single anti-Democrat police union talking point he wouldn’t parrot unbidden.

Live your life so that your asshole doesn’t pucker at the news that your CEO is flying into town tonight & will most likely dine at your restaurant multiple times between now & Saturday.

Miss Kim in a text: Appa, I need help with an Excel sheet. Me to @drjchernov.bsky.social: decades of working with Excel have finally led to this moment!

Mayhaps someday we’ll allow guests to use those horribly bright & intrusive selfie lights in our restaurant while they livestream their dinner.

Me, to one of my managers just now: that busser resets tables like old people fuck. Help him find at least 2nd gear or I’ll either transfer him to dish or promote him to guest.

Then: DAVID! So good to see you again! Me, internally: wrong name, & I’ve never met you, but your concierge did tell you to ask for me