Bought my first pair of readers today. Your boy is officially old. (And in true old man fashion, I bought a five-pack so I can stash them all around the house.)

Vaccines are pretty neat

PLAY FREE BIRD

2026 basically

6’s Varsity takes the gold, 6’s JV takes the silver, and 6’s team chaplain takes the bronze.

Crazy stat line. This kid is gonna be a monster.

Reminder, here is how Skeleton is scored: - the bones are their money - so are the worms - the bones equal dollars - they will pull your hair up but not out - all they want is another chance at life

I got to watch John Schneider make out with his wife today. Good day… I think?

I’m not a “the announcers are biased against my team,” but these ESPN announcers are openly masturbating over Gonzaga.

Damn, gotta be a blow to Stanford to lose him to a conference rival.

I go back to Twitter every couple weeks, just to make sure my account hasn’t been hijacked or anything. Stumbled across this lovely message about Bad Bunny and decided to report it. Consider me shocked that Elon and friends are OK with it.

Starting OL for a Super Bowl champion

My other kid is decidedly not a football fan

what a shot

White grandpa seeing two guys grind on each other on a F-100

Oh god, my man would’ve LOVED bluesky

Still trying to teach my kid about sportsmanship.

VOTE OR DIE

Jessie Diggins, Olympic cross-country skiing gold medalist, from the Twin Cities: “I want to make sure you know who I’m racing for…”

TURBOOO!!!

O’Hara was incredible forever, on SCTV, the Christopher Guest movies, Beetlejuice, Home Alone, etc. But she didn’t become as famous as her talent warranted until her 60s. Suddenly it was like everyone caught up to her, and she could’ve worked forever. To have her taken away at this moment? No.

It’s maybe the 5,000th-funniest thing she’s ever done, but the way she has her nametag on her skin in this scene absolutely kills me every time.

WE MADE IT SEATTLE!

The safest thing for any American civilian to do at this point is to assume that every ICE or CBP agent you encounter is a pardoned violent January 6 insurrectionist with demonstrated homicidal urges toward those they disagree with politically and choose your actions accordingly.

LET’S CAP OFF THE SEASON WITH DOINK COMPILATION ONE DOINKING MOMENT FOR 2025

Cancel Culture is real

pretty sure he meant the other thing, grok, but very cool that those are your two things

So glad The Pitt is back ❤️

I don’t take out my camera in the men’s room THAT often, but sometimes it’s necessary

Remember, students: Brevity is the soul of wit.

Since their 27-0 2Q lead against the Jags in 2023, the Chargers have scored a total of 18 points in their past 10 postseason quarters.

Froze my ass off at the Iowa City anti-ICE rally, but it was worth it

I walked into a brewery full of Green Bay fans when it was 21-6 Packers. I’ve now been blamed for their loss.

Nobody has ever looked cooler while wearing Roos

Oregon should probably avoid any future games in Atlanta.

Oh man, the front of the car is somewhat adjacent to the agent. Better start shooting!

When the judge issues a last-minute injunction to stop Dad’s project.

almost perfect clock management from Mario Cristobal. in the CFP semifinal

Filled out an all-star ballot for the first time in years today. I feel pretty good about my choices.

Here's the ICE agent "defending himself" by shooting into the driver's side window of a car that's pulling *away* from him. Put this photo on the front page of every newspaper in America.

The irony of UW chuds crying about loyalty and apparently only now realizing how fucked this sport is…

I, too, expect to get my political commentary from Jay Glazer and Terry Bradshaw. I am not a moron.

this is your mission. our pedophile president needs you to jump out of a helicopter to kidnap a head of state and his wife so some oil ceos can make a lot of money. we’ll be watching from a resort in florida that still serves wedge salad and checking how many retweets we get. good luck soldier

When you find out your dad finally gets to tear down the teen community center and build his luxury condos