I posted this simultaneously on Threads and here. Did numbers over there. Reinforcing my theory that stuff can still pop from smaller accounts but it takes a hell of a lot of luck, and there’s little rhyme or reason to it.

Tim Apple, if you love the MacBook Neo so much why don’t you EAT IT ON CAMERA?!?

I DEMAND THE CEOS OF EVERY COMPANY MAKE A VIDEO EATING THEIR PRODUCT IMMEDIATELY.

I wish Daleks looked like this.

My nickname in college was “Mister T.” Unfortunately that was just short for Mister Sleepytime Tea. Thank you I’m here all week.

If I’m being completely honest, death seems preferable to drinking milk in a hot tub with Kid Rock and RFK Jr.

Wake up babe, I finally figured out what skibidi toilet means. www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-ne...

One thing I love about Zoe Saldaña is how hyped she gets about iPhone and T-Mobile bundles.

I mean what do you even do when the people who are supposed to behave like grown ups are incapable of being anything but immature assholes? There’s no other way to frame this than they are just being gross and shitty. I assume the media will largely continue to normalize it.

Working on her worst collab yet!

Maybe putting a normal slow-mo cam on a boom and calling it a “glambot” is sort of setting everyone up for trouble. That kind of thing would be like catnip to entitled guys with Kenny G hair.

Ministry of Plenty has upped the ration of “one other thing” to zero grams!

As a long time obnoxious Apple fan boy I gotta say that the launch of Creator Studio is possibly the most flaccid, uninspired product launch I’ve seen. It’s like they knew this was moving to a worse model and acted accordingly. Sad beans.

My favorite part of the first episode of TheTraitors is when all the players meet each other and this overwhelming feeling that everyone knows that THEY THEMSELVES are reasonably well known yet nobody knows each other (except the Housewives and the Survivors always know each other).

New year new me? No way. New year, considerably worse and more insufferable me.

Why’s my follower count still so low? Probably because I don’t post enough thirst traps and probably also because I consider this a thirst trap.

2026 has an amazing opportunity to break the cycle of violence from the last handful of years. Manifesting.

…and Tiny Tim who DID NOT DIE went on to do the Humpty Dance, for that’s his chance to do the Hump.

Okay but the Grinch was kind of right about this. It’s a BIT fukkin much.

It doesn’t really matter because he’s going to start saying 10 bazillion percent because his brain is rotting like cottage cheese on a sidewalk in July.

Instead of using exalting terms like “global elite,” maybe we should just switch to calling them “rich assholes.” Just something to consider.

“B2 or not B2, is that the question?” - Bill Shakespeare, working front desk at an elevator company when a client is debating having a multi layer sub-basement.

If your heart isn’t already breaking for the way this administration attacks the most vulnerable among us, check out today’s Daily.

I’m somewhat regretting daring the algorithm to persistently attempt to surpass itself in presenting disturbing content.

My Monday morning news feed used to be “here’s what happened in the world while you slept,” and now it’s “Here’s the kooky SNL cold open you missed a couple nights ago.” I wonder why we are so poorly informed.

An enlarged prostate is no laughing matter. Unless you’re juggling them.

YouTube is particularly great for people who like to watch Superstore asynchronously.

This is why we can't have nice things. apple.news/ANxiNTajCQme...

We’re all a big family here? Oh that’s interesting. I don’t remember letting thousands of my family members go so we can be operationally leaner as a family. But sure.

When we were all working from home I lost zero productivity during the week riding the slowest elevators on earth trying to find a floor with a men’s room that wasn’t closed for cleaning. Didn’t even happen once. But now, thanks to RTO I must be losing a couple hours a week to it. Very cool!

Coworker: [looks me up and down] So, who are you supposed to be dressed as? Me: Oh, no. I’m always like this.

🎼 I was jorking in the goon cave late one night when my eyes beheld a spooky sight. The Monster I was boofing began to spill and suddenly to no one’s thrill I pooped my pants. And did the safety dance…. 🎶 🎵 🎃

Do you even work in tech if you aren’t occasionally eating sad drive-thru lunch in your car?

I can only assume that someone who has done so much TV would be aware of optics. So it’s pretty clear the point of this is to rattle and distract. And it’s working. Insanely demoralizing stuff.

Am I misremembering or on early seasons of Halloween Baking Championship contestants would make like nice looking but Halloween themed treats? This season everything is so gross. The main bakes, the judge costumes, gross gross gross. It’s insane that this is on a food channel.

Me: okay I’m going to close the bathroom door for some privacy. My cat: TF you are.

Aside from being familiar with the name and knowing it’s an internet person of some sort. I didn’t know anything about Hassan Piker (sp?) a couple days ago. Now I know ONE thing about him. And it’s not great.

Allow me to translate: “Here’s the deal, fuck the poor. We do not care about our rural base who will vote for us no matter how atrociously we treat them. We work for billionaires. Full stop.”

What really drives me crazy is Bad Bunny is quite literally a representation of the American Dream. Dude realized it and hustled to be one of the biggest in the world. That the perpetually outraged right can’t/won’t recognize that is stunning and gross.

If anyone can give farmers access to international markets its the guy who closed off access to international markets

Although he’s pretty close to the time-eating meatball monster from the Langoliers TV movie.

“They want to give free health care to illegal immigrants” is the new “they have litter boxes in the school bathrooms” and “they’re eating the dogs and cats.” In other words a lie the right perpetuates for rage clicks. Don’t fall for it folks.

Kind of amazing that the Infinity Castle doesn’t even seem to have one infinity pool. Real missed opportunity there, Muzan.

I want what they have.

As far as many people are concerned this is the text of the First Amendment

Hitting the ol’ “that’s enough internet for me today” pretty early on a Thursday.

A Legionnaire at the 1975 Philly Convention:

A few weeks ago I had given away my still mostly-functional 2019 27" iMac. I was living that iOS-only life. Adrift. Now I'm surrounded by three displays running macOS 26 Tahoe on my M4 mini. You simply cannot ignore the computational glow up.

So how much longer are we going to pretend that this isn’t exactly what it looks like it is? And you know damn well what I mean.

Went to see Demon Slayer Infinity Castle this weekend. That castle is nuts. Imagine how much it must cost to air condition that place. I guess Muzan got it like that.