My actions in particular should be exempt from consequences

Green flag moment tbh

The driver behind you after you use your blinker and turn into your own driveway

What it feels like to be on the balcony at the punk show

Yeah, more like 28 inches later

This chatgpt query could have been a google search

Look at this crew!

And this is coming from the guy who really got drone strikes down to an art

Kendrick can say what he wants but I think if he woke up and his dick really was as big as the Eiffel Tower he would be really scared

Would you still love me if I was a homunculus?

There's something about clicking "leave meeting" before the "host has ended the meeting" popup shows up that feels a bit like a power move

People in red states will be like "yeah, I'm a rebel" and then arrange themselves in rows and do the same exact dance as everyone else in the room #linedancing

Is it just me, or have devices been taking longer to charge recently?

on one side: piña coladas, health food, yoga, champagne. all controllable variables. on the other, "getting caught in the rain," which you can't fairly do on purpose. by definition an inconvenience. this is the only one on the narrator's list I buy; as a kink it rings true. the rest is obfuscation

i wish there were one of these 💯 but only 60 or 70. sometimes a thing’s only kinda true

Looking at the eggs when it isn't pay day

> LiBeRaLs cAlL aNyOnE tHeY dIsAgReE wItH a NaZi > people critical of an unelected billionaire having unfettered access to the government have DOGE derangement syndrome

Gearing up for rat summer

Elon pitching DOGE to Trump

"Why I should refer to someone by their preferred pronouns?" "Btw it's called the Gulf of America"

people will speak about a game they played as a kid with the same reverence that they might a great song or novel, about how it engrossed them totally and completely. They may even tear up talking about it. and then you ask what game it was and it was Spongebob battle for bikini bottom

My art holdings can't be destroyed cause they're links to jpegs The blockchain might be destroying the environment, but at least the environment can't destroy the blockchain Checkmate, liberals

Backrooms and backshots?

there should be an emoji for caves

Neil Hamburger is just cishet John Waters

American lawmakers realizing other Chinese social media apps exist

Texting from the leg curl machine feels like

I think the fact that people accepted an uncritical reality show recreation of squid game means that squid game probably didn’t have very resilient anti-authoritarian or anti-capitalist philosophies in the first place

Time is a flat circle

If Luigi was British

Pro Israel politicians when a CEO gets got

I know Santa wishes he could unsee that

I know Santa enjoyed seeing what I just did

But God forbid they wear a mask

sometimes coming up with an excuse to not fold laundry right away can take longer than actually folding the laundry this is the sort of work ethic that keeps my enemies on their toes

If Twitter is where we all pretended to be alt right, does that make this the place where we pretend to be all right?

Who else remembers when Gov Walz made couch fucking jokes at his rally but then spent the entire debate like

going to mcdonals with a backpack full of fake pokemon cards in hopes of finally being noticed

open world games taught me that I’d rather pick flowers for 80 hours than finish anything important.