(A document finds its way into @rivaltrainer.bsky.social's mailbox, carefully bound in brown paper and signed with a flourish of crimson ink. "You win," it reads.)

That being said… Injuries do happen. And challengers and Pokémon who succumb to our strength in the Elite Four are attended by League appointed medics.

Once challengers have garnered the 8 badges and have passed the trials pertaining to each, it is confirmation that they, and their Pokémon, are not obliterated at the Elite level. The Champion and Chairperson oversee and audit the process.

This is why you Leaders in the principal Gym 8 placements who are immensely talented and could easily (at times) best the most skillful Elite Four members. They have honed their craft to the point where they are trusted to stand as the final judge distinguishing amateur and ace trainers.

The Gym Leaders have a unique and often misunderstood role. They are there to test you as a rising trainer. Their teams are modulated and they are meant to be milestones in a trainer’s journey. Through measuring when losses or successes are deserved, Gym Leaders are passing or failing challengers.

An interesting question I, as well as my Elite colleagues receive is “how do you avoid serious injury to challengers’ Pokémon as elite trainers who do not hold back?” You have to understand the structure of a traditional standardized 8-badge/4-elite Pokémon League.

How is your wrist?

And ARIANA joins the party! It's about time, I was tired of punching down on your helpless colleagues!

"LiKe YoUr SiStEr" DAISY would cut your dick off and fry it if you set foot in PALLET TOWN. I let it slide when you mentioned RED, but mention DAISY one more time and see what happens, you lavender, long-faced broke bitch. You're going to have to pick your teeth out the tall grass like PROTON.

Nobody in this world is dumber than a broke bitch who thinks he runs shit with his team of rats and bats. Now, drop to your knees and apologize to PROF. OAK before I have you walking funny back to your base so you can cosplay as bitches nobody's ever heard of.

"OH HELL NAH—"

Fuck a POKéMON battle, I don't care about the "prize money" I'll get from your poor parch pockets. Seeing my PIDGEOT is already giving your broke ass a taste of something you'll never be able to afford.

can't stand a man* who doesn't stand by his convictions or die trying.

Nah. Resume.

If you're jealous, I'll kiss you with this same mouth once I'm done beating the brakes off you, ROCKET. Don't worry, I'll only give you the tip—it's more than a dupe like you deserves, anyway.

It means that, just like your GRUNTs, you'll be riding this dick like a KENTAUROS.

There we are. Now, why don't you come here and try to lay one of those flimsy fingers on me and I'll let you feel the difference in our power for yourself.

Your wish is my command. Expect both within exactly 3 hours.

PETREL, where are you? You can't go off and hide because I beat up PROTON.

Want the toxicology report too?

Not only does PROTON not have an ass, he's also got no hands.

Your BOSS was, too—then 2,407 cubic metres per second quickly humbled him.

ARCHER, you better include me by name in your haiku. Here's the exact kanji with which to spell my name: ブルー.

@dracooutrage.bsky.social, I need access to the JOHTO Medical Examiner's Office. Records from 2009 should suffice.

Want me to mail you a copy of the autopsy? So you know exactly what to emulate, you 32-bit clone of the last ROCKET who could actually run shit?

No, seriously, you should throw yourself into TOHJO like GIOVANNI. You found a way to keep the lights on without him, they'll keep the lights on without you.

If you take it there, I'm taking it further.

That sucks. Your body thumping to the dirt after the branch breaks would leave a greater impact on the world than anything TEAM ROCKET has done in decades.

There's this lovely forest not too far from JOHTO's borders you should make a one-way trip to, ARCHER.

My GYM TRAINERs really appreciate not having to work for five days, as well as being compensated for it. Thanks, LANCE. You're the best. 🥰

I like to believe I've mellowed out with age, but every time I see LANCE, I can't shake the feeling I need to mess with him.

Sometimes I think about how I could really send LANCE back to the ELITE FOUR if I wanted. I wouldn't turn WILL into a GYM LEADER, though.

hot take but specializing in a specific type and deciding to hate on any type yours is weak to feels very straight-coded

LANCE, why would you put PROTON's shitty thirst trap on my feed?

He still hasn't taken the posts down.

Let's do this, then. Just… No excuses for what happens next, okay?

Whether this is worth it, if this is a fight you want to take, what other options are available to you, that sort of stuff.

I'm not going to make the first move. I think both you and PETREL should give this some thought before you start swinging.

You should attend anger management. You're really not going to like the result if you actually make an attempt on a GYM LEADER's life.

Anyway, I'm obviously rooting for LANCE in the WORLD TOURNAMENT.

… … … … … I'm not going to let this get to me. RED can handle his own problems in the same way I can handle my own.

Each morning, I wake up for a long and prosperous day of stirring the pot and poking the RINGUMA.

@karen.pokenavs.net, are you seeing this?

I saw that, LANCE!

Oh my god hahaha.

… … … Is LANCE fucking TEAM ROCKET.

I haven't been awarding EARTHBADGEs as often, lately. That's because people don't understand the value of setting up. They go all in on offense and are surprised when their ostensibly super-effective moves are doing minimal damage.

He's still on this.

When I was a kid, we called that "trolling".

He's sooo mad. <3