Me, a woman, simply expressing my opinion in a meeting that contradicts a man’s opinion: 👩🏻‍🦰 The man, not listening to a word I say:

I probably should have seen this one coming.

🎶 A single mom who works two jobs, who loves her kids and never stops 🎶

They really stay running up and down those white hallways in Severance

Listen, I’ve heard what I’ve needed to hear and I’m sick of it.

Oh no.

If a1 was really that great, tech companies would be charging us to use it, not shoving it down our throats. In this essay, I will…

My neighbor’s grandkids are having a dance party in the backyard to Chappell Roan & One Direction and I can just hear all the little girls hyping each other up and honestly, it’s good to remember there’s still joy going on.

Opening Bluesky this morning to everyone’s cat photos like

this is a cat check point; relinquish your most recent cat picture on your phone

Can we talk about how insanely jealous I am of my nephew’s eyelashes??

That tracks

My son turns 9 today. Please clap.

I’m having stress related hair loss. Can I sue the government?

Oh, they’re gonna start spiraling, aren’t they?

Not THE Josh Mankiewicz liking my post. I feel my opinion that lighting up a room is a bad thing has been officially validated.

I’ve watched enough Dateline to know saying someone lights up a room is a threat.

Me at the start of every workweek

More like be-gone-yas, am I right?

My friend made me on his Tomodochi island and, apparently, I was stomping around searching for my cat. Art imitates life, I guess.

this is who runs this account btw

I need the quail in my neighborhood to start having babies already. Seeing those little fluffballs running around will fix me, I just know it.

Joke’s on him, I’m A1 AND getting paid - so what now???

I just watched a man scan his badge and try to open a door four times without noticing the sign 8 inches in front of his face that said ‘please use the other door’

Okay, but why are some of y’alls dress to impress looks better than the met gala? Where is the creativity?! Where is the ingenuity?!

When someone says they’re ’not political’ on their dating app profile

Without downloading anything new where are you at mentally

Ban mechanical keyboards in open workspaces

Yesterday at Universal, my friend asked who my go-to Mario Kart character was and I answered ‘Daisy’ and she said ‘who?’ 😡 then our guide was like ‘yeah, we don’t really have a lot of Daisy representation here.’ So I got a purple Yoshi instead.

Went to Wisteria Lane. Didn’t see a *single* Chrysler Pacifica.

I’m in California for the weekend and stopped by a random open house in Pasadena (because I’m nosy) and this was hanging on the wall. Wild to still have this up in the year 2026

Who’s B????

Our legal team said we had to change one of our processes. And it’s annoying, but what are you going to do? Well, if you’re my manager, you ask c*pil*t if the change is necessary and then send that back to them as the reason we shouldn’t have to do it. Their response? “C*pil*t is not a lawyer.”

My work is hosting a stress awareness panel on my birthday and I’m just like

That’s my mayor 💙 (I live 2000 miles away)

Me disassociating after I get home from work

Me and my friends Venmo-ing the same $10 back and forth until the end of time.

I’m currently at war with the dandelions and I fear they are winning.

I had an arborist come over to look at some trees I was worried about and he said they’re most likely just stressed. Ok. Join the club.

My desk decor is a whole mood this morning.

Demanding that the strait be opened when you’re *literally* the reason it’s closed and I hate him and everything to do with him and I feel like I’m being gaslit constantly. Is that okkkaaayyy??

I didn’t come in last place for once!!(This is the first time I’ve checked it since I made it)

The people who lived here before me installed this little water feature thing and someone just asked ‘what’s up with the giant urn’ and now I’m like 🫠

Have you ever wanted to fill your home with furniture that looks and feels like denim? Then I have some good news for you!!

Thank you for reminding me of this @kimkangaroo.bsky.social

Update on the ‘please use toilet paper responsibly’ email sent at work yesterday. It’s not someone just being dumb and flushing stuff they shouldn’t, it’s PURPOSEFUL SABOTAGE!

Our whole office just got an email that reminded us to use toilet paper responsibly, and idk, I just think all of corporate America is a scam.

I’ve been watching Shrinking and the main character is named Jimmy. Anytime another character says ‘hey Jimmy’, guess how I hear it in my head.

Did my anti-a1 presentation today. Overall, it went well, I think. Just reminding people that it’s okay to think first before immediately turning to a1. Person after me says ‘I used c*pil*t to make my images. Sorry Avery.’ The images were 🚮 btw.

I learned how to make pasta today and, honestly, I’ve never looked happier.