I had the most bizarre dream I’ve had in a very long time and I am sitting here like “psyche are you okay bro??”

“The existence of an abusive parent in the home means there was also a dismissive parent. Otherwise, the other parent would have gotten you out and left.” I -

Have recovered potatoes

Having immigrant parents is wild bc wth is this madam?

Bigs and I are virtually the same height now and he told me “you’re short” so that’s where we are in parenting boys (I am absolutely not short).

LeBron, Luka, and Giannis, what a night!

Save me from dumb bitches please

I WANNA BE SEDATED

Friday means an onion ring tower and a beer

Tiny has always had a gigantic noggin (like I call him “pumpkin head”) and he’s CONSTANTLY banging it on something. Like, truly I’ve never had a child smash his head into something so often.

Did it.

Ice cream is tasting goooood AF tonight.

Don’t forget to take the trash out, pig.

I caught up with a long time colleague on Tuesday that I hadn’t see in like a year and after I filled her in on the last year in a manner *eye* thought was pretty chill and lighthearted, she started weeping and like…LMAO sorry my life is a dumpster fire.

Korea 2026 is booked bitches.

This randomly came up in our work call, but remember the time I put Pando in the tortilla blanket?

Zoom got cancelled for technical difficulties hell yeah brother

I spent a lot of years holding back from the urge to punch people in the throat and I’m not sure that serves me anymore.

He’s also a Yale Law grad. He knows better.

Yes, BIPOC, (but especially the B and I in that BIPOC) have been killed, characterized, and treated this way by the state for generations. How do you think systemic racism works?

You know what slaps sometimes is just like cronchy pretzels.

I feel like someone could campaign pretty well on “yeah, no, we didn’t sign up for allodat.”

I was watching a history documentary examining the lives of medieval children in Britain and the historian was like “as a historian I spend a lot of my time looking at things left behind by white men - because those were the only things considered valuable enough to preserved.”

The corgs are at Camp Grandma this week and I am missing my furballs. Like, look at her perfect fox tail. 🦊

It’s honestly shocking how much being gentle to my adult self is just l whispering “that’ll do pig” to myself multiple times a day.

Smalls informing me that I’m “built like an apple fritter” is somehow the least terrible part of this day by a mile.

Good morning, bestie

People really just out here lying.

Ran off a plane to take the family for Tiny’s bday dinner and ninja-ed back home to unload everyone and everything and get these fools ready for bed. Now I need to order groceries and crash. 🤪

Oh my God, it burns so good

As an Aries, there are few things more infuriating than people ambling slowly up the airplane causeway after we get off the plane like what are you moseying for????

I need a McDonald’s Diet Coke IMMEDIATELY

I really need Bsky to develop a Circles type situation

Comped ricotta pancakes are the best ricotta pancakes.

I’m on a work trip and I’m still getting like “moooom help” emails and I don’t know why this is so funny to me. I fixed one of the problems and got “thank you A LOT forreal” 😂 Freakin’ customer service line over here.

Hotel room upgrades make me feel happier than they should, but…

I have been CRAVING sandwich for days and I’m finally getting it I’m so excited.

YootyBro got sideswiped by a gigantic SUV in a supermarket parking lot right before Christmas with his daughter in the car and they total lossed his A5, but he got a CRAZY deal on an etron GT at my dealership and so he got his midlife crisis car for Christmas LOL.

@sdiver100.bsky.social I got your new year's card at work today - thanks!

Annnnnd we are back, bunny.

Feeling very bleak today.

My habitual pinched nerve in my shoulder giving me warning flares that it’s about to pop off as I board this flight is about right.

It begins.

Jokes on you, my expectations are already in hell.

Fuck this year tho honestly good riddance