He's really, really, incredibly, bad at this. www.rnz.co.nz/news/politic...

Remembering that time I ordered a Big Mac and Apple Pie at McDonalds and got handed a box of napkins and a thick shake and someone said in a weary boss voice "Big Mac and Apple Pie Chris, mate the words are right there in front of you"

The most traumatic experience my spouse had during medical training was an unvaccinated 6yo boy who spent the last days of his life screaming in agony from chickenpox encephalitis in the hospital. Then he died. The whole team was agonized as well as the stupid parents.

Genius efficiency minister Seymour makes bulk order for Air NZ of microplanes, says look it might be a squeeze and no I haven’t actually ever seen one but look at the price of these things.

Not going anywhere USA while those contemptible nazi crooks are running things and I will be livid if this knee-bending quisling govt just bends over with our data

At home with ATLAS man and deputy PM David Seymour "And this is the veggie garden," he tells us. "I run it the way I'd like to run the country. No waste, no silly indulgences."

It's very funny to me that Trump went through all of the trouble of launching a scam cryptocoin or invading a foreign country to take their oil revenue personally hostage when he could simply sell bathwater to Republican members of Congress on OnlyFans.

Voyager 1 is currently more than 24 billion kilometres from Earth and getting 17km farther every second and hilariously it is not as out of touch with New Zealand as our Prime Minister

Flushed with success of prohibiting homeless people, the Luxon govt moved on to prohibit poor people. By Xmas we were the richest fuckers in the world

The ideal pandemic for our time would be one that transmits by tinfoil hats rubbing on rabbit hole walls

THE WALK SHORTS ACT An Act to recognise that 1973 was the best year ever and Dad's Army was the best TV show ever and you can't beat a Trumpet, which is made with white Tip Top white ice cream, and kindly keep your jibber jabber to yourselves and don't get me started on the TRANS AND THE CYCLISTS

Nancy Lu MP very much appears to have got the old AI machine to do the work of telling us how much her boss inspires her. Would be good to see "I don't use AI to do my thinking and speaking" being offered as a pledge this election.

The Trump years were dark. But in little NZ they never lost hope. For NZ had a leader of rare and inspiring character. In the face of endless climate disaster and economic implosion, he always had just the right uplifting words: "Welcome to IKEA" "Welcome to State of Origin" "Check out my Spotify"

It was only when Luxon poked his shiny round head inside the Moa Point pipe to see for himself that everyone realised: Why yes! There was, in fact, one single thing the gormless prick could do to make himself useful.

This is the business practice known as what? a. Circling back b. Putting it in the pipeline c. Rawdogging d. Grabbing the low hanging fruit

Some people say the answer to everything is 42 but it’s actually 37

Year on year sales of Mimosas, Tealight candles and Kumquats are through the roof but the glass-half-empty media won't tell you this good news they just want to bang on and on about jobs and prices and numbers of people leaving and shit I feel so sorry for Nicola and Chris they're doing their best &

A Hundred Years of Sausage

Mr Seymour and Ms van Velden proceeded to demonstrate their theories to us with the assistance of props

Wishing to hire set of stocks, effigy of David Seymour. Also wanting to augment decent-size bucket of slops. No time wasters pls.

You walk into this bar and show your ICE mugshot, you don't pay a dime.

Mailing shortly

But looked at their shoes and mumbled when asked for an example

Adios Judith. Guess we're on our own now if NZ comes under space alien attack.

Trump administration are murdering liars

Kare 11 local news just read, in full, this statement from Michael and Susan Pretti, the parents of Alex Pretti. "Please get the truth out about our son."

Charge Kristi Noem as an accessory to murder would be a good start

Bob Dylan just gave me his Nobel Prize for literature and that has to be the nicest thing anyone has ever done for a Substacker

Siri what are two easy clues this is complete bullshit?

AOC: I want everybody to understand that the cuts to your health care are what’s paying for this. You get screwed over to pay a bunch of thugs in the street that are shooting mothers in the face.

AOC: What we saw today was a criminal murder a woman while she was trying to flee for her life. What we saw today was a manifestation of every American’s worst nightmare: their government turning into a tyranny.

I am pleased to announce that I have commandeered my neighbor's home. This home will be sold at its Market Price, and that money will be controlled by me, to ensure it is used to benefit my neighbor and me! Thank you for your attention to this matter!

Exciting new year spot the ball contest!! Mark the place where you think hard-working laser-focused Prime Minister Luxon has disappeared to!! Guess closest to the right spot, and win an extra day off!!

Trump has as much respect for international law as he and his pal Jeffrey Epstein had for the laws protecting minors

have to worry that this could do serious harm to the perceived legitimacy of the FIFA peace prize

Oh they understand alright

So, I’m making one huge ministry of everything that matters most to people like me/us: Urban development, Transport and Environment. Or, for short, UTE

Not remotely interested in going anywhere near Trump's America

🔥🔥

"The Dominion can reveal Hitler has invaded Poland'

Nero stuffed into a business suit

Chris Bishop ate my hamster

Senator Mark E. Kelly, Patriot of Patriots open.substack.com/pub/robertre...

Nicky tells 
 porkies 
 big enough 
 to drive 
trucks on,

That means it's two years since I stopped. I was chill with making myself broker and deader, but helping some asshole who's already loaded buy a new ute was a bridge too far, and to this minute I've saved $30,002.32

Impact is only a verb for dental purposes. Pls stop harshing my buzz.

Not keen on politicians who come here from wherever they lived overseas and don't have the first idea about how things work in Aotearoa and presume to tell us what to do. And to be specific and name names: Christopher Luxon

"While elite journos and businessmen kiss the ring of Trump, people in jammies and slippers confront ICE in the street. The courage of ordinary people has been stunning compared to the elite." On the pod @amandamarcotte.bsky.social is good on Trump's downward spiral: newrepublic.com/article/2035...