Historians consider this claim to be factually untrue technically speaking, but depressingly believable in principle and not necessary to explain Bezos paying no taxes only because of how many *other* tax evasion methods billionaires of his time had access to without consequences.

Just gimme one of everything; I'll sort through it all later.

Historians refer to this as the greatest known instance of Morbin' Time that ever occurred.

Optimus Prime getting wasted by Megatron. That movie was HARD. CORE. for a five year old.

You never know. The dice have to come up nat 20 eventually!

Ghosts are typically depicted covered in sheets because it was considered lewd and wouldn't pass Standards & Practices to draw them in their natural form, in which they're complete dickheads. So they had to be hidden under something.

The cruel irony is, he really wasn't a drug dealer. His neighbors only suspected it because of an old rumor started by a jealous rival in the professional Luchador circuit, forcing him to quit Lucha Libre entirely. Hop on Pop is a metaphor for that former life, written because he missed it badly.

They were forced to stop doing the hibachi part because hibachi with donuts involves a deep fryer, which is notoriously dangerous to cook with directly at the table. An incident in which a guest's hands were deep-fried resulting in 4th degree burns cost them millions, and that was the end of that.

Leading Scientists in the field of whatever the hell studying emotions is called have determined that, unfortunately for us all, it would take more than 4 billion years of continuous sighing to finally completely forget the dumpster shit-fire that the 2020s have been.

It's a truly agonizing existence, particularly when you're a snail and have nothing to do with your entire life but crawl on rocks eating algae and hiding inside your mobile home.

God I love seeing FAFO in action.

The other part of his success was the right diet. He ate every one of those birds. You can't build ridiculous shredded mass without that good lean protein. Also enough steroids to turn dozens of sloths into permanently enraged murder machines, but that part is just common knowledge...

Bush Jr. once mindlessly mumbed, "A gajillion" one morning. Only the inability of service techs to set the pumps to a number that doesn't exist prevented Armageddon.

They sentenced themselves to comfortable clothing on the job and being ready to hit the gym immediately after work without having to run home to change.

And if it was too small before the dryer, you can enlarge it by setting it on fire. Works best while you're wearing it. But you didn't hear that from me... please don't rat me out to the garment industry for helping you spend less on clothes. They've got it out for me as it is.

But not break dancing. Break dancing descends from the Sledgehammer Spin, a classic of the '30s depression era, in which working-class people snuck into high society events and then went on rampages with sledgehammers and tried to break the skulls of as many rich fat cat tycoon types as possible.

Most owners, thankfully, don't actually use the secret room for bodies. Using it for an emergency cheese stash is quite popular, however. And who can blame them? If you can afford a Frank Lloyd Wright house, odds are that you have fine taste in cheeses and they need protecting from ne'er-do-wells.

post a non-religious picture you think of as holy

"Inside of you, there are two chickens..."

Sort of correct. Caecilians are LaVeyan Satanists, but also Caecilians are pretty uncommon.

"And you can't spell PRAY without most of PARTY"

Approximately half of these are actual kiwi birds under pillows, not the fruit. The implications are horrible (or delicious, it's all a matter of opinion).

Let's also not forget about the three-kids-in-a-trenchcoat trick. Today's crafty kids are always using that one to bamboozle their way into being allowed to earn some scratch in the mines, aside from using it to get around those "you must be this tall" signs for rollercoasters.

Mary-Kate could just eat Ashley now, of course. But the moment has passed, Ashley will never again have that baby meat tenderness. She's gotta be all stringy and gamey at this age. She's probably safe at this point. Probably. ...Keep an eye on the celebrity gossip pages just in case.

Pine-apples are not very popular, since their juice is mostly just pine sap and it makes them taste like floor cleaner (and also they're incredibly toxic).

The surgery to remove all their bones is difficult, expensive, and often criticized as very cruel. Please don't support this terrible industry by buying boneless wings :(

Flaming arrows are specifically called out during trials at The Hague for being a war crime *and* a crime of love. Defendants flip a coin to decide death by hanging, or death by eroticism. It's a little messed up, but hey, so is playing with peoples' hearts (and war crimes are heinous too I guess).

Purple is a confusing color because it's half blue and half red. Statisticians don't know what to do with purple.

It's about two kings, but queens are way more powerful.

Another instance of men erasing women's contributions from history. :(

With a cat pawing around in its brain like that, the apple (now a lobotomized drooling cretin) doesn't have long to live. But that's okay. The cat will move on to a new apple after this one croaks it. There's always more apples.

Kare 11 local news just read, in full, this statement from Michael and Susan Pretti, the parents of Alex Pretti. "Please get the truth out about our son."

Muppet an R Rated Movie: Eyes Wide Kermit

The conundrum they're bound to run into is, once all the garbage is eaten and the planet is cleaned up, what will everyone eat?

Ruin a band by changing one letter The Rolling Scones

Giving Pumpkins a Moderately Stern Talking-to

Post your favorite Star Trek character, wrong answers only

As it turns out, "Being a moth" is very dishonoring to one's ancestors, as such a low reincarnation indicates grave flaws of character. Thus, every moth unrelentingly seeks to fly into the flames.

Too many to list comprehensively, but some highlights: - The Pickle Jar Incident - The Bowling Ball Incident - The Car Hood Incident - The Icicle Incident - The Sword Incident (yes really) - The .45 ACP Shell Casing Incident - The Hot Mains Power Switch Incident ...Somehow, I'm still here, though!

It also takes the fruit of an entire nutella tree. The sugar cane is just because nutella fruit tastes truly awful until it's sweetened.

It was 9. Which is impressive, because there's only 8 slices to a pizza. Truly, you can't out-pizza the hut.

Show me how your 2025 went

I don't really have an outfit for the Day it Happens. Also, maybe I'm just out of touch, but I'm not sure what "it" is. Ahhh well. If it's really so awesome, I guess I'll know it when I see it, and there probably won't be a strictly enforced dress code anyway.

They tried peyote but the trips lasted too long and it wasn't good optics for the weather person to go on the air still high and in ecstatic communion with the very air itself.

I mean really though that's on Applebee's for not being rigorous in checking IDs. There's plenty of documents you could show that have your birthday on them.

Post something random or you’ll have an awful December.

It's the great quest of the modern era. And like any great quest, it wouldn't mean much without the stakes being real. 1 in 3 men will die along the way, having never found The One Grill for them, but at least having been ennobled by the journey itself. It's a Holy Grail thing, you understand.

Use only one piece to convince folks to follow you

He was never able to spend it because it was a single $1 million bill and no place he ever tried to shop at was able to break $1 million. Tragic, really. Except not.