happy birthday dad. I miss you every day.

If they had an abnormally large ballroom and a shiny golden dome this never would have happened

Donald Trump will be sacrificed in Bangladesh for their annual Eid al-Adha festival. Lucky bastards.

Statistics-wise, does every pedophile really believe they can frighten ALL their victims throughout their adulthood to death? I mean, they have to know that at some point at least one will grow up and speak about it, right? Or is it all just immediate gratification with no thought to afterwards?

Man I love me some Keke Palmer

Lying that I participated in J6 so I can pay for my healthcare

I wish someone would “take him to the train station” so bad.

Really feelin this today C/o @effinbirds.com

Remember when all Martha Stewart did was possibly lie by saying she wasn't aware of a stock trade her broker made, worth about 40K, and she went to a federal prison? Because powerful women always need to be punished and put back in their place in America.

Really stoked Elon is having a bad day.

Love my @effinbirds.com !!

Why tf did we see Hillary testify but no sight of Melania when that chud bitch is in photos galore with epstein?

Mayor Karen Bass

The Winchester bros reuniting on that last episode of The Boys actually made me laugh out loud and clap my hands

Trump on a passport. Pfft now I’m never getting one. ICE probably wouldn’t let my Japanese ass back in.

Great. Do you know how hard it was to get them into OPEC? Ffs… thanks Trumpstein.

It’s been 29 mins!!! Does no one at the #WHCA dinner have their phones with them?! WHAT HAPPENED??

Real question: what is wrong with me that everyone around me gets on my nerves?

It just hit me that that goofy Dr Randa from Monarch is John Goodman’s character from Skull Island.

Barbara and Will?? How cute are Val and Eric?! 🤗

Wild how? 🤔 The man’s a chud.

I Fully Endorse this Message…. FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, I DON'T EVER WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER REPUBLICAN LECTURE ANYONE ABOUT LAW AND ORDER, FAMILY VALUES OR MORALITY.THE PARTY OF TRUMP HAS LOST ALL CREDIBILITY ON THOSE MATTERS.

HEY LADY! YOU CALL HIM DR JESUS!

Baby Jessica arrested last night for domestic assault. Oh well…

My millennial husband wants so bad to be GenX. I don’t know why. We’ve been overlooked our whole fucking lives. Despite the weird avocado fetish, the millennials have strength in numbers.

the only people who are safe are the rich white guys. No laws being made to curtail their lives in any way. And that’s why no one will ever fuck them for free.

ive never had a cat who could appreciate the generosity of a face full of pot smoke

Turned on NBC. They talked about “President tipping a DoorDash driver $100”. This woman participated in GOP ads before playing other roles. There is no DoorDash deliveries to the Oval Office. Please exercise proper judgement when consuming news.

I just learned Idaho Republicans banned the Pride flag, so Boise officials painted their flagpoles in Pride colors as an act of protest. That's a fantastic act of protest.

I know it’s fiction because Lego Trump is way too hott

The best thing to do when you want someone to share with you is be nice, like M&Ms or a sip of my Big Gulp or the Strait of Hormuz.

Why. Why allow your child to go whole hog on Halloween but won’t allow them to watch kpop because of ✌🏼demons ✌🏼? It makes no sense… and it’s also none of my biznatch. Isn’t “Opalite” a fun video?

Wow. A whole civilization. How would that not be a war crime?

So what do we hope they’ll see on the dark side of the moon 🚀🌕

Onset, Jonathan Majors injur- I DON’T CARE. HOW TF IS HE BACK??

What with the popularity of adult coloring books, I think we should’ve been given adult crayons too: Cocaine White, Tequila Yellow, Marijuana Green, Opana Orange…

Pfft! Look how we’re doing! Why would we want some icky woman president full of logic and joy when we could enjoy all of this? *spreads arms to encompass our current reality*

Trumpstein doesn’t wanna look for the missing crew members. According to him, they’re losers; he won’t waste the resources.

its surreal that today’s kid rock is the same one that bragged about watching lots of crotch and painting other men’s wives white.

Omg he’s the Yellow Pig!!! 😭

Supreme Court birthright citizenship thoughts… - John Sauer’s voice gets on my nerves - none of the Justices seem like they’re on Sauer’s side - Trumpstein is only there to mean mug and bully his conservative picks into siding with him in real time.

When Democrats accuse Trump of a crime, it's because he actually did it. When Trump falsely accuses Democrats of a crime, it's because he actually did it.

i think stu macher being secretly alive all these years with anmesia or whatever is far, far more believable than Billy Loomis’s secret kid. Like, when was he supposed to have fathered her? Before he met Sydney? When he was 16?What up with the mom? Wouldn’t she have been classmates with everyone?

Srsly who picks a fight with fuckin reacher??

I wonder what it’s like for Michelle Pfeiffer just waking up and walking around being gorgeous all day without even trying

… now Xander too? RIP 🥺

Oh wow. Chuck Norris RIP

At the bus stop in downtown OKC, a place traditionally popular with our unhoused population, overwhelmingly people of color. Not even a block from the OKC Bombing Memorial. People running in terror and falling over themselves to get away? Yep, ICE is in OKC. I hope they get sucked up by a tornado.