Long ago on St Nicholas’ Day, I decided to observe the custom of hiding sweets in children’s shoes - for some in-laws’ kids: the girl got really angry because she was late for school and then her shoes were full of sweets. She was going FOR FUCK’S SAKE and flinging quality street across the hall :(

I love this buffoon ✨

how i sleep knowing that snapping a stranger’s meta glasses in half is always morally correct

I involuntarily kick my legs when I’m near needles - I’m not scared of them, it’s just they’re weird - I have to have blood taken from me at lunch time and I’m trying to practice not kicking, because if I accidentally kick a nurse?!! I just must not do that. CALM IN THE MIND, CALM IN THE SHINS

He’s back

link.deezer.com/s/31Mg3yVAIy... I’m making a Christmas craft side quest project for my kid and it’s putting me in the best mood of my life!!!

Edmund absolutely loves sitting on my notes. I never have the heart to move him, so loads of my notes curve around the place where he sits. What a fellow!

Lastly: fuck tons of crafts. I want to be just covered in pipe cleaners and clay and glitter. These will be the athletic trifecta of festive quests. Should I choose to accept my challenge: which I do, I accept the challenge. Fetch my steed!

A quest for really good carols, too: because there’s this neat, minimal pantheon of best carols that are good enough to be played in the deepest part of December, and it would be exciting to find one more of those.

Seeing a donkey is one of my Christmas goals. I will report back when I find one. They’re really really celestial.

I was looking at some farm animal artefacts from Iraq today and lots of the ways in which their artists drew and sculpted animals, feel to me like predecessors to the art style of 80’s My Little Pony. The curvatures of the creatures’ heads are exaggerated and cute

Massive Garfields are so perfect, so beautiful. They strike fear and respect into the heart.

Stranger Things day, greetings to all who celebrate. The excitement levels feel muted - maybe because of the strangeness of it being in winter, maybe because of mass incredulity that it’s all finally ending. High hopes, though.

I’m not one usually to cry at festival announcements but Mariner, I just. Fucking hell! 💚💚💚💚💚

The best drink at the moment, for me, is rose Monster. I don’t know what type of roses they’re putting in there, but they feel snazzy.

I absolutely love that video of a polish woman who finds a beaver next to the toilet in her bathroom and she’s very delighted to see him and she exclaims “BOBR” in a voice suffused with adoration

It’s time to study the songs for Muppet’s Christmas Carol, so we can sing along flawlessly to the whole thing. Excited. I might play my flute! When I say ‘we’ I mean me and my cousins, but also the world at large

We need more cute TV. It cannot spawn fast enough. SITCOMS WE SUMMON THEE

I ran out of Parks and Rec and it feels startling and abrasive to watch TV that isn’t that. I could rewatch Community. Then just loop the two sweetly-optimistic US sitcoms infinitely until I either die, or develop enough amnesia to rewatch Friends. I can’t do Gavin & Stacey a 4th time, it’s too soon

There’s a scientific consensus that bunnies can’t play peek-a-boo because they don’t have a theory of mind, but - I have a theory that those who reached that consensus, don’t have a theory of mind. So. An impasse.

I think Biscadora, my rabbit, has learned how to play peek-a-boo. I’m so proud of her! A bunny genius 💙

I went to the Lake District twice this autumn and on the first of those trips, there was a Christmas parade - in September, in Kendal, in the rain. I ran to catch up with the front of the parade to see what was there and it was - you will not believe this - a CHRISTMAS UNICORN!!!

I was home alone this morning so I ate two vanilla crown pastries then fell asleep listening to a Portuguese chamber choir show. Elite.

re: roblox dude's interview crashout. the thing he wants to say but can't is "at scale, kids are gonna get hurt. that is the price for scale." the thing nobody wants to say out loud is "maybe scaling to a level where harm isn't manageable is bad, and scale should be contained"

Roblox is a trash organization and I would sooner let my kids play a AAA gorefest than play it. could not be more obvious how little they think of children.

Ian Skelly told an anecdote today on Radio 3 about meeting a camel that belonged to the Earl of Chichester and discovering that the camel had his own cobbler to make him bespoke soft shoes to help with a hoof problem. I thought I was dreaming! It’s excellent to be alive in the time of Radio 3.

People should get into a big mitten, a giant mitten the size of their body, and bounce along in the mitten. That’s the only correct way to insulate. I’m drawing little creatures that do this, but it should be a universal practice.

It is so cool that mistletoe grows in an orb 🌑🤍

This might be an unpopular opinion but what this baby seal is doing is very special to me, personally.

Hi it’s 7am we are under attack daily reminder that you can help here www.sternenkofund.org/en

Also, I still really ardently believe we should bioengineer new cool creatures in labs. It’s the least we can do. Everything’s so sad. Cool creatures would cheer everybody up. Plus we could design them for carbon capture, rewilding etc

Quick search, I this might be the only official horned rodent - but maybe the internet just hasn’t caught up with the definitely-real horned beaver? I wish we could give x-ray vision to palaeontologists because I like fluffy prehistory. We need the magazine, the magazine! To know.

My staircase dreams are evolving, this time it was a staircase of lovely antique books.

We can learn from this in the UK, and sometimes talk about politics with loved ones. The rise of the far right in England relies on disinformation, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that lies thrive in the context of politics being framed as somehow outside conversational reach

One of the wheels on my chair is broken, in such a way that it - just once every 40 minutes - suddenly lunges to the side and tips me onto the floor. This is a good thing! Teaching me humility.

link.deezer.com/s/31DaoSYM39... ✨

Yesterday I watched episode 1 of the Devin Townsend Ruby Quaker series and it seemed plausible and real in the opening minutes, and I was gripped with quiet dread thinking he was actually going to space all by himself. Because, if anyone would or could! Relieved that it’s fantastical!!!

I had a dream that I was really nimble at descending a spiral staircase made of little cheeses. What a rush!

I really do like her and want to make sure she’s ok. She has this strange white patch on her chest like she was hit by lightning as a kitten: which might be why she’s so fukkin hench

This tabby cat, who bullies Edmund: what am I going to do about her?! She has no collar, so am I meant to just wander the streets asking strangers if they have a very alarming massive aggressive cat? Why is she this way? Does she need a cat therapist? O magnum mysterium. Maybe she’s the baby Jesus

The songs! The live donkeys! Mr Maddens!!!

Nativity is such a great film. Every year when I rewatch it, I get immensely stressed even though I know it ends nicely.

They should make Sylvanians cryptids

Hey guess who’s slightly proficient at throwing an axe. ALICE

Chris Eubank (sp?) Snr is a sweet man though. He was endearing on Louis Theroux Weird Weekends, the world’s best ever television show 💪🌟

I want the blue flames one to win because he had the Fugees for his walk on music and his outfit looks like a Buffalo shoe - a fine type of shoe. I feel really guilty watching a fight and liking it but the TV in the pub is already on, so. I must.

Rain is the best weather that isn’t snow. Shimmery! I’m out in it to get PUDSEY CUPCAKES, what a day

link.deezer.com/s/31Ap8gGwnk... 🖤

My highlights of Damnation were: 1. Ted Maul - a FRENZY! 2. Amenra. Like having your soul spray painted onto the ceiling then decanted back into your body in a completely new shape: like turning from a duck into a Pegasus: like wolfing out: eldritch, mind boggling. 3. The grindcore big 3