on this website you HAVE to fuck ugly old women if you refuse you will be banned from the site forever come check out hot ugly old women who wanna fuck NOW

hey can someone take like a blunt object and smack me in the head with it 47 times

turns out my job hasn’t been taking money out for my health insurance benefits and now i’m being billed retroactively for the payments 🙃

how much money do you think it’d take to convince fiona apple to do a one night only show in chicago for me and like 10 other people

can someone do me a really sexy favor and buy a box of chocolate teddy grahams and then bring them to my apartment 💋

aldi finally brought back their wavy all dressed chips you know i bought two bags

fighting for my life trying to rollerblade stoned on lake shore trail with 30mph winds and 8 million people on the path

is it like super expensive to take a little trip up to alaska or no

you guys are gonna cream your jeans when you see these photos i just took

you should see the other guy

i wish i was living the life of jennifer tilly

this is my wig i don’t have hair this is my wig i don’t have hair this is my wig i don’t have hair

happy fiona apple friday to those who celebrate get your apples out

i love feeling my tits bounce when i go down stairs

wait did juno birch quit drag

nunu check!!!

i need a vacation

me with my boyfriend patrick, my boyfriend patrick, my boyfriend patrick and patrick’s friends eric and steve

did you guys know michael j fox is my uncle

draft drop cuz im bored

YESSSSSSZS!!!!!!!!!

patrick and i are back together <3

idek girl

people always tell me how much i remind them of kate moss. i have to go no guys it’s not kate it’s me!

guys should i do drag

yall bitches ever read deltora quest? just remembered how this shit had me in a chokehold in 7th grade

just found out delta work smokes american spirit yellows that’s my diva

what if i bake a lemon cake today for no reason

imagine showing up to a punk venue and being told “we’re at capacity you can’t come in” while i can clearly see the bar is half empty

the andersonville buffalo exchange has one again blessed me with amazing pants

any of yall got a scanner? i wanna scan some nude photos so i can’t go to the library lol

you boys crinklin tonight?

got to leave work early but they made me use vacation time

i do believe by focusing on administration that my role took a bit of a back seat compared to my costars but i will say a lot of the clever wordplay did come from me

i hate jimmy stewart

fuck marina ambromovic

said “cuz i’m gay” at work thinking i was doing a reveal and my coworker went “you don’t say?”

luxe looking like a million bucks black card swarovski tux no shits no fucks no chickens no ducks

johnny mcgovern is our truman capote

can someone telepathically send me a cigarette

the porn star/influencer combo feels so weird and dystopian

i have to drive my boss downtown what music should i play in the car for him? he’s a 70 year old conservative israeli man

got really high last night and watched this clip of harvey fierstein over and over again

i’m always baffled by what straight guys consider short vs long hair

trans people. i can see you

hey guess what

i love saying fish ok? sue me

celine dion is back to performing the earth is healing

should i play an april fools joke on my landlord by not paying my rent

ate chipotle right before bed