nauseous and headachy

also!! I went to my first concert by myself last night!! I took a train there all by myself! my ūbēr back was smooth and peaceful !! i had a good time !!

what if I manage to lock in despite friend being here for another week

at 1220 ish for the day, wanted ice cream but probably not now

I've had one (1) meal today and it's nearly 5 pm !!

feel disgusting ate too many snacks and now I hate myself extra

I will either be super active the next two weeks or I will be totally silent as friend is in town! they are Going Thru It and warned me they haven't been eating well so it will either be no issue or I will be super triggered we'll see

I cannot shake this fucking head ache since my period started

unfortunately

sick again not as bad but I'm so over not being able to breathe correctly

friend is super not doing well mentally and they're going to come visit and I'm like damn hope they don't off themselves before that wld suck but now I had the thought of what if they're waiting to visit one last time

I've been on a tea kick lately it's been rly nice

☄️ January check in☄️ gonna be brave and try and stick to what my trainer suggested for the rest of the month 😵‍💫 1700 cals and he said 128g protein but I literally cannot fathom that so I'm gonna aim for 100 and adjust from there

weight did dip under 200 for the NY but then we had a weekend party and it has since jumped back up :/

weight refuses to go under 200 guess I won't get fun food & drinks tonight

first cffee in my fancy new cups 🥹

crashing out over old photos

do I start wearing my f!tb!t again in the new year? kind of want one that isn't a smartwatch but don't wanna buy a new one

since I got back a week and a half ago! I know a decent amount is probably water weight but still

how am I hungry

walk done ! my sweatpants are so on their last leg though which is so annoying I haven't found any I like enough to replace them yet

on a walk bc in my head 50 was way warmer than this feels

over the last couple of weeks I've suddenly realized how bad ugh

I need to figure out how to focus even though I never have a "normal" week just bc I'm doing stuff doesn't mean I can't lose weight I lost like 30 lbs in college ffs

at 700 cals for the day so far & I'm gonna have either soup or ramen for dinner i think

as soon as we started descending on our flight my ears felt like they were being stabbed with ice picks and it was so awful -10/10 do not want to experience another flight with a sinus infection/cold it's been like two hours and they still haven't popped

time to go home!! time to see my cats again !!

worried when I lose this time I'll have loose skin

also sad bc I made the decision that going to a concert I was looking forward to was the best choice for my health and I'm so :(( everything had lined up perfectly for this show and I get a rly good price on a resale ticket but I will feel 10x worse tomorrow had I gone to the show

just had the best ice cream ever wtf

wld k1ll to be able to breathe properly

hey guys , so i’m actually a f@t fuck

still on vacation, I have a cold, and I've never hated my body so much

can't stop thinking about restricting when I get back

oh lol

in Cali and walked down the boardwalk earlier and everyone is so skinny and pretty 😵‍💫

also there's a chance of snow? wintery mix? something? on the day we have to fly out and I'm !! so stressed! and also the cats !! and everything surrounding that !

supposed to go out of town all next week and I'm so worried about leaving the cats and the house ugh

yesterday I would have hit my trainers suggested macros had I like ate a protein bar or something, he suggested 1700cals and 120 g protein and that's so fucking crazy I dont eat meat that takes so much mental effort to eat that much protein normally

❄️🦭 December Check-ins 🦭❄️

unnecessarily excited to discover the buffalo sauce is actually still 0 cals bc it's just butter flavoring ah

snack is half a red bull and shredded cheese

looked too hard at a photo of myself and I can't stop thinking about all the time I've been wasting when I could have been losing weight

cat peed in a bag this morning but unfortunately I can't be mad bc I forgot to scoop the litter last night :/

don't want dinner but the gym was brutal and I feel sick from it

survived my appt yesterday the lady was soo nice, she just wasn't the lady I had last yr who magically bypassed my mild phobia but simply saying "I'm not a d0ct0r I'm a m1dw1fe so nothing to be scared about !" what a queen

I hate doctors I hate them I want to puke

hmm nice

ended up eating something

think dinner is gonna be a protein shake :/