worried when I lose this time I'll have loose skin

also sad bc I made the decision that going to a concert I was looking forward to was the best choice for my health and I'm so :(( everything had lined up perfectly for this show and I get a rly good price on a resale ticket but I will feel 10x worse tomorrow had I gone to the show

just had the best ice cream ever wtf

wld k1ll to be able to breathe properly

hey guys , so i’m actually a f@t fuck

still on vacation, I have a cold, and I've never hated my body so much

can't stop thinking about restricting when I get back

oh lol

in Cali and walked down the boardwalk earlier and everyone is so skinny and pretty 😵‍💫

also there's a chance of snow? wintery mix? something? on the day we have to fly out and I'm !! so stressed! and also the cats !! and everything surrounding that !

supposed to go out of town all next week and I'm so worried about leaving the cats and the house ugh

yesterday I would have hit my trainers suggested macros had I like ate a protein bar or something, he suggested 1700cals and 120 g protein and that's so fucking crazy I dont eat meat that takes so much mental effort to eat that much protein normally

❄️🦭 December Check-ins 🦭❄️

unnecessarily excited to discover the buffalo sauce is actually still 0 cals bc it's just butter flavoring ah

snack is half a red bull and shredded cheese

looked too hard at a photo of myself and I can't stop thinking about all the time I've been wasting when I could have been losing weight

cat peed in a bag this morning but unfortunately I can't be mad bc I forgot to scoop the litter last night :/

don't want dinner but the gym was brutal and I feel sick from it

survived my appt yesterday the lady was soo nice, she just wasn't the lady I had last yr who magically bypassed my mild phobia but simply saying "I'm not a d0ct0r I'm a m1dw1fe so nothing to be scared about !" what a queen

I hate doctors I hate them I want to puke

hmm nice

ended up eating something

think dinner is gonna be a protein shake :/

feeling kind of depressed so I'm eating pickles straight out of the jar

thought about making breakfast but husb came in to put his dishes up and I tried to hug/hang on him and he's like sry we're in a big meeting and so now I'm in bed trying not to cry bc it's stupid to cry abt and also I don't have food now

I was somehow only 60 cals over my max yesterday that's crazy love that for me

sighs heavily

might try and lock in this week hm

Me after looking at the scale this morning

need to go back to tracking so I can lose again but I don't wanna spend the energy

slept weird and now I'm having weird nerve pain ugh

just remembered I told one of my friends I'm pretty sure I'm autistic this weekend and his only response was yeah I believe that like thx u but also 💀

feel gross from this weekend still

less stressed abt work so now I have time to be stressed abt food

:/

got flū & c0v1d shots last night and my arm hurts still out was so annoying to sleep

stir fry place 2nite!!

day dreaming abt losing 10lbs in two weeks

I'm so bloated that the pants I had plans to add belt loops for are fitting well enough with out the alterations and I !!! 🙃💀

saw the skīnniest girl while I was out earlier I'm still thinking about it

I am finally losing again but it's going so slowly ugh

I am having the worst sh urges :/

woke up feeling haunted

keep thinking about the dream I had last night

new gym program is brutal the work out Saturday absolutely exhausted my hip and yesterday's workout did not help at all it is so sore and doesn't seem to be getting better

woke up from a weird dream and been having a weird day abt it

told my trainer I wanna lose weight which like yay! but also boo bc now I def can't ⭐ve (as if I was successfully even doing that)

snacky lunch

the plan is pizzas for dinner at least I know before hand

omg I get to see my trainer again and complain that all of my joints feel like they're trying to slide around pls help me fix them