Trump Erects Smaller-Than-Average Flag Pole on South Lawn bit.ly/wutf

Carlson to Cruz: “You Don’t Know How Many Angels Can Dance on the Head of a Pin?” bit.ly/wutf

Face Masks Finally Win Over Right-Wingers bit.ly/wutf

Weinstein Found Guilty of Rape in Retrial—Immediately Launches Presidential Campaign bit.ly/wutf

Trump Thanks Military “Suckers and Losers” After Rambling Speech bit.ly/wutf

Mass Deportation Supporter Shocked After Wife Deported—“Wait, Not Her!” bit.ly/wutf

You know what to do, America.

Sen. Tuberville Shits Himself Again—Blames “Radical Left” bit.ly/wutf

Melania “Accidentally” Swept Up in ICE Raid—Trump Asks If Anyone Has Seen Ivanka bit.ly/wutf

Obama Promises to Pardon L.A. Protesters in His Third Term—“It’ll Be Lit, Fam” bit.ly/wutf

L.A. Protesters Told to Wear MAGA Hats and Yell “Stop the Steal” to Avoid Republican Rage bit.ly/wutf

Gays watching two of the world’s messiest attention whores fight to the death during Pride Month:

U.S. Bans Travel From Canada After Terror Attack by Egyptian Man—Experts Exhausted bit.ly/wutf

Mississippi Passes “No Loads Refused” Bill Banning Ejaculation Without Insemination bit.ly/wutf

Death Row Inmate’s Final Meal Request: Jonathan Bailey’s Ass bit.ly/wutf

Musk Denies Ketamine Use as Syringe Dangles From Neck—Trump Blames the Clintons bit.ly/wutf

Republican Senator Hits Earth’s Core After Reaching New Low bit.ly/wutf

Screaming Toddler Ejected From WestJet Flight at 30,000 Feet—Passengers Applaud bit.ly/wutf

Tax Cheat Fraudster Pardons Other Tax Cheat Fraudsters bit.ly/4mBT1fe

Trump’s Demented Golden Dome Tweet Draws Bipartisan Reaction from Former Prime Ministers bit.ly/4mBT1fe

Trump Demands USDA Investigate Why Hot Dogs Come in Packs of 10 but Buns in 8 bit.ly/4mBT1fe

Trump Demands All Prisons Hit “Black Quota” or Risk Losing Federal Funding Support WUTF: patreon.com/wutf

He Let Elon Musk Put a Computer Up His Ass—His Life Hasn’t Been the Same Since Support WUTF: patreon.com/wutf

Fisher-Price Outsells Tesla in Europe Support WUTF: patreon.com/wutf

God Says He Made a Terrible Mistake—“There Might Have Been a Mix-Up” Support WUTF: patreon.com/wutf

Florida Beachgoers Stunned as Stephen Miller Arranges Shells into Weird Confession Support WUTF: patreon.com/wutf

Trump Announces Plan To Declassify Victoria’s Secret Support WUTF: patreon.com/wutf

RFK Jr.’s Brain Worm in Critical Condition After Host Swims in Contaminated Water Support WUTF: patreon.com/wutf

Trump Celebrates Market Bounce Back from Trump-Induced Plunge Support WUTF: patreon.com/wutf

Qatar Swears Gifted Air Force One Not Bugged with Hidden Recording Devices Support WUTF: patreon.com/wutf

OAN Dumps Gaetz in El Salvador Prison to Curb His Obsession with Underage Girls Support WUTF: patreon.com/wutf

Choice of Pope Disappoints Loyalists of Court-Adjudicated Sexual Predator Support WUTF: patreon.com/wutf

Black Smoke Rises Over Sistine Chapel—Means Six More Weeks of Catholicism Support WUTF: patreon.com/wutf

DEA Busts Massive Fentanyl Ring in U.S.—White House Blames Canada Anyway Support WUTF: patreon.com/wutf

Kraft Heinz Distances Itself From WWE Co-Founder Over Weird Steak Sauce Remarks Support WUTF: patreon.com/wutf

Canadian PM Unsure How To Respond After Trump Brings Up “Piss Play” at State Meeting Support WUTF: patreon.com/wutf

Kanye Unveils New Clothing Line Made from the Skin of Wife Bianca Censori Support WUTF: patreon.com/wutf

Trump Officials Push for New Cut of Beloved ’90s Movie Mrs. Doubtfire That Removes the “Crossdressing Stuff” Support WUTF: patreon.com/wutf

Tories Begin Drafting Wild Explanations for Election Loss Including Ghost Votes, Woke Pens, and 5G Towers Support WUTF: patreon.com/wutf

“The results of this election demonstrate, once again, that Canada’s archaic voting system is failing voters.” —Fair Vote Canada Millions of Canadians voted against Poilievre, not for @mark-carney.bsky.social. Now Carney must have the balls to do what his predecessor promised—and failed—to deliver.

🇨🇦 𝙋𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙊𝙋𝙀𝙉, 𝘾𝙖𝙣𝙖𝙙𝙖! 🇨🇦 Vote for the candidate who’ll uplift the lives of most Canadians—not just your own. Polling stations are open for 12 hours; hours vary by timezone. Find your assigned polling station and voting hours at elections.ca. And lowercase-l liberals: stop splitting the vote.

Pope Francis Found Dead Mere Hours After Whisper-Filled Visit with Angel of Death U.S. Vice President JD Vance Support WUTF: patreon.com/wutf

New Poll Finds Most Americans Would Choose Nuclear Oblivion over Living Through Another Day of This Shit Support WUTF: patreon.com/wutf

Pierre Poilievre Vows to Defend Canadian Constitution by Axing It Moments After Being Elected Prime Minister Vote, Canada: elections.ca 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘴𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘷𝘪𝘦𝘸𝘴, 𝘷𝘢𝘭𝘶𝘦𝘴, 𝘰𝘳 𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘥.

CrossFit Trainer and Walking “Missing Link” Marjorie Taylor Greene Profits Massively After Purchasing Stock Hours Before Tally Sparked by Tariff Pause Support WUTF: patreon.com/wutf

Trump Administration Executes Entire Ohio State Buckeyes Football Team in Televised Ceremony Support WUTF: patreon.com/wutf

“Millennial Dictator” Bukele Meets “Dementia Donald” Trump to Fawn over Each Other’s Ugly Gold Chachkis Support WUTF: patreon.com/wutf

Karoline Leavitt Upgrades to Larger Cross Support WUTF: patreon.com/wutf

Kristi Noem Signs Deal with Spirit Halloween as Official Costume Provider for All Photo Ops and Pet Executions Support WUTF: patreon.com/wutf